(Closed) Using wife's last name?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My fiance’s parents took each other’s last names when they married, which was quite a bold move back in the late 1970’s.  My fiance actually said he’d have done that with me, but now that he’s already hyphenated, it’s pretty hard to figure out what to do there!

Post # 4
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

One of FI’s coworkers each kept their own last names, and they’re alternating which last name their children get- i.e., they just had a baby who has his mom’s last name, but if they have another it will have the dad’s last name. As for the husband taking the wife’s name, I don’t know anyone who did that in the manner you suggest, but I do know a couple where both of them have the wife’s maiden name as their legal middle name now, and his name as the last name.

 

Post # 5
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee

@fishbone:  No kidding. Same with my FI.  He’s seriously thinking about legally changing his name just to his dad’s so that we wont have to deal with that damn hyphen anymore.

Post # 6
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@lumos:  My FH is going to take my last name. He doesn’t have a strong attachment to his; in fact, taking my last name was his idea, as a way to honor my father and grandfather. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

A friend of mine. He kept his name, their baby has his wife’s. It my circle, its not unusual for the wife to keep her last name, but the little girl is the first kid I know personally with her mama’s name only.

Post # 8
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I know a woman who kept her last name when she married and their children (boys, if that matters) all have her last name. She said it got a little confusing sometimes. For example teachers assuming the children weren’t her husband’s, but otherwise she was happy with the decision. I’ve never personally seen a man take his wife’s name.

Post # 9
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Two of my friends from high school got married a few years ago and he took her last name.  He wasn’t close to his father and saw no need to “preserve” the last name.  So, he took hers and their child has hers as well.

Post # 10
Member
903 posts
Busy bee

An old friend and his new wife have hyhenated names (herlastname-hislastname). They’re very liberal. I’m very liberal, too, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but I’d never choose that for us. It seems emasculating and it would be hugely frowned upon among our family and many of our friends. I was a little surprised that they did this, honestly.

 

Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wonder about this because my FH is adopted, and I kind of don’t want their name as it has no historical significance for the family. He knows his biological last name and thought about taking it once we marry, but I don’t see why we both need a name foreign to us. I’d prefer he just take mine, but he was kind of quiet on that when I mentioned it.

Post # 12
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Friends of DHs have doen something similar. First baby born before they married and I think has both last names. Married but each kept their own name. Second baby has ONLY mom’s last name. I was totally confused by the birth announcement but DH tells me his friend is thinking of changeing his name to wife’s because he likes hers better (short and simple while his is long and more complicated). They are generally very libberal people if you couldn’t tell already. 

Post # 13
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Rush1986:  Parents might think hyphenated names are a great idea, but they clearly don’t get that it causes problems later on. Good idea get rid of the hyphen!

As for the poster who said that their neighbours are giving their kids separate surnames. How damn confusing is That for their kids, the kids school teachers, etc etc. I can just see them having to explain to school friends “Yes he is my brother, and yes we do have the same father!”

I found out that I’m pregnant. Our baby will have its daddy’s surname and that’s the way it should be 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
9956 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Here in Canada all of this is quite common.

Infact in my first marriage (circa 1980) I kept my maiden name… which was a pretty radical NEW idea back then.

In Canada, when you marry the couple can decide what they want to do… without any hassle… ya just decide to change your legal name, and send in the paperwork (no additional fees)

So for example…

The Wife can keep her Maiden Name (Jones) – The Wife can take her Husband’s Surname (Smith) – The Husband can take the Wife’s Surname (Jones) – or the Husband & Wife can combine or hyphenate their names (ie Jones Smith, or Smith-Jones or even Jonesmith) – The couple can also ditch their previous names and come up with something else… (ie Black, Brown, Doe or anything else of their choosing)

These rules apply to ANYONE who is marrying here… be they straight or gay.

And as for children, again the rules are flexible.  Although “traditionally” a child will take the Surname of the Father (Bobby Smith) – Or of the Mother if she isn’t married (Bobby Jones)… it is also possible for the child to be named anything that the Parent so wishes… (Bobby Smith-Jones, Bobby Jonesmith, Bobby Green, Bobby White, etc.  in that there is no requirement that the child’s name must match that of the Parents)

*NOTE – The exception to the above is found in The Province of Quebec, which practices Napoleonic Law and is therefore much different from the rest of North America. There you have ONE name from cradle to grave… so Women (or Men) don’t have the option of changing their surname once they are married. Lol, it really isn’t a BIG Deal in Quebec, also because Marriage is pretty uncommon… most folks there live Common Law (which in Canada affords one pretty much all the rights that one has if they are married… especially so if one has a Co-habitation Agreement, and a Will)

It may sound confusing, but it really isn’t… things are way more relaxed up here in this regard… so no one blinks an eye… a name is just a name.

Infact many Canadians, myself included, tend to have many “social” names that they use in addition to their legal name.

Example… My legal name may be Sarah Jones, but I am married to Robert Smith, so I will also be known in some circles as Sarah Smith.  Likewise my daughter may be from my first marriage, and be called Sue Brown, so I will also answer to Sarah Brown when the school needs me… and I may work in an industry where I have another “persona” that I adapt for work (Acting, Writing etc)… so I may also be known as Suzanne Black.  It really isn’t a headache… as most of the time, all the folks you interact with only know you by one name anyhow.

Hope this is helpful in your search for info…

 

Post # 15
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

By the way I read an article one time about this guy who took his wife’s name. His surname was an embarrassing one though I must admit. 

Post # 16
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Irish-bride:  we are all entitled to our own opinions, but your comment doesn’t seem particularly helpful. I’m glad you and your husband have found it easy to decide on the surname issue, but for some people the decision is really hard. As for how things “should” be, that isn’t really a fair statement. The right decision for someone isn’t the right decision for everyone.

For OP: I don’t know anyone personally who has made this decision, but here is a blog post from APW about a husband who came to that very conclusion. http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/05/husband-taking-wifes-name/ Theirs was a bit more complicated since it was technically his wife’s stage name, but I’m pretty sure the principle behind the story is the same. Good luck coming to your decision!!! As far as children are concerned, I have my name and our son has my FHs name. I haven’t had any trouble with it and don’t feel like any less of a family for it.

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