Post # 1
I was married before – it lasted just under 2 years. When we got engaged my (now ex) was in college, I was working and had a good job. He asked what ring I wanted, I picked one out and “we” (me) paid for it with our joint account. I was fine with that. It was what I really loved, what I really wanted.
When we split up, it’s been sitting in a box. I thought about selling it but of course you never get what you paid for it.
Fast forward to now, my current BF and I are talking about getting engaged. He’s asked what kind of ring I want and I really kind of want to use my old ring! I’ve looked at others, I just don’t like them as much.
I suggested this and he was opposed to the idea. He said that (1) people would know (only my close friends/family), and (2) it would be a reminder of my ex. I have kids with my ex too so it’s not like he’ll ever be completely gone.
I suggested he take the ring and re-do it, but I really don’t want that either – I like it how it is! He asked if I was just trying to save him money (we don’t live together) and not really, but maybe? I mean, I just can’t see him paying thousands of dollars for something when I already did, and I really really like it! I would rather use that money for a wedding or honeymoon or something else!
I told one of my good friends and she was like “you paid for it, use it if you want!” – what do you think? Am I being cheap?
Post # 3
I probably wouldn’t use the same ring, but I see nothing wrong with using the same stone in a different setting. I don’t think that would be cheap, I think it’s smart!
Post # 4
@habibti: maybe not cheap..let’s say practical instead. However I think you have to take yor SOs feelings into consideration, and it sounds like he’s not thrilled with this idea. is it his first time getting engaged? Maybe he’s looking forward to presenting you with a ring that he chooses. I guess if he wants you to have a gift from him, you should let him. Save your old ring for one of your kids. Good luck
Post # 5
@purpledaisies it is his first time getting engaged – I didn’t think of that! Of course I would be happy with any ring he gives me. If he didnt use my ring I could get it remade to a necklace or something I guess!
Post # 6
If I was your BF I wouldn’t want to be reminded of your ex every time I saw your ring.
Post # 7
What does an engagement ring mean to you? If any part of it is a symbol of your love for the other person and that it’s a promise to get married to said person….it seems inappropriate that you would reuse the one you had when you were with your ex.
However, if a ring is just a ring and you don’t mind that’s a different story. Your FI doesn’t seem all that thrilled though – I would just have him make you a similar ring since you clearly like the style
Post # 8
@habibti: I think he may want to have his moment presenting you with his ring. In his mind it might not be special enough using a ring from your ex, especially since you said you bought it. Let your man buy you a gift 🙂
Post # 9
Yes, this is weird. I would not want to wear the old ring, and if I were your FI, I wouldn’t want you wearing it, either.
Post # 10
@habibti: I think that if you paid for it and you like it, who cares. I’ve thought to myself, what if we ever split and I get engaged again…I’d want the exact same ring I have now. Who cares, it’s a ring.
Post # 11
Yeah I think you are being unfair to him. It’s a new marraige get a new ring. Think of it this way, how would you feel if your boyfriend brought you a engagement ring he had given another women or his ex wife?
Post # 12
@TwoCityBride: Ooooh – that’s a good point. I hadn’t thought of that. I certainly wouldn’t want him to give me a re-used one. Maybe I’m just being more practical.
Neither of us have a lot of money, but I don’t think a ring has to be pricey to be beautiful and meaningful. Maybe I’m just thinking the wrong way.
Post # 13
@habibti: take the diamond out and allow him to reset it for you. That will appease your frugalness and his desire for you to have a special ring from him.
Post # 14
@habibti: I say yes use your ring, if he is comfortable. I was married before and I paid for the wedding bands. When it was over I took them. I used his to finance some jewelry. And I will be weaing mine with some alterations. I would wear them just as they are but I don’t want them to be exactly the same for the reasons that your BF mentioned, other people. Also, my engagement ring is millegrained so adding it to my band will make it a little more matchy matchy, which I used to be against. However, if my hunny was uncomfortable I would simply get new bands. I spent too much to have custom jewelry sititng in my armoire so I would try to do a trade in which gets you more value than trying to get cash for it. I hope everything works out! Good luck!
Post # 15
@habibti: If he wants to buy you a ring, maybe you could let him use your old ring and trade up at a jewelry store and get a similar style, just bigger or upgrade in quality. 🙂
Post # 16
Normally I wholeheatedly recommend the practical, but in cases of “divorce rings” I think the symbolsm being all wrong makes them an impractical decision. The fact that it is from your own divorce would make me side even more strongly with your SO on this one: any ring but that one!