Post # 1
I always wanted to wear my mom’s veil (a beautiul chapel-length veil edged in lace) when I got married.
My parents got divorced this year after almost forty years of marriage. The divorce was right, but has been hard on the whole family. Really, I’m not sure how to work a wedding around our now-broken family, particularly because my dad is… unpredictable? at best. I probably should be focusing more on the big picture, but I’m just not ready to deal with some of the more painful aspects.
So for whatever reason, the veil is what I can think about right now. It’s still beautiful and it is still my mom’s. However, the fact that their marriage is over makes me feel funny about it. Is the veil a symbol of my mom? Or is a symbol of their marriage? I’m not one who believes in luck, but there does seem to be something odd about using a veil from a marriage that was strong for so long and then crashed and burned so spectacularly.
I think my mom would let me do whatever I wanted (without saying what she would prefer – she’s the type that will suffer silently), but I don’t want to put something front and center that is going to make her feel sad or awkward.
Post # 3
@paper_robot: I would think of the veil as a symbol of your mom, and a symbol of love. I think it would be wonderful to wear your mom’s veil. It’s far more meaningful than one you would go buy at David’s Bridal or something like that.
Post # 4
I think if you are in love with that veil, the fact that your mom wore it is fine IMO. I guess some people might think it’s a bit awkward or whatever, but I would phrase it to your mom that you would be honoured to borrow her veil if she’ll let you. That you think it is beautiful and you see it as representing your mom and your relationship to her or something, not a symbol of your parents’ marriage.
The same thing can be said for second hand wedding dresses, shoes, headpieces, etc. They were worn one time by another bride. That marriage may too have ended in divorce – sometimes you aren’t sure. HOWEVER, the fact that your mom has this beautiful second hand veil I would use it if it were me. 🙂
Post # 5
If you love the veil, then wear it. I would not think too much of it just because they are now divoced. The veil does not necessarily have to symbolize anything except for just being a beautiful veil.
Post # 6
I’d wear it as long as it feels right to you. I will be wearing my mom’s dress and its not the one she married dad in, its from her first marriage. She carried it around for 40 years even though she wasn’t sure why and then offered it to me when I got engaged. This doesn’t bother me at all because it is beautiful and also seems like maybe that’s the reason she ended up holding on to it all these years. She was heavier by the time she married dad and I would never fit into that dress (and I don’t think she has it anymore anyway.) I say go for it.
Post # 7
@paper_robot: I am not sure I buy into the idea of jinxes… like I am fairly superstitious, but there is no reason why wearing a veil would cause your marriage to fail.
40 years is super respectable anyway… like so much can happen in that span of time… if your marriage lasts 40 years, that’s quite an accomplishment.
If you feel iffy, don’t do it… but since you always planned on wearing it, I don’t see why you wouldn’t.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
the veil, yes. I don’t people would recognize it, and if they did, they most likely wouldn’t care. I think it’s different that with a dress