Post # 1
ive been lurking for a few days now, scrolling through some old threads regarding vegan and vegetarian weddings. It seems like a lot of people believe it can be done, and it can be done well, but most people feel like it’s off putting and many people might skip out, and meat eaters should ALWAYS have a meat option.
My Fiance and I are both ethical vegans. Not only do we not eat or use animal products, but to the best of our ability, we also refuse to spend our money on these products and support those industries in anyway. I absolutely do not want to compromise my morals, and if we did serve these products at our wedding, it would be on both our minds during the reception.
So, veggie brides, how did you handle it? On a lot of the old threads I saw, a lot of people were saying they should have meat options for everyone no matter what. We need to feed our guests. I’m really torn between my morals and my guests. For those who feel that there should always be meat options no matter what, how do you suggest I compromise my morals ethically? I’m just really stuck on the middle here. Any advice would help!
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
In my opinion, if it will bother you during your wedding day, hold tight to your morals. It’s ONE meal for a guest, but it’s (theoretically) the only wedding reception you will ever have.
If someone can’t keep away from meat for 5 hours, for one of the three meals they will have that day, they need to chill.
Not to mention, it will be a great opportunity for your guests to try new food dishes! Rock on, girl.
Post # 3
You are having this party with all your closest friends and family to celebrate your relationship. That should never involve sacrificing your morals!
Would you cook meat if these friends came to your home for dinner or would you just serve what you normally cook?
I eat meat and if I had a friend who had this dilemma I would 100% tell them to avoid meat.
Post # 4
misstomorris : I also feel like there’s so many vegan things people eat everyday that aren’t labeled as such. People eat vegan all the time and don’t realize! I figure as long as it’s not tofu, tempeh, or seitan it will be okay. I mean my Fiance and I both hate those things and we’re vegan lol. And if we did it, we weren’t going to label everything “vegan” or do anything weird.
Post # 5
I don’t think you should compromise your morals. Meat eaters eat “vegan” food all the time without thinking about it, while the reverse is not true. I’d just try to serve “normal” food – i.e. not imitation meat products – and not even make a big deal out of it. There’s so much tasty vegan food out there!
I dunno, I just don’t see it as a big deal. I don’t like dried out chicken or fish, but that’s what’s served at many weddings. Do I throw a fit and storm out because the meal isn’t my personal preference? No…it’s one effing meal.
Post # 6
tiffanybruiser : ah my response above you is literally what you just said! Thanks 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
I saw some of the veg threads and was shocked at how diva-tastic people can be. This isn’t an absurd, uncomfortable request like, “I’m going to have my meal with no chairs in the hot sun and the only beverages are $6 cash bar sodas.” It’s a reasonable ethical request. If you were Orthodox Jewish, you wouldn’t worry about guests demanding a bacon cheeseburger. If you have a peanut allergy, guests can’t pitch a snit that your wedding cake isn’t Reese’s flavored. If people really think they’re going to faint dead away from not eating meat for ONE MEAL IN THEIR WHOLE LIFE, they can go pound sound.
Fiance and I are pescatarian, and we got around it by just not picking meat options with our caterer. No one has said anything to us yet. If they do, I’ll just smile verrrry sweetly, take their hand in mine, lean uncomfortably close to their face, and whisper “Well bless your heart, dearie.” Haters gonna hate.
Post # 8
I was a vegetarian when I had my first wedding, but we still offered meat options for our guests. However, I don’t think you should go against your ethical beliefs if it means that much to you. Your guests will be fine eating vegan for one meal (and like you mentioned, they likely eat vegetarian/vegan all the time without even realizing it).
Post # 9
I would absolutely NOT do anything that goes against your morals. It is your day to celebrate with your friends and family. Those who love and respect you will be understanding and it is only one meal. I would recommend having a lot of options and keeping things simple.
Post # 10
manylovesbee1 : HA! I’d love to see how that goes!
Post # 11
wineosaur : we mentioned it to my Future Father-In-Law who is this total “meat and potatoes” guy, any seasoning more than salt and paper is “exotic”, and any meal without meat is a “salad”. He doesn’t understand veganism and was giving us his whole “I’d never eat vegan food, on purpose or accidentally” thing. He said this as he was eating pasta with tomato sauce, no butter or cheese. My Fiance was like “okay dad, sure”
Post # 12
Don’t compromise in your morals. If you were my family or friend I’d hate for you to do that. I have, and I’m sure many here have participated in religious customs at weddings that I don’t practice or agree with, but I happily do it to support my loved ones ❤️ no different to respecting your beliefs and practises regarding food in my opinion.
Post # 13
fran01 : the support from you guys has been really helpful and awesome! I was really expecting a little pushback based on other posts.
Post # 14
For the practical side of things, I don’t think you should “announce” that this is a vegan or vegetarian wedding, not because you’re trying to hide that detail, but just because it really shouldn’t matter. If you were planning to do a plated meal and give guests a choice between 3, send them a menu card like any other wedding does:
[ ] wild mushroom risotto
[ ] polenta and spinach tower
[ ] chick pea stew
Or whatever your choices and descriptions are. Sending a specific notification like “this will be a vegan reception” sets the tone that the menu needs a warning, but just informing the guests of their choices will help set the expectation that this isn’t weird or scary.
As for finding a caterer, start with venue recommendations and go from there. Your venue may already know who the best veggie caterer in town is. If you can’t get a referral from the venue, ask other vegetarians. You can use nextdoor.com to get local recommendations or just pop in to your fave restaurant and ask the chef or manager.
When it comes to choosing the menu, it should the the same advice as for every other wedding: look for food that isn’t too messy to eat; rely on what’s in season, for better flavor and value; and try not to choose a ton of unfamiliar ingredients that may be off-putting to your guests.
Post # 15
My all vegetarian wedding is next month. Both me and my fiance haven’t eaten meat in years and eat 99% vegan. For me, it was a no-brainer. I have made a choice based on my personal morals to not support the meat industry. I am not going to spend thousands of dollars on meat just because people can’t handle eating meat for one meal of their lives. It would really bother me to have to think about or look at meat at my wedding.
We have received a little pushback – mostly from older people who don’t understand that a meal can be complete without meat. We only have two ‘real’ vegetarians coming to the wedding besides us, and a lot of the people on one side come from a very ‘meat and potatoes’ background. Most of our friends were expecting to the meal to be vegetarian anyway – even though they eat meat they thought it would be weird if we had food at our wedding that we couldn’t eat.
I really wanted the wedding to be vegan but there are no vegan caterers in our area. I hosted an engagement party at our home and served all vegan meals. I did vegan mac and cheese for one as the main and no one even knew the cheese was made of cashews.
A few things we did to dodge conflict: we are doing a buffet so people can pick and choose what they want (we are doing tofu because I love tofu – if people don’t want it they don’t have to take it), we are having lots of salads and a potato dish (these are vegetarian dishes that people are used to eating without meat), and we are doing a mac and cheese for the picky people as well as having lots of bread available (and I honestly think that I would have made the mac and cheese vegan if we were working with a caterer that was experienced with vegan substitutions). I think having a buffet with LOTS of options (we are getting a ridiculous amount of different dishes) and a pasta dish are key to making sure everyone has something they will enjoy.
Also, we are not telling people in advance that there will be no meat. We are not lying if people ask (thus the people who know about it), but there’s no need to make a big deal of it. Meat eaters are perfectly capable of eating vegetarian meals – making a big deal out of it is more likely to cause drama. Pick good food options that look delicious and people will be happy.