(Closed) Vegan Hissy Fit! Nut and berry allergies! Heart attack healthy requirements!

posted 8 years ago in Food
Post # 3
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

OMG. Your FI’s cousin’s wife needs a serious wake-up call/reality check/kick in the pants! Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

I would have told her her vegan option was ice water and a toothpick, then mentioned that, actually, a lack of protein leads to premature ejaculation for some men, and that maybe her husband should devour a steak so he can finally pleasure her and put her in a better mood. Then I’d hang up.

Post # 4
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Whoa. Talk about some rage on your FI’s cousin! That woman sounds paranoid, like she thinks you have a personal vendetta against her. That’s just crazy, rude, and worthy of being uninvited!

Post # 5
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I read that, then re-read it in disbelief. I would absolutely die before I ever called up anyone and made demands like that, unless I was a vegetarian and there was nothing but beef being offered up, or something. What ARE you serving, by the way? It doesn’t matter, I guess, because your relatives sound so batty! I’m sorry people are giving you a hard time, hon.

My only issue with my menu is my brother’s allergic to seafood, so my lobster course won’t work for him. But I made a special arrangement with my caterer, and he’s going to bring my bro the same pasta and sauce that’s being served along with the lobster. DONE. And I trust my caterer. Your nut and berry fearing cousins should trust yours! If restaurants can manage to keep foodstuffs separated 99.9% of the time, why couldn’t professional caterers do the same? Their complaints seem unfounded, unless there’s something I’m missing???

Post # 6
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I feel for you Paris2386. I know my way around a food restriction or six. I grew up with tons of allergies. I believe that people will try to do their very best to accommodate people’s needs for dietary restrictions within their abilities (which it seems to me you have), but some people just take it too far.

I had a really bad nut allergy. If I was uber concerned with contamination of my food with nuts, I ate before events or I took my own meal. These are options for anyone who has very strict dietary needs. For people who are sensitive enough to react to nut *dust* (I was) sometimes you have to make sacrifices–you can’t go everywhere, sorry. Weddings can be fabulous events, but you aren’t required to attend as if it were school. Oh, and good way around the allergies is to have these three people served first, before any nut or berry ingredients are prepared for consumption (or in another kitchen depending on your venue).

As for the vegan crew–while I respect their decision to eat what they prefer, if they are going to have such specific dietary needs they need to speak up early enough that it can be planned for. If they don’t, that’s their fault. Save your sermon, take a seat and help yourself to the water.

Post # 8
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

ok – being a hardcore pro-atkins low-carb dieter…(seriously that’s MY lifestyle)…I would have told them “well fine then – don’t come to the wedding”. sorry but that’s just plain RUDE!

My lifestyle is the way I eat on a daily basis to control my blood sugar – and it’s just what I believe in. HOWEVER i try NOT to impose that on other people (especially someone else’s wedding!)

now – when I do go somewhere that has ONLY high-carb foods as an option – depending on how bad it is – I always “do my best” and sometimes just “suck it up”…for example – my hubby and I drove 8 hours to meet with my godfather/minister who’ll be officiating our wedding. for lunch he and his wife served us spaghetti! I knew it wasn’t something I normally ate – but it was rude not too – so I had my first plate of real spaghetti in I can’t tell you how long! lol – but again, I was NOT going to impose my eating habits on someone else who HAD INVITED US to their house.

seriously – i understand offering “options” – but this is YOUR wedding. NOT theirs – and personally i’d tell anyone who vehemently tried to impose their beliefs and called me names – that they’re no longer invited.

and – may i just add – that letter pisses ME off as a person who’s lost 30 pounds and gotten HEALTHEIR by eating high-fat/high-protein for the last 2 years! (but that’s a never ending battle with a lot of people…)

anyways – good luck!

Post # 9
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

Paris2386, BELIEVE me, I sympathize with the frustration and annoyance that comes with family members offering up unsolicited opinions on your choices while you just have to smile about it. I would brush all of it off, and not worry about it. Your menu sounds elegant and delicious.

Post # 10
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow. That’s ridiculous. Fiance is highly allergic to mollusks and we went to a close friends wedding last year where nearly every course of the meal had scallops and oyster sauce in it. Our friends knew about the allergy but didn’t make an attempt to accomodate it, and you know what, big deal. Fiance just ate a lot of what he could eat and it was fine. It’s one meal of your life, people need to use their heads and calm the heck down. While I certainly sympathize about severe allergies and the precautions that need to be taken, if they’re that paranoid about it, they really should eat beforehand or just RSVP no. I

can’t believe someone actually sent you a heart healthy recipe inspiration. That’s just rude. I’m glad your uncle is doing well and is trying hard to make positive changes in his lifestyle, he’s going to encounter situations every day where it’s difficult to make the right eating choices. It’s up to him to make the most appropriate choice for the situation, not for his wife to be a mega control freak at every turn.

The vegan thing. wow. That lady has [email protected]! glamglamglam’s comment really made me laugh though and sounds about right! Again, I’d tell her to RSVP no or to eat beforehand because you can’t guarantee what types of oil the kitchen cooks with. Or better yet, make Fiance deal with her since she’s his relative!

Post # 11
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

OMG I can’t believe your family are causing you so much drama! You poor thing! It sounds as though you had already made provisions for vegetarians and those with allergies already, so it’s really bad form for them to try and make you feel bad about it and actually ring you up and go crazy! I would just do what you are doing, tell them what they actually can eat and if it turns out they can’t make it, sounds like you’ll have a much more peaceful wedding. Families eh?

Post # 12
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

paris2386, your food sounds delicious! If your guests don’t want to eat it, you can always box up a plate and send it to me. Tongue out

Also, I agree with others. Your guests are being rude. If you have special dietary requirements, whether by choice (e.g. eating vegan because it is environmentally friendly) or necessity (e.g. severe allergies), sometimes you need to make arrangements for yourself. If they aren’t happy with what you are serving (even after you’ve made special allowances), they have the choice to not show up to the wedding, not eat, or make arrangements for their own food.

If these guests brought meals from home, which only needed to be heated up, would your caterer be willing to plate these meals on the same china as everyone else’s and serve it to these guests? Sure, they have to do a little more work, but then they get to customize their meals to their specific requirements- something you should not be responsible for.

Post # 13
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My goodness, this is such a contrast to my family! Fiance has one cousin with several allergies so we quietly asked her for a precise list of off limit foods, gave it to the caterer and that was that, the caterer planned a special meal for her. FIs cousin didn’t even want to do that, because she was sure it would be too expensive and said she would just eat beforehand, but we insisted.

I might have to send her over to your family to teach them a lesson on how to deal with allergies politely!

Post # 14
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Oh man, your guests are being so rude. The only thing I’d mention is that food allergies do need to be taken seriously. I had a friend who once told me that going to a picnic where there was anything peanut related was like there was arsenic for him. Our group of friends obliged but didn’t take it as seriously as we should have. Then he went to a restaurant where he was assured there would be no traces of nuts and afte he ate, he went into anaphylactic shock and could have died. We all learned that lesson pretty quickly.

Post # 15
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Unbelievable people! I don’t think I would even have anything to say in the face of such ridiculous demands…

I think from your description you are already putting enough effort into satisfying people’s most pressing needs. You can never make a menu to fit everyone’s every last whim. They would just have to deal 🙂

Post # 16
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ridiculous. I’d honestly tell them that, while you’d love to have them be there to celebrate with you, if the menu is going to be a big concern and ruin their evening, you’ll understand when they can’t make it.

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