Post # 16
- Wedding: February 2019 - City, State
I definitely wouldn’t compromise your morals. I’m a meat eater, but would definitely be understanding of someone in your situation. I would definitely make sure to have available a vegan meal with those who have soy/gluten allergies. I would also leave out that it is a vegan wedding, as described above and just put the meal choices in the invite. People can handle one meal without meat/dairy to celebrate with you!
Post # 17
I am so happy to see this thread! I am not even engaged yet, but this has been on my mind about how I would navigate this in the future. I am a long-term vegan, but my SO is not but is very health conscious and appreciates vegan food. He eats vegan 90-95% of the time and we keep a 100% vegan home, but both of our families are decidedly NOT vegan friendly. My family will eat vegan occasionally and mostly not complain (saving some of my uncles/extended family), but his family has a very traditional New England view towards food that involves meat, seafood and butter as much as possible.
Obviously, my situation would be different to yours, as my SO is not also vegan, but I would LOVE to hear how your reception goes! It seems like having “normal” vegan food (not polarazing seitan/tofu products or imitation food) would make for AMAZING (and frankly more filling!) options. Also, surely all of your guests know you and your fiance well enough to know your beliefs, so surely they would anticipate eating healthy, beautiful vegan food at your wedding!
Best of luck, bee!! Please let us know how it goes! <3
Post # 18
I think you’ve gotten a lot of great advice already. I’m not vegan, but something that’s become clear to me in planning my own wedding is that weddings are something people have strong opinions about and no matter how considerate you try to be there’s always going to be someone who is unhappy or thinks you’re doing it wrong. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be considerate of your guests, but for me acknowledging this helped me to relax a little bit. That said (and I realize this could sound contradictory) I think there are ways of doing it that make it more palatable for guests who are not vegan or vegetarian.
It seems like you’re a considerate person and already thinking about your crowd, based on what you’ve already written. To me it’s a lot of common sense things like thinking about how to please the palate of your crowd while respecting your morals. Also not being santimonious about it — for me this is a biggie. I eat meat, but I’m also very open to vegan and vegetarian food. I have a lot of vegetarian friends who are cool and I enjoy dining with, but every once and awhile I’ll end up dining with a vegan who is over the top judgy or assumptive. And that, not eating vegan food, is what ruins the experience. i.e. assuming that because I eat meat I’ll enjoy the faux chicken dish the most because it will feel familiar, using the eating experience as an opportunity to judge my choices, or trick me (i.e. that infamous vegan couple who sued because they were trying to surprise their guests with the fact their food was vegan). That last one especially just rubs me the wrong way because I don’t get the point of trying to trick your guests (especially because it’s pretty insulting to one’s intelligence – I love vegan food and meat substitutes but with a few exceptions it’s usually pretty obvious that there are no animal products in what I’m eating. It doesn’t mean the food isn’t delicious, it’s just noticably different). I say this because in some circumstances when people are recieving backlash it does make me wonder if there are other things going on.
I also think you can amp up things in other areas to make them extra crowd pleasing (i.e. venue, drinks, music, etc.)
I’m also a fan of stations or buffet like a PP poster suggested. I think that helps eliminate guest concerns they will still be hungry and the risk they might not like something, because they can build their plates with a few different things. We’re taking a similar approach at our wedding because, while not vegan, we’re doing Puerto Rican food that we know will be unfamiliar to a lot of our guests and they may feel nervous ordering something unfamiliar from a list of choices but may be more likley to enjoy it if they have a chance to try it. It also is great if there is something you and your fiance love to eat that you want included that you think your guests may not love as much.
Post # 19
I wouldn’t come.
A meal of nothing but vegetables, fruit and grain would leave me in agony as I have intestinal issues. I cannot digest them – it makes eating anywhere but home a huge pita.
Post # 20
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
bywater : Wait, so … is, like, your entire diet meat and dairy? All the time?
I’ve never heard of that before.
Post # 21
manylovesbee1 : It sucks hardcore. I loved veggies of all sorts and could have lived on fruit. But, the spasms and bloating is not worth it.
I’m thankful that I can have dairy still, but on days when my intestines are pissed off, I can’t even have milk or cheese.
Post # 22
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
bywater : That does suck. I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. I imagine you probably have to bring a lot of your own food to events?
Post # 23
I had a mostly vegan wedding – would have loved to do 100% but my husband is an omnivore so our situation was a little different.
I recommend doing a buffet so that there are lots of options and people can choose what they want, and sticking to the “accidentally vegan” stuff.
Since we did buffet style we didn’t put options on response cards – we just had a line for dietary restrictions so we knew that we had to accommodate some nut allergies, gluten intolerances, etc. and could plan accordingly.
Post # 24
manylovesbee1 : I do. And, I can’t tell you the last time I had a meal that I didn’t prepare.
Post # 25
I eat animals. I have no qualms killing most animals. I would never tell you that you had to provide me meat, because I would never tell you that you had to kill something that you had qualms killing (absent extreme situations that involve the defense of your own child). So, any guests insisting that you kill things for them can stfu.
People who know you well enough to be coming to your wedding should know that you are a vegan and therefore expect vegan food. I wouldn’t announce it ahead of time, because that indicates that there is something “other” about the food. You don’t announce what isn’t going to be there. I won’t be announcing that my wedding is “chicken free” because we are having meatballs. Either list the choices like usual or serve the buffet. Most people are not carnivores, so they can eat vegan food. If they find it not to be filling then they can eat after they leave- which is true of every event on the planet.
Post # 26
Its your wedding! Do what you and your partner want!
Post # 27
I looooove cheese and meat and fish but I’d very happily go to a vegan wedding and eat all the veg and legumes and grains etc. My fiance loves meat even more and refuses to go to vegan restaurants but even he wouldn’t grumble if it was a wedding invitation.
Post # 28
My Darling Husband and I are both ethical vegans but he wasn’t vegan when we got married so we had meat options (but had 2 Vegan options and cake was vegan). If we got married tomorrow we’d do a vegan wedding. Stick to your guns. People can cope for one meal. If you can give them a few vegan options that would be ideal.
Post # 29
I’m an unrepentant meat eater, but if there’s no meat at my friends’ wedding, I would happily stuff my face with delicious vegetables and not remotely care about lack of meat. Don’t compromise, just have veggie dishes. Stuff like mushrooms, lentils, and chickpeas can make for very filling meals. But also don’t mention that it’s a vegan wedding.
Also, if you can swing it, consider having this: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laetiporus – chicken of the woods.
It is a mushroom that tastes like and has the texture and mouthfeel of chicken breast. I found some at a farmer’s market and prepared it for my vegetarian friend and ended up psyching her out because even though she watched me prepare it, her senses registered it as real chicken. And this friend would eat a lot of meat substitute stuff, too.
If you need to fool some particularly whiny guests, have a “chicken of the woods” dish and they can check it thinking it’s chicken and then eat it and still think they’re eating chicken.
Post # 30
If it’s important to you, go for it. I’m a meat eater but enjoy vegan and vegetarian food, so long as it does not include soy-based meat substitutes (allergic). My biggest suggestion is first to make sure you include a spot for allergies/intolerances on RSVP cards. Soy allergies are on the rise.
I would probably focus the menu on food that are already vegan and I would probably do a buffet or stations reception over a plated meal so that people are able to choose what they want. My mind automatically goes to Italian: Pasta in marinara, pasta with pesto, vegetable lasagna, polenta (hits gluten free as well), salad with vinagrette, roasted vegetables, crusty bread with dipping oils, zeppoli dusted with powdered sugar, various crudite. Much though I normally drown my italian food in cheese, I probably wouldn’t notice its absence. A lot of Indian food and Hispanic cuisine is naturally vegan as well.
…and now I’m fantasizing about a wedding reception with Italian, Mexican, and Indian stations. I would be in heaven.