(Closed) Using your husband’s last name “socially”?

posted 9 years ago in Names
Post # 17
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

Bumping this thread.

You guys are so lucky you have a CHOICE to change your name.  I just found out yesterday that because I live in Quebec, Canada, I am no allowed to change it.

You can’t even get a legal name change in Quebec with out a dire reason, and from all the research I’ve done, and reading blogs from women who have tried, marriage is not a good enough reason.

So now I am trying to research what exactly IS using your name in social settings.  This thread has given me lots of info but I’m still heartbroken I can’t have mail and such addressed to Mr. and Ms. Hislastname.   I was SO looking forward to it.

My dad left my family high and dry when I was 7 and I have not seen him since so my name holds only yucky memories for me.

*sigh*

And Quebec apparently did this for womens rights!!! Um I don’t have the right to choose so how is that in support of my rights?   Grrr

Post # 18
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Oneeleven:

I knew this about Quebec 🙁 Women’s rights. Pshh. If it were for women’s rights, they would let women CHOOSE like the rest of the country 🙁

Post # 19
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I like this social idea… think I will go with that!  It just seems like a lot of hassle to change everything.  If anything, I’d hyphenate when we have kids, but I still want to be a part of my last name.

Post # 20
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

For me, using his name “socially” only means that I respond to “Mrs. X” in social situations, when addressed by people who don’t know (or don’t care) that I didn’t change my name. Of all the things to get riled up by, I was not going to run around correcting everyone who called me “Mrs. X,” or sent cards to “Mr. and Mrs. X,” because it’s an endless and fruitless effort. 🙂

Legally I have retained my maiden name, and I introduce myself that way. 

Post # 21
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This goes both ways for us too… Because all of the membership cards are in my name, he get’s called “Mr. Mylastname” at the grocery store, pet store, gas station etc…  Mail comes addressed to him with my last name too.  He couldn’t care less, and he never corrects anyone

Post # 22
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

See, Fiance could care less about me keeping my maiden and in fact, thought that was the norm as he is from Quebec.

It’s me who hates it.

I am trying to get used to this, but I really friggen hate the idea.

heres hoping we get posted to another province!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 23
Member
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m curious, in the US is it a legal name change?  Here, if you take your husband’s last name it’s not considered a legal name change and you can revert back at any time.

I’m doing the social name thing.  I have publications with my name, and don’t really want the hassle of changing it.  We’re not really planning on having kids, I might reconsider if we do but I can always change it later.

Post # 24
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

In Canada there are three ways to do it (besides just using the name in social settings)

You can ‘assume’ your husbands name. Meaning you can change all your documents to his name with just your marriage certificate, but your birth certificate stays as is, with your maiden name.

You can legally change your name with your marriage certificate, this means you’ll change your same documentation, AND your bc with now have your new name but will also have your maiden name on the document just written as ‘former name’

And you can do a personal name change.  This is the one that you can do married, single, or even if you’re common law and want to take your partners name.  You can change your first name, middle and last with this method. 

In Ontario, the last of the three costs money and the first two do not IF you do it within 90 days of the wedding, or if you’re switching back from the first two due to divorce or widow reasons, it is also free for the 90 days after that.

Can ya tell I’ve been researching this!! loloL!

Post # 25
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have legally changed my name so that I have two last names, no hyphen, like people have on facebook.   It’s pretty common here.   My only glitch was that my bank had to put a hyphen in to make the system accept my double last name.

So, legally, I have two last names, but will likely just go by Mrs. Hislastname at work and socially.   I just wasn’t prepared to drop my whole identity while getting married, plus everyone still knows who I am.  🙂

It was a great compromise.

Post # 26
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I was wondering if you name really changes? Here in Holland you always keep your maiden name in your pasport but you can uwe his name

Post # 26
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
Miss OBG:  I am recently married and I am in the same boat as you were regarding professionaly not changing your name. I have established myself as a PsyD. and would like to keep my maiden name on my professional license. Can you please tell me what you needed to do to do that. In other words I need to have his last name for legal documents such as health insurance and bank accounts but keep my maiden name in my professional world. what did you change it to legally? Do I hyphen it and only sign his last name on documents. This is so very confusing. 

Post # 27
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

View original reply
Oneeleven:  Wow. Does Quebec have laws about the surname of children you might have, too? If both partners keep their last names, then whose name does a child take? Is that up to the parents? I might be weird, but I would be d*mned if my children would carry a different surname from my own. So if I had not changed my name when I married, there would have been a disagreement between DH and myself over what name the children would have because I would not have automatically assumed it would be his. Quite the contrary, as I would have assumed it would be mine.

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