Using my married mother's engagement ring

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee

leeny912 :  My college buddy has this tradition in his family that their family heirloom will be passed down to the oldest male to give to be given to his future wife. In exchange, the son would buy the mother another diamond ring that she will wear everyday. This ensures the ring gets passed down. I hear he’s the 6th generation to be recieving the ring from his mother when he’s ready to propose.

If you have a tradition like that or your mother is offering, then great. But if I don’t think it’s right for you to ask for HER ring on HER finger.

Post # 17
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

I had a sort of similar situation to you. My grandmother had expressed to both my mother and to me that she wanted to give me her ring whenever the time came for me to get engaged. I would never have explicitly asked for it. H and I got engaged quickly, and without a ring. When my grandmother found out that we planned to marry and didn’t have a ring yet, she called my now-H to let him know that she’d really like for us to have her ring. She called the day she found out from my mom that we were ring shopping. Had she not offered, we were fully prepared to purchase our own (and were in the process of doing so!) and, had it been given to me at a later date I simply would have used it as a RHR. 

Bottom line, if she wants you to have it, she’ll offer as you talk about getting engaged. I would never ask for her to give it to you. 

Post # 18
Member
5091 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh, no no no. I can’t fathom asking a living relative for their engagement ring that they wear daily.  If your Mother would like to gift you the ring at some point then it is her decision when the right time is.  It is not appropriate for you to ask for the ring to be prematurely handed over.  It’s a gift, not a right.

Post # 19
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

averria :  such a cool tradition!! 

Post # 20
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t know about this – I think you should wait and see if she offers. I feel like you could end up in a position where, if you ask, she might give it to you even if she isn’t ready to part with it yet just because she doesn’t want to upset you / knows about the financial spot you are in. I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking it unless I knew she didn’t mind parting with it.

Post # 21
Member
9673 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Yeah, no.

Not if she is still living and married to this man and wears this ring everyday.

Post # 23
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

That comment sounds like it would be an eventual inheritance and not something you’d get during the time you’d get engaged.

Post # 24
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

spearmint :  right?! Who wouldn’t assume she meant when she passes or is done with it, “you as the daughter who is most like me gets it.” But not before…? That’s just bizarre!

Post # 25
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Uhh…no! Don’t ask your mother to take her ring off her finger and place it on yours! That would put her in an uncomfortable position. Give her daughter her ring and try to find another one for herself, or leave her daughter disappointed with no engagement ring.

If your fiancé can’t afford to purchase an engagement ring right now, don’t get one or get a plain band. I’m surprised this is even a question.

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