Using my married mother's engagement ring

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

leeny912 :  You could casually broach the subject, but honestly, it’s still your mother’s ring, and she’s still living. If she rarely wore it, I think it might be a little better, but you said she wears it daily and she and your father are still married and living. 

You might casually mention that your boyfriend is starting to look for a ring, and see what she says, but if she doesn’t offer it up, your guy could find a cute, very affordable ring that you can ‘upgrade’ someday!

Post # 3
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I personally wouldn’t even ask. If she wants to offer it, she will and when she’s prepared to. Asking could make her feel pressured to give it to you now and if she’s not emotionally ready to let it go then that could be a bit awkward.

You don’t have to have a ring to get engaged or married…and there’s a lot of low cost options for erings that can stand in till you inherit your mom’s. When you’re engaged, I would announce it as normal and if your mom offers…then she offers.

Or if your partner plans to ask for the blessing then perhaps she’ll offer then or perhaps not.

Post # 4
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

Like the other posters, I personally wouldn’t ask either…If she didn’t even wear it anymore that would be one thing but she wears it everyday.  She could feel pressured to give it to you because she loves you but she may not be ready to let it go.  Why don’t you look at cheaper options from berricle or etsy?  Then when your finances are better in the future you can upgrade to a better ring.

Post # 5
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think if your mom wants to pass her ring on to you while she’s still living, she’ll offer. Either to you directly or to your SO. No matter how close I am to my mom, I would never ask her for her engagement ring for her current marriage. PP made a good point about your mom having to be emotionally ready to let it go. I don’t think it’s a good idea at all to raise the topic, which could make her feel pressured to give it up prematurely.

PS – You didn’t specify, but when your mom said she’d probably give her ring to you, are you completely sure she meant while she’s still alive? Or did she mean she’ll bequeath it to you when she passes? Because it’s not impossible for someone to pass on a ring like that while still alive, it’s just much less common.

Post # 6
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

My mom & I are very close, and had she mentioned me getting a ring before, I would very gently bring it up. Knowing my mom if my bf bought a ring to propose with, she would be upset if she actually planned on giving it to me while she was alive.

 

I would tell your mom something along the lines of “BF and I are talking about marriage in the next few years. I know you still wear mawmaw’s ring every day, so I don’t want to assume I’ll be getting it anytime soon.” At that point your mother can let you know what her expectations are.

Post # 7
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Biltmore Estate

This is what my Fiance and I did. My parents are still married but my mom no longer wore her original engagement ring much. She had had it reset multiple times into different designs, and quite often she was more likely to be wearing a moissanite ring or eternity band than her original ring. We never imagined or expected that my parents would offer it, but when Fiance and I were working to design my ring, we came to the decision that the best choice financially would be to get moissanite. My parents heard about that and decided to offer us my mom’s diamond. I don’t think it’s weird at all, and it’s very special to me that my parents were so generous to us! 

While I agree with PPs that you shouldn’t ask her, if you keep her in the loop on your ring search, she might decide that she wants you to have it!

Post # 8
Member
3337 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If she offers it, great. But don’t ask her for it. Especially if she still wears it.

Post # 9
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

leeny912 :  I wouldn’t ask for the ring directly, I’d feel too weird. I’d mention that you’re talking about getting engaged and see if she offers. If she offers then why not? I love my daughters, but I wouldn’t offer my ring unless I was really ready to part with it and she’s the only who knows if she’s ready. Maybe she will get an upgrade or something?

Personally, I will leave all my jewelry to my daughters, but I won’t be taking off my wedding set to hand over while I’m living lol.

Post # 10
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I don’t think I’d ask.  I am going to be wearing my mom’s wedding ring and she’s still married, but she offered.  It’s a family ring from my dad’s side and she doesn’t wear it every day.  I think your mom probably meant that she would leave it to you.  If you mention casually he’s looking at rings she might offer though so I think that’s a different story.

Post # 11
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

That is disgustingly inappropriate. It is her ring that she WEARS EVERY DAY. If you ask her for it, she will give it to you because she’s your mom, but it’s not your ring, it is hers. If you cannot afford an engagement ring right now, then get one later…

Post # 12
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

That’s very wrong of you. You literally want to pry the ring off her finger that she currently wears everyday, no. Get your own ring and do not bring it up in any capacity.

Post # 13
Member
32 posts
Newbee

leeny912 :  Very mixed feelings on this but I think it is certainly acceptable, ESP if you guys are close.  Most women want to upgrade their ring at a certain anniversary anyway and this would give her an excuse!  My aunt wears my grandmother’s ring (my grandmother is still living and married!) and my grandmother got a new ring when she gave my aunt her’s.  The people saying this is not okay probably don’t have good relationships with their parents or are otherwise type A.  If your mother has mentioned it in the past I wouldn’t worry.  I think that she would be happy to hear that you are at that stage in your life and asking about it now will help her prep for her new ring!

Post # 14
Member
2611 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t get getting engaged with a ring frm th bride’s side.  A ring is given to seal the deal re: marriage.  It’s given by the groom.  I don’t get why a ring from the bride’s side is used.  I am NOT criticizing anyone’s choice, I honestly just don’t get it.

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