V-Day Insecurities, Trauma, or Ghosting?

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2243 posts
Buzzing bee

You sent that note to a coworker?

IMO, I feel like you’ve made multiple attempts to express your feelings with this guy and from his lack of receptiveness, it can be assumed that he’s just not that into you, bee. You’ve made multiple advances and he’s all but rejected each of them, however nice he may be. Him saying he just got out of a serious relationship and didn’t want anything serious was his way of attempting to decline your advances, but you persisted. 

I would let this one go, girl :/

Post # 3
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2021

If he likes you you’ll know. It’s literally that simple.

Men who go MIA for days and/or who don’t reach out to you are more than likely just not that into you.

Post # 4
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

OP I’m sorry but it sounds like he’s not into you. He would have made a first move or acted on your gestures.  To be honest it’s male nature to want to do the hunting/ chasing so even though your card was really sweet… he prob felt a little pushed. I’d back away from this guy ASAP and just be cordial. Best wishes 

Post # 5
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
EchoFrost :  I’m sorry, but he doesn’t know how to tell you he’s not interested. Every attempt you’ve made to tell him you want a relationship (3 times from your OP?) has been met with excuses or him disappearing on you. He’s too nice to say he’s not interested and is hoping you’ll take the hint. Men can be interested in just friendship, and it sounds like he is. If you’re not able to just be friends with him, and if you’re not able to keep from telling him your feelings (which are not returned by him), then you need to distance yourself from him for your own good. 

Post # 6
Member
4969 posts
Honey bee

He’s triggered by Valentines Day and that’s why he didnt respond? Oy. OP this guy is just way too much work. He does not sound like he’s that into you and he is definitely not interested in a relationship. Give it up already. If he’s interested in you let him do something besides posting memes (really?).

Post # 9
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
EchoFrost :  Aside from whether or not he might be interested underneath his insecurities, I don’t think it’s good for you to keep chasing after someone who draws away do much.  Even if he adored you inside his rattled head, this just too much rejection.  I wouldn’t have the self esteem for it, and I’m generally a confident person.  My husband asked me out and when he was unsure about whether I felt as strongly as he did he asked me about it.  He responded with a marriage discussion a week later that concluded with “I guess that means we’re engaged now”. Me:”Yep. It does.”. No way was I setting myself up to be “waiting” on a proposal–but that’s a separate issue.

I think it was good to be assertive.  It was his last day, so I see nothing wrong with that note at all.  It was a lovely note.  But he is a project and that is just not good for you.  Keep looking.  Find someone who’s ready for a relationship.  You’ve been brave with this guy.  Find someone who can be brave back.  This guy isn’t the one.

Post # 10
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
EchoFrost :  lots of typos above.  Sorry.  I didn’t mean my husband initiated a marriage discussion a week after asking me out.  That’s too soon!  Lol.  I meant a week after asking me for clarification about how I felt and if I was as serious as he was.

Post # 11
Member
792 posts
Busy bee

 

Let me tell you why he is MIA so often…. he is likely trying to get his ex back.

Hello!? C’mon people! Let’s be real here. He isn’t trying to ‘get over’ his crappy relationship. If he truly was doing that, then he would be using OP as a welcome distraction at the very least. 

But just throwing crumbs at her time to time is his way of trying to make her into an option, not a priority.

Whatever this fool told you about his ex is probably who he is and his lack of basic manners is speaking louder than his words. Even if he was ‘triggered’ by V-Day, he should have the decency to respond to you and tell you the same b.s. he told you three days later because even with 72 hours on his hands, he still did not come up with his so-called ‘perfect response’ to your card.

This one is a dud, ladies! Get rid of it.

Post # 12
Member
7383 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Can you imagine if a dude did all these things to a woman at work? It would be super creepy! Stop flirting with him, stop confessing your love in letters and texts. Seriously, you need to back off. He’s not interested. 

Post # 13
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

View original reply
queenie8119 :  I dont even think he is throwing crumbs. I think OP is assessing his every move as some sort of flirting when its just him trying to be friends. She wants more, he clearly stated he wasnt ready to date or be in a relationship. 

 

View original reply
EchoFrost :  

I dont know how much clearer it needs to be for you to get it. It sounds like he just wants friendship and then you push a little and he backs off. He is setting boundaries that you are just a friend, but then you just roll right over that boundary. You are not reading the signs he is putting out. You are seriously making him uncomfortable.

Think about this if the shoe was on the other foot and some guy who you only wanted to be friends with, kept crossing a boundary with you. You would back off too, until he figured out he screwed up. 

By the way, that card is so over the top, signed “Wishing to be yours” Really? He told you he only wants to be friends and you are sending him a Valentine when he only wants to be friends. You are crossing boundaries and you are still wondering when you should contact him?

Post # 14
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  Thank God I wasnt the only one who was thinking it and typing it. You beat me to it.

Post # 15
Member
4668 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
EchoFrost :  He is definitely not interested in you romantically. You’ve done waaay too much already to the point where it’s cringey. If he’s really interested, nothing will stop him from reciprocating the same to you. He’s just full of the typical textbook excuses. I bet all this time you spent writing about him in this post, he’s not even thinking about you (sounds mean but it is what it is). Stop chasing him. You deserve better.

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