Post # 1
My fiance’s sister just got married at their church a few months ago, and now my fiance wants to use the same church. One huge motivation to do that is that it would be free, and I don’t have a home church to use instead. However, my parents and I both don’t really like the idea for two reasons: 1.) I fear it will look and feel exactly the same as my future sister-in-law’s wedding, especially when both weddings are so close together, and 2.) It seems like it’s all about my fiance, and none of the wedding is about me and what’s important to me. We’re already using my fiance’s pastor as the officiant, so I feel a little bit weird about just doing everything in his world. But money talks. And it’s not like I’m totally against it, there are just a lot of pros and cons to consider. So, a couple questions:
1.) What do you think of the idea of using his church for the ceremony? Would you do it?
2.) Do you have any ideas of how to make the ceremony more about us instead of just him, or ways to differentiate the wedding from his sister’s with decorations, etc.?
Post # 3
First- you dont have a church.
and, well you dont have a church.
How is it all about your FI? Are there other things going on? I dont really understand…
In lots of towns, there is only one church. And everyone in that town gets married at that church. Especially if thats the church the family belongs too.
Im sorry, I just dont really see the problem here…
Post # 4
@kjo: I agree. If OP doesn’t have an option of her own, then she can’t really complain about the wedding not being about her. I think having a wedding at a site that means something to one person is better than having it where it means nothing to both people. Just because OP doesn’t have any attachment to the church doesn’t mean the wedding isn’t about her anymore.
@zebendyone: My suggestion: If you’re feeling like it’s becoming one-sided, maybe you and Fiance could look at other churches where you, as a couple, would like to worship once you are married.
I would also suggest different colors, different bridesmaids dresses, and different flowers. Make sure the wedding carries out your vision, though. It should be about what you want more than how different it is from your FSIL’s wedding.
Good luck! I’m sure it will be beautiful.
Post # 5
If you don’t have a church, what is the problem with having it at his? It’s pretty common for siblings to get married at the same church because…well, for the exact reason you stated – it’s their family’s home church!
I don’t see how this makes the wedding not about you at all. Let’s get real, most wedding elements are largely based on what the bride wants. Sounds like this is important to your groom – it’s also free and the obvious logical place to get married. Are you really going to pay to get married at some random church you and your Fiance have zero connection to just because it’s your FI’s church and his sister got married there too? That sounds kinda…well, like not being a very thoughtful or courteous Fiance. Especially when you throw in that your parents don’t like it either. Why should they care? Sounds kind of like a snobby thing about his family’s church not being good enough or something, either that or just kinda a bridezilla moment…maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I can bet that’s how your Fiance and possibly his family would take it.
Post # 6
I married in the same church as lots of my friends. And I know a few siblings who also married in the same place (that church). So I don’t see a problem.
I don’t see how the ceremony is “about him”. You can choose (together as a couple) the flowers, the colours, the music, the readings, all different from Future Sister-In-Law. And then you can have your reception in a different place too.
Post # 7
Yeah, like I said, I’m not totally against it, just weighing pros and cons. I felt weird about it because I felt like all our pictures would look like clones of his sister’s, but, ya know, oh well. 😛 And then my parents just wanted it to be more even. It feels weird for the ceremony location and officiant to be so meaningful to him but mean absolutely nothing to me. For example, his sister used her church but her husband chose the officiant (his grandpa). And my Future Mother-In-Law totally understood and isn’t pushing it. My fiance doesn’t appear to care much, he just wants to do it there to save money, not because it means a lot to him to have it there.
But the fact that so many of you see absolutely no problem with it makes me feel better. Perhaps my and my parents’ objections are unreasonable given the situation. :]
Post # 8
@zebendyone: I do see what you mkean about the pictures, that part might give me pause too…but I think it’s a pretty easy problem to fix. Just have different colors and flowers…and better docrations 😉
Post # 9
I’ve been to lots of weddings at the same church. It’s pretty typical. I’d say your parents are being unreasonable if they don’t even have an alternative venue to offer. They just don’t want your FI’s family to have all the attention? That’s pretty immature.
Post # 10
You know what? A gazillion of my cousins have been married at the same church and it’s really no big deal. If it wasn’t a Catholic church, I would consider doing it just as a bonding thing. It’s where we go for blessings, funerals, weddings, etc. The photos might look COMPLETELY different if you use a different photographer. Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it because when would the photos ever be side by side? I think you should let him have this one, since you don’t have a competing alternative in mind. Think about how hard it would be if you both had “home churches” to decide between!
Post # 11
I would be open to using his church (although we are not getting married at either church, we did not want a church ceremony) because you can def. make the day about the two of you and not just him. Maybe incorporate someone on “your side” to read a poem or sing or something since you feel like its all him being in his church with his pastor.
However, unlike many Bee’s above, I do understand the future sister-in-law thing. My fiance has a brother 2 years younger who is also engaged. While we got engaged before them, we didn’t set a date or start planning because we were in different cities. We got engaged in September, they got engaged in March and started planning right away. They set a date before us and started planning right away. There are only so many reasonably priced venues around here because its such a big area for destination weddings. I had almost decieded on one venue but then my Future Mother-In-Law informed me that was defintely the venue that they were choosing and that my future SIL didn’t care about it being at the same place but I had a HUGE problem with it (even though I have had plenty of friends and cousins get married there, it was different being my future brother and sister in law) epsecially because like you say, the weddings are so close. Our wedding is actually coming first, this spring and they are getting married in the summer so I didn’t want it to be at the same place and people show up to there wedding and be “comparing” everything to how it was at our wedding. I didn’t just do it for my own selfish reasons (although I would lie if I said it wasn’t some of those) but for her also. Even though she said she was okay with it, I wondered if when the time came she really would be. We finally found a perfect venue for us (although we are paying almost double.. yikes but in all fairness our budget from the beginning has been double hers) and they have the perfect venue for them. We can have our day and then they can have there day with nothing alike.
Post # 12
ok whats the big deal when you dont have your own church…get over it! i dont have my own church and we are getting married in his familys church and (im not catholic). and its also where his 2 brothers got married at! all you have to do is put different flowers up or how ever you wana do it. The agreement my Fiance and I have is that he wanted to get married where his brothers got married in the church, so i said fine if you get to pick the church then i get to pick the reception hall. if you think that this wedding is all about your FI? then girl think have you said your ideas and tried compromsing on them? or just making excuses. Im sorry for being so blunt. but the way i see it a wedding is not just about you or him…its about both of you! so yes let your man have a little spot light also!