(Closed) Vacation vs. Wedding — FFIL not attending?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7736 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsem2bee:  Basic advice is to let Fiance deal with his dad. But what is it that is booked a year in advance? Is it like a cruise or overseas trip which he’s already paid deposit for? How I proceed would depend on how much money Future Father-In-Law has committed. If he’s committed $5k for a once in a lifetime trip, I’d say that date is out and you’ve got to find another date. If he’s only committed a small amount of money, I’d offer to pay the deposit he’s losing. Or if it’s simply that he’s planned a vacation with his wife and stepkids, I think it’s time Fiance gave the “well just this once you give me priority” talk.

Post # 5
Member
8437 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Did you ask your VIP’s if they had any dates that were not negotiable? Whilst your wedding is the most important thing in life to you guys, to others it may not be. If he has an annual trip that he takes then it may be important or significant to him.

My dad takes an annual trip with the boys. It occurs the same weekend every year and has done for 30 years. To everyone else it might seem like just a boys weekend but to my dad and his friends it is the weekend that they get together to celebrate the life of a friend who died tragically 31 years ago. It is important to them.

I guess this is the time for you and your Fiance to decide what is more important to you- the guest list or the venue. Only you guys can decide.

Post # 6
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He was upfront with you about being unavailable.  So now it’s on you and your fiance to decide whether you want him there.  The world does not stop because you’re having a wedding.  

Post # 8
Member
7736 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsem2bee:  I think if at all possible Fiance needs to try harder to get his father to talk about it. “I’m not available” isn’t a good enough reason to ask someone to move their wedding date. In a family you communicate, Future Father-In-Law needs to communicate the level of importance of what he’s doing. Because your own son’s wedding should come ahead of just about anything. (Including, e.g. stepchildren’s birthdays, which can be celebrated a week earlier or later).

I have a similar situation with my Father-In-Law and his stepdaughter and step-grandchildren (they seem to take priority over my kids, his own grandchildren) but at least he isn’t too blatant about it.

But if Future Father-In-Law continues to stonewall and offer no reasons, then it’s hard. Personally I’d try to be the peacemaker and see if April 26, or a date in May, was possible.

The topic ‘Vacation vs. Wedding — FFIL not attending?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors