Post # 1
I’m cruising the bee boards now on the topic of name changing and I’ve seen people write about using your husband’s last name “socially”. I am trying to understand what that means and all I can figure is that it means accepting when people refer to you as Mrs. Hislastname. I would think that if you wanted to change your last name to your husband’s last name, you’d do it legally, too. I can see if a wife would be hesitant to or not intent on changing her last name because of professional of personal reasons but then I don’t see why you’d want to, I guess, “technically” go by your husband’s last name “socially”. That would keep you as a Ms. and not a Mrs., right?
Through our engagement and at the wedding we received cards and messages that said “Hisfirstname and Myfirstname Hislastname” or “Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname” before anyone knew if I was intent on changing my last name. I was irritated and got all social-sciency about it but I think that I mostly thought it was weird that people assumed that I would change my last name. Of course, it’s tradition, but I suppose that since it has been a tradition in flux for what seems like so long, people would wait to know what you’d do concerning your name before they write it down.
It’s funny because although in the back of my mind I always knew that the issue of name changing was a part of the engagment and wedding and marriage planning, I didn’t really think about it until about a month before the wedding when our DJ asked us how we’d like to be introduced at the reception!
I wonder how some women I know on Facebook dealt with this issue. Facebook offers the option to basically show that you have an alternate name, such as a maiden name but some women just add their husband’s name after their maiden name in the field for their full name.
Post # 3
I considered only using my husband’s name socially. To me, it would have meant keeping my name legally and using it professionally, but using his last name in my personal life. My driver’s license, social security card, credit cards, bank accounts, etc. would all have my last name. I would also have continued to practice law under my last name. But to my familiy and friends, actually every place other than at work, I would be Neva Hislastname.
I didn’t actually do that because I’m an encore and he didn’t like the thought of his wife having her ex-husband’s name as her legal name. To be honest, I didn’t much like it either, but I was afraid changing my name would be a problem professionally. Changing my name turned out to be a bit confusing at first, but after almost a year, I think most people who I deal with regularly know me by my new name. It really wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. However, had I been using my maiden name when I married, I probably would have kept it legally and used his socially.
On FB, I use Neva Maidenname Hislastname. I’ve considered dropping my maiden name, but I still get the occasional friend request from people I went to high school and college with, so I’m leaving my name that way so people from my past can find me.
Post # 4
I am an older, first time bride so am very established in my career. I use my maiden name at work and for legal purposes. Very few business associates even asked if I was changing my name. Because I have a rental property, credit cards, passport, vehicle in my maiden name it is just wayyy too confusing to change it.
I don’t have any problem being called Mrs HisLastName so I use it socially–christmas cards, invitations, etc. My Facebook friends are strictly real friends and family–no work people. I am Georgia MaidenName MarriedName, as does practically every married woman I know, including those who changed their names.
Post # 5
Yep, I’ve seen the Firstname Lastname Hislastname on Facebook a lot and it can help with searches. I’ve wondered if it’s mostly women just stating their maiden names or if they really changed their names to Firstname Lastname Hislastname legally which I am thinking of doing. No hyphens, just making my last name my middle name. Something like that!
I think I read something about using your husband’s last name “socially” as similar to using a (non-legal) nickname instead of your first name. That makes me understand it better.
Post # 6
I really wanted to continue using my name professionally, but use his name when I’m picking up my kids at school and whatnot. Unfortunately, I have to use my legal name professionally, but I want my passport and whatnot to match my children, so I also have to legally take his name. Which for me means hyphenating. However, I intend to still use my maiden name only at work, and when I pick up kids from soccer, I’ll just use his name. I don’t intend to actually say my entire hyphenated name very frequently.
For me, part of the reason I want to retain my name professionally is because Fiance and I are both doctors, so it’s an identity thing (don’t want to be one of two “Dr. Hisnames” in the hospital), and a family pride thing (I’ve waited a long time to be Dr. Myname and I’m excited about it). Plus I get to feel like I’m still part of my family as well as part of my new family. However, it is a pain in the butt, so I understand people wanting to choose one or the other.
Post # 7
I am retaining my own name professsionally and legally but taking his name socially.
Professionally – I’m self employed and my name is my brand.
Legally – We’re applying for a visa in my name which takes up to 2 years to process. I don’t want to complicate this further with a name change and following that we wont be living in the country that issue our passport / Drivers licience etc so admin will be tricky.
Socially – While I like my name and am attached to it, I also want to be part of ‘team hisname’ so I’m happy to be known as Mrs Hisname. For facebook I might use both or some sort of combination – will have to see but this I see as separate to the two things above.
Basically it depends on your circumstances.
Post # 8
Professionally, I’m branded around my first name (lucky me), but I’m going to retain my maiden name.
Socially, I don’t really care what people call me, but I’d be happy to be Mrs. S____. So many people mangle my name (first and last) that I answer to almost anything and stopped getting upset about it when I was about 6 years old (I still remember…my gymnastics teacher, who I adored, couldn’t get my name right…I stopped caring).
I’m definitely going to make chair signs that say Mr. S___ and Mrs. S___ for the wedding. I love those. 🙂
Am I babbling? Did I even answer the question in the original post?
Post # 9
I’m a school teacher and have thought about changing my name, but keeping my maiden name at school. The students know me best by my name…and my new name is something that can be turned into a pretty crude joke at the jr. high school level and I’m not sure I really feel like having to deal with that. Otherwise though, everywhere else I will be known as Mrs. Hislastname. I’m still not 100% decided though… I might just change it completely.
Post # 10
I’m not sure what I’m going to do…. I haven’t changed my name yet though. A lot of my stuff expires in 2012 so I could go through the name change process then. I’ve already been married for awhile and it hasn’t been a problem to interchangeably use two last names (though my maiden name is for anything official). I was laughing to my husband at the many different ways people address me in letters. It doesn’t bother me no matter what last name or title people use, I just find it funny to see what people go with. I haven’t really made any distinction in what I prefer.
Post # 11
I want to be Mrs Hislastname so bad but legally changing my name right now would be so complicated even if we are already legally married. I go with his name socially (and because I’ve never met an American that can pronounce my last name correctly, let alone spell it), but we still have immigration stuff going on so I’m keeping my maiden name on all legal papers. I do plan on changing my last name in a year and half when we apply for my permanent Green Card , which also happens to be just after the religious ceremony/reception.
Post # 12
I think for many people even if they do decide to keep their name for whatever reason they will still be refered to as Mrs. Hislastname. My mother legally never changed her name until she had been married for over 20 yrs but it didn’t matter because everyone always refered to her with the last name of her husband and her kids. I think especially when you have kids and they start doing sports and you meet their teachers at school people will automatically assume that you have the same last name as your children. So I guess you can keep your last name for whichever purposes you need to but in social scenes you will most likely be referred to by your husbands last name.
Post # 13
hmm I think using his last name socially would be more complicated. IMO you either take his last name or you dont. Why make it more than it is.?
Post # 14
I’m keeping my last name (mostly cause HE wants me to and I finally saw “the light of the day” and stopped arguing to change it to his, lol) but I’m already considered “Mrs. HisLastName” by his friends.
In fact, we went to visit a friend (ok, it was the friend’s meeting for his remake of NotLD) and he said “I see trenchcoats, it must be the HisLastNames”. Yeah, happy times since we’re not even married yet, lol.
So, socially speaking, I’m already his wife. To me, it feels really good to be seen AS his wife even before we’re married. It means a lot to me knowing his friends, who love him, approve and think I’m perfect for him and see me as his wife, which is the ultimate compliment, in my opinion.
Post # 15
I’m keeping my last name for professionally only and for all online social networks. In my work, I am branded around my maiden name and I just don’t want to go through the process of changing everything. Anytime I publish something, it will stay the same as how it was before. Because I use Facebook and Twitter to “market” myself, I want to make sure that my name there and my name in my writing is the same. I just need consistency there. My Fiance realizes this and he’s OK with it.
However, legally I will change my name. I do this mostly for my children. I think on my license, SS card, passport, that having the same name as my husband and my children will in the long run be a benefit. Bills and Christmas cards should be sent to Mr and Mrs HisName.
Maybe I’ll eventually change it on Facebook, but I doubt it.
Post # 16
@MissKatelyn: thanks for reminding me on the kids’ part!
I already have two WITH my current last name (one is my FI’s, but he loves her initials and refuses to have it changed….). So, after we get married and have another, the next will have HIS last name.
Confusing? probably, but it’d be a huge hassle and long, drawn-out process to even change my son’s (from a previous marriage), so there would be at least one with my current last name.
Regardless, my son sees my Fiance as his father, my daughter CALLS my Fiance “daddy”, and any other we have will call him “daddy”. The name doesn’t matter, it’s the person’s beliefs, attitude, and (it’s cliche but true) what’s inside that counts.