Vegans – Is Your Spouse/FI Vegan Too?

posted 6 days ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
318 posts
Helper bee

I’m a vegetarian, and my FI is not. He is respectful because he chooses to not eat really messy meat with me (like ribs), and will always drink something before we kiss. Of course it would be great it he was also a vegetarian, but that’s his choice. I’m the one who cooks at home, and he eats whatever I cook. I told him I don’t cook meat, and he’s fine with that.

Post # 3
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I am a pescatarian and do not eat dairy for health reasons. Luckily I’ve made my SO watch enough Netflix documentaries that he has jumped on the band wagon.  In our house I do all the cooking and he cleans, so I use to make two meals everynight one with meat and one without and he just started liking the vegan/pescatarian meals better. Now he pretty much only eats meat or dairy on the rare occasion if were out to dinner. I just got lucky that he was open minded and I’ve come up with enough yummy vegan meals that he doesn’t mind. We also live in SoCal so there are vegan restaurants on every corner which makes it easier. 

Post # 4
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m vegetarian and my fiancé is vegan. He does all the cooking at home. Occasionally I add butter or cheese to something after it has been served to me. Often I just eat vegan, like tonight….. but then I had a magnum ice cream bar lol.

Post # 5
Member
35 posts
Newbee

Yes, my SO is vegan. It took about a year for him to make the change though, and I attriute that to our different personality types. I am all or nothing – I needed to completely mak the change to veganism or I knew I would give up halfway through transitioning. He needed to go slowly and cut things out bit by bit.

In all honestly, at he very beginning he was against going vegan and that hurt my feelings. Once you know the goings on and the production of these products, it’s very difficult to look at someone you love so much still contributing to the pain and suffering of these beings. I struggled a lot, but knowing him – I did know that he would change his thinking. 

I know of a few couples where one is vegan and one is not, howveer eats vegan a lot of the time due to ease. I don’t know if I could do it, but it’s not my life. If you are having trouble with it though Bee, you need to talk to him earnestly about your struggles with it. Don’t try and convince him, just let him know why it bothers you. Being vegan is all consuming. It doesn;t just affect the way you eat, but what you wear, what you clean with, the makeup and skincare products you use, the furniture you buy etc etc. If you disagree it may cause arguments through the years. 

Post # 6
Member
3411 posts
Sugar bee

I just became a vegetarian (pescatarian) a few months ago, with the goal of eventually becoming a vegan, and DH is still a meat eater. While I don’t cook meat in the house, it doesn’t bother me at all if he eats it while we’re out or orders takeout or something with meat in it. This is a decision I made for myself, for ethical reasons. It has nothing to do with him. He says he would like to eventually become a vegetarian, but I am not pushing him and I truly don’t care if he never does. 

The way I look at it is we all have ways of making the world a better place, and we all have different ideas about how to do that. Animal rights are important to me, but there are so many other causes that are also important that I am not involved in at all. Live and let live!

Post # 7
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

When my SO and I first started dating, he was not a vegetarian, and I was. He “converted” after one or two years. I am trying to get as close to vegan as I can manage, but he will probably remain a regular vegetarian which is fine. As long as he doesn’t consume dead animals, I’m good. 

Post # 8
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Neither of us are vegan, but we both became vegetarians together 6 years ago.

Veg*an and omni relationships can work, but you need to be on the same page with certain things. Like agreeing on whether to have meat/dairy/eggs/honey in the home for the omni to cook and eat.

The big thing to think about (if you plan to have them) is children. FI and I are both on the same page that our children won’t be allowed to eat meat. When they’re older and can choose for themselves, they’re welcome to eat meat at friend’s houses, or to eat it outside the home.

I know that when we do have kids we’ll get a barage of grumpiness from (his) family about how I should be eating meat in pregancy, how we should feed the kids meat etc. Much, much easier to deal with when we’re both veg, and both agree. I wouldn’t fancy facing that with a meat eating partner who also might think meat is the magical answer to any pregnancy woe.

Post # 9
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Not vegan, but I’ve been a vegetarian for 15 years and my SO is not, but we make it work. Thankfully he’s not a picky eater, and if I make a vegetarian meal he’ll eat it, but I will prepare meat for him as well and either alter the recipe to make a version for myself, or substitute something else. I don’t mind for instance, making a pot roast for him and then putting veggies in a separate crock pot for myself.

 

I find it amusing that he’s by far my biggest advocate, ensuring that his family knew ahead of time that I was vegetarian, and 2 years later still ensuring that his family remembers. He’s also called up restaurants to complain that my veggie burrito had chicken on it, and then gone back out to get the replacement. So even though he’ll never go veggie with me, he is supportive, and never teases or pressures me about anything, which I think is more important.

Post # 10
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m vegetarian, not vegan, so obviously a little different. My fiance probably will never become a full-blown veggie, and that’s totally fine with me! To be honest, I could care less what other people do or do not eat, but I’m probably in the minority there. He does, however, eat MUCH less meat than he used to and has become pretty open to trying foods and eating meals without meat. I make a vegetarian meal for dinner pretty much every night. Ocassionally he’ll run to the store to get meat and cook it up to eat with what I’m making, but 95% of the time he eats vegetarian when he’s home with me.

Post # 11
Member
790 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been vegan for many years. My FI is not, though he has cut back on his meat eating since we met and we eat vegan at home since I do 95% of the cooking – he’ll buy yogurt or something occasionally but other than that our groceries are all vegan. When we go out to eat, though, he’ll often order meat. I would love if he wanted to go veg or vegan and he is behind it ethically and respects my choice, but ultimately it’s up to him and I don’t love him any less because he eats meat. He’s also got a lot of food allergies that make it hard for him to cut meat out completely (allergic to soy and nuts for example, so his veg protein options are limited). Between the two of us, we’re nightmare dinner party guests as is. 😉 

Post # 12
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’ve been with my FI for about 5 years longer than I have been vegan so he has seen me both ways. He knows now that after 2+ years this is how I will be forever. We have had MANY horrible horrible fights and it has weighed heavily on my mind at different periods. I told him I would not marry a non-vegan but here I am anyway! I love him and often times I don’t think about it but sometimes it bothers me so much because he is such a sweet person who adores animals and I wish he would make the connection.

We are buying a house in the next few months and he has agreed that it will be a vegan household and that any future children of ours will be vegan. I can definitely live with him being plant-based at home and omni at restaurants or at friends houses. Maybe this could be a compromise you could discuss with your FI. I find being compassionate and explaining yourself with lots of info to back it up can really help. 

If nothing works, ways to cope would be trying your best to make delicious vegan meals and go to vegan restaurants. Show him how good it can be! Best of luck to you.

Post # 13
Member
6152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

bridetobe2018 :  I’ll preface this by saying I eat meat. I think it’s great you’ve found a way of eating that you like, but I think as for how to cope with it….you just respect his opinon. He’s a grown man and can choose to eat how he likes. I’m a firm believer that a person shows you who they are, and you can’t go into a relationship with someone expecting they will change or see things your way. You need to just respect the fact he likes/eats meat continue on eating the way you want to eat. If it’s a huge deal and something you can’t see yourself coping with, you might want to consider ending the relationship.

The whole vegan/veg vs meat eater debate is no different than any other. It’s either something you can deal with or not. Smoking is a deal-breaker fo for me, and I’d never be with someone who smoked (or took it up after the fact). My DH grew up around a lot of alcoholics and has chosen not to drink, and also does not want to be with someone who does drink. For me I can take it or leave it, and for that reason decided abstaining and being with him was worth it. It’s all about personal comfort level.

I have friends in similar relationships, and compromise is the #1 thing that works for them. The agrugment I see a lot of vegans make is that everything in the home must be vegan, and honestly that’s not fair because it’s your home jointly. Your partner should be able to eat the things they want their own home just like you should.

Post # 14
Member
732 posts
Busy bee

i am vegan. my husband eats meat. i prepare our meals at home and will bake chicken or fish for him. we don’t keep beef/pork/lamb in the house, at my request. i would prefer he not eat meat, but i don’t fuss at him about it. he definitely eats a lot less meat now then he did before he met me, so thats something. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016 - Presidio Log Cabin

My husband has been vegan for about 6 months, and I am not. He is the cook in the family so we eat 100% vegan at home and try to go to vegan restaurants when we go out to dinner together.

When I’m not with him (out with girlriends, at work, etc) I often eat dairy and sometimes meat. I think for the most part this works for us. It is important to both of us that we not pressure the other person to change, but be open to both points of view. Over the past few months I’ve found myself gravitating more and more to plant-based meals and feel great eating that way. I’m not sure if I would ever become fully vegan, but I want to make sure I support him and his feelings by keeping our home fully vegan. Maybe that’s a compromise that you and your SO could try?

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