Post # 46
Our agreement is that if our last baby is a c-section then I will get my tubes tied at the same time. If not, h gets a vasectomy. He was resistant at first, but it is just logical. Not even talking about balance/fairness, just the invasive vs non-invasive argument should be enough. give him time
Post # 47
jivet: this is pretty much exactly our agreement too. I told him I’d get my tubes tied if I had a c-section because they’d already be in there. However, I plan to avoid a c-section at all costs so this isn’t very likely unless something goes seriously wrong during labor. He pretty much agreed that if I give birth naturally, he’d get it done. Although, he said he’d have to be heavily sedated because he just couldn’t sit there knowing a doctor is cutting his balls lol
Post # 48
I don’t look forward to having this conversation with my husband at all. He has very strong opinions about such things, some of the strongest of which are based on some article(s) he read some time. He was vehemently against my taking hormonal birth control because “umm, I heard it’s bad for you and stuff,” but then refused to use condoms. And the pull-out method was ruining our sex life. I was always scared and could never really let go and he always had to stop at the exact moment when he didn’t really want to. He didn’t relent until I finally said, “uh, would you like to abstain for the rest of our marriage?” And even then it took about a week after my posing that question + the most perfectly timed (and most historically WICKED) PMS symptoms ever for him to finally agree that I’ll be the final decision maker on what goes on with my body. Likewise, he has the final say on what happens with his. I already know he’s not going to want a vasectomy. And I’m not going to pressure him because it was a horrible feeling when he did that to me.
Post # 49
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
He’s getting ” fixed” he agreed to it I think lol we have only barely discussed it since we won’t be ttc for yeeeears to come.
Post # 50
My ex had a vasectomy and it was no big deal. I drove him there, he was in and out after the snip, iced it for the day, then went back to work. After my divorce, I didn’t want to opt out of having another baby ever, so I just got an IUD.
Post # 51
Daizy914: FH will have a vasectomy. We will not have children and since I too do not want to be on the pill forever, he’s getting snipped. Done and done. Both my bro and Brother-In-Law have had it done. No big deal.
ETA: I currently have a Mirena IUD. I love it. When it comes out in another year or two, should FH not be snipped, I’ll have the doc put another in. AWESOME product.
Post # 52
Daizy914: I would be very hurt if my future husband reacted this way. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not one man does whatever he wants. Hopefully, your husband will come around on this subject.
Post # 53
Daizy914: I hate the idea of both vasectomy and tubal ligation. SO and I don’t plan on children anyway, but I am on long term BC with Mirena, which I would gladly stay on forever (seeing as though my gyn won’t remove my troublesome uterus, but I am 31 so I can understand his reluctance!). Mirena has been great for me, minimal side effects and once it’s in, you really done think about it. But like any form of hormonal BC, it doesn’t suit every woman. I have heard as many horror stories as I’ve heard good stories.
I think your argument is valid though – it is the woman who has to go on hormonal birth control – some with terrible side effects – to prevent pregnancy for most of their lives, they have to go through pregnancy and childbirth, at some point it should be the man’s turn! I would be upset in your situation too, but it sounds like it’s still a little way off. Your Darling Husband may come around to the idea in time.
Post # 54
If I have a c-section with the last one, which is likely as I’ve already had one CS, it’ll be tube tying as well. Otherwise, Darling Husband says he is happy to get the snip. 🙂
Post # 55
Daizy914: when a man has a vasectomy hes in and out. a women takes days to recover and its really painfull. ive seen both procedures done since i worked in the OR. a vasectomy isnt even done in the OR its a walk in procedure. A hysterectomy takes a lot out of a woman and f-s up her hormones. that is when they literally cut you wide open and grab your whole uterus out. if it comes up Darling Husband already knows a vasectomy would be the way to go. tube tieing is a BTL. bilateral tube ligation. they cut each tube but its still harder on a woman then a vasectomy. its a longer recovery process for us since everything is on the inside.
Post # 56
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
I think men get very sensitive when it comes to their man parts. Depending on the culture and how they were raised fertility, virility etc can be very tied up in their self-esteem. It sounds like he was having a knee-jerk reaction rather than expressing a well thought out opinion.
Logically, if you are sure you will not want any more children then a vasectomy is definitely a less invasive and dangerous option than “tube tying”. If he’s really against that though, you could try something, like an IUD, instead of the pill. The paraguard will give you 10 years protection from pregnancy, so depending on your age, you might only need two before menopause.
I’d talk about it again later when he’s had more of a chance to get informed on both procedures.
Post # 57
Darling Husband and I will never be having kids, he is having his vasectomy on Thursday and I could not be more thrilled (DH not so much haha).
Post # 58
Tell him that you won’t have a tubal ligation and that you won’t be on BC your entire life, because both have too many halth risks, so if he isn’t open to a vasectomy, and won’t wear condoms until you’re done with menopause, you’ll have to resort to the oldest method of birth control available; abstinence. It’s not witholding sex as punishment (which I am totally against, personally, but if others want to do it that’s their call), because you’re giving him plenty of options. You’re just putting the ball in his court. The decision between the three options is up to him at that point.
You could also mention Vasalgel, which is a (reversible) male birth control/vasectomy analogue that was developed in India and has been in use there for over a decade. It has not been approved by the FDA/released in the US (there may be some gender politics at play there, as well as big Pharma blocking it), but it is being assessed as a “permanent” vasectomy alternative by the FDA. However, it’s meant to be totally reversibly, and even if it’s only approved by the FDA as a permanent form of birth control (similar to Essure), it can be dissolved with a later injection into the vas deferens.
Post # 59
Daizy914: First of all a hysterectomy is something you would never get done just as a method of birth control. My mom had a hysterectomy and also had one of her fallopian tubes removed. If it weren’t for the other fallopian tube being okay she would have had to take hormone replacements. Tubal ligations are a form of BC mostly reserved for women who have already had children.
I agree with you that I wouldn’t want to be on the BCP (or any form of hormonal BC) for my entire fertile life as I feel that it would definitely mess with your body’s natural rhythm. I knew a few women who had their tubes tied right after their last child was born. I think that makes a lot of sense. I don’t think I’d be able to just go back later and have it done. I think a vasectomy is a bit easier of a procedure to have done for sure.