Post # 1
A little background info on us…i’m catholic he is not…yet…next saturday he will be joining the church…yaaay…i’ve never been married before and he has…we have already cleared up his whole previous marriage with the church…he also had a vasectomy during his previous marriage and we had planned on reversing that AFTER we got married…yesterday he asked me if the church was going to have a problem with that…will they want us to get it reversed BEFORE we get married?
i have a good friend who is a priest…he will be the one marrying us and not our local priest…my boyfriend wants me to text my friend and ask him…but i don’t want to…simply becuase i don’t want him to say yes you have to do it before…we just keep hitting road block after road block…and i was getting so down feeling like we were never going to get married but now that the annulment went through and he’s a week away from joining the church and that he’s dropping hints about when he’s going to ask me to marry him i’m all excited and relieved that its actually happening i don’t want to hit another road block and have someone say we have to get the reversal done before the wedding cuz we just don’t have the money for it right now…
has anyone ever run into this problem or heard of anyone having this problem before?
Post # 3
@bundy2be: Why does he need to have the reversal before? I know vasectomies are agains your religion, but are they really trying to send the message that you can’t get married unless you’re able to have children?
Post # 4
I wouldn’t say anything. Unless your friend knows your SO has had a vasectomy, the only way for him to find out is if you tell him. I see it more as an “ignorance is bliss” situation.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
I wouldn’t tell the Priest. Because vasectomies are against the Roman Catholic Church’s teaching, he’d probably try to council your Fiance to getting it reversed right away before marriage.
Just let sleeping dogs lie, and go about it in your own private lives. Your Fiance can get it reversed after the wedding.
Post # 6
Umm that seems like NONE of their business.
Post # 7
Basically the problem with the vasectomy is that the Church considers that mutilating his perfectly healthy body with unneccesary surgery to keep it from functioning normally. It’s an artificial surgical solution to planning a family instead of an organic natural one. A medical “treatment” where there is no disease whatosever.
That being said, it requires another surgical procedure to put things back the way they were. The Church doesn’t require surgery of any kind for anything.
The one thing that might affect this is that in order for your marriage to be valid sacramentally you both need to be open and accepting of the life-giving aspects of love. That doesn’t mean you have to have kids, just that you understand that’s how your body works.
For getting married in the Catholic Church you have to understand when you express your love with your genitals that’s where babies come from and there’s nothing bad about that. It’s not supposed to be f*cked with, no hacking away at it or ingesting chemical compounds or stuff like that to get it to stop working. It works like that for a reason so we’re supposed to celebrate and respect it. Not pop babies out every five minutes (or at all) but respect it and not treat your natural fertility like an illness. It’s not.
So if he understands why it was a bad idea to get the vasectomy and you do, too, then it’s not a problem and I wouldn’t bring it up with the priest. But if he doesn’t “get it”, then yes, it should be discussed. The reason why is that if you don’t both agree that love can be life-giving, then the Church considers you to not quite grasp what marriage and love-making is all about and you have to fully understand what you’re getting into before you can contract a valid marriage in the Church.
Not that they will say hey! invalid marriage! But it will be anullable.
Post # 8
Yes the church may take the stance that vasectomy’s, condoms , the pill etc are not in keeping with its beliefs on procreation….but I don’t think they really enforce it these days….. ( I don’t think the church approved ‘billings method’ is the reason why catholic families dont have 7 children anymore!!)
All the priests and nuns I’ve ever spent time with are very practical and logical people….they are very understanding of modern life and situations. I think that they’ve realised that people dont have sex just to procreate. I doubt they would tell him to have it reversed before the wedding. I think the churches stance these days, is as long as you are both willing to accept and love any child that comes from your relationship….they are happy.
They are a lot more relaxed about everything these days….my sister married a non catholic….she wanted him to come into the faith….the priest refused saying her hubby shouldn’t become a catholic until he felt ready…the only thing the church stipulated was that any children they have must be raised catholic and that her husband always support her and any children in their beliefs.
Post # 9
I doubt this would even come up. How is it different from a Catholic bride who’s taking birth control with every intetion of stopping AFTER the wedding. No, it doesn’t make it right, but that’s between her, her future husband and God.
I think so long as you both fully intend to try for children by any means necessary, then this should remain between the both of you. I’m not saying you should lie if you guys are asked point blank “are you planning on using any form of birth control?” Then no, you should not lie but tell the truth. I don’t see that this should prevent your marriage, and I certainly was never asked such a question during marriage prep. We were only asked to talk about how we felt about birth control, and we were educated on the churches veiws on the matter.
Having said all this, I really dont think you have anything to worry about. BUT, you should know that the longer he waits to reverse the vasectomy, the smaller the chances of a successful reversal.
Post # 10
Well when my Fiance and I met with the priest who will be marrying us, we had to go under oath and answer some questions, some about intent to have children/ not using methods of b/c and such. some of those questions might be tricky to answer honestly given your FI’s vasectomy.
I would just be up front with it about your priest. Maybe if you don’t feel comfortable talking about it with your friend that would marry you, maybe you could talk about it with a priest from your parish.
Everything will work out in the end don’t worry yourself too much!
Post # 11
@Pinkmoon: I agree, that’s extremely personal and you should just keep it to yourselves. No priest needs to know about that.
I would hope that a church would accept a new convert physically as they are, i.e. it would be ridiculous if someone with tattoos all over came to a church, the priest/pastor wouldn’t say “take those off before you convert”.
Post # 12
I don’t think you need to share this because it sounds like you both ARE honestly open to having children. Yes, as a Catholic he should not have had a vasectomy, but it happened BEFORE he became a Catholic, and he is willing to go to the length of reversing it in order to open up the possibility of having children with you. That is all he CAN do, he cannot turn back time and make it like it never happened.
I don’t think he would be required to reverse it prior to the wedding. What if he couldn’t afford the reversal right away? Or if it wasn’t successful? You both sound like you WANT children, and that is the most important thing. It’s unfortunate that he had the vasectomy as it is not in line with his new Catholic life, but it is what it is.