Vegans – Is Your Spouse/FI Vegan Too?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

tiffanybruiser :  Apparently cheese is more addictive than lots of drugs! I’d believe it! I’m a vegan but I “slip up” occasionally and it’s always because I’m tempted by cheese! It does get better/easier the longer you go without it, but man….it’s a hard addiction to beat!

Post # 47
Member
3406 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

deardot21 :  Ugh, I agree. Cheese is the worst. There have been a few times when I’ve eaten take out or had food delivered, and there was cheese in my food. I do my best to take it off, but sometimes it’s just not possible (ie shredded cheese on a salad). So then after accidentally consuming the tiniest amount, I begin craving it like crazy and sometimes cannot help myself. That stuff is addictive! 

That said, when I’m craving it now I’ll make myself nachos with homemade cashew cheese, or the new Annie’s boxed vegan mac n cheese. At this point that does the trick to cut the cravings, but when I first went vegan I doubt that would have worked. 

Post # 48
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

lovelyruby :  cheese has been the most difficult for Darling Husband and I too. Its crazy how addicting it is. But we finished what we had and just haven’t eaten it so far.  😭

Post # 49
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

To all the vegan/vegetarian bees, what are social outings like for you all? If you’re going somewhere where the hosts dont know you’re vegan what do you do/eat? If you’re entertaining what do you make? I think this has been one of my biggest concerns already because there’s nobody that Darling Husband and I  hang out with that are vegan. We’ve thought if we go somewhere and there’s literally no options for us should we just eat it? But I have intolerance to beef and pork already and that’s been difficult enough after not eating it for years.  I don’t want to be starving at every social event so I’m wondering what you all did/do in this situations. I went to a wedding where beef was the only option and I absolutely did not eat it because I can’t.  I was hungry the entire night. It was literally not a good experience at all and I fear this so much in the future. 

Post # 50
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

I am vegan and my partner is not. I became vegan 4 months into our relationship. At first he was rather dubious due to preconcieved ideas and a lack of knowledge on the subject. Now, he is my biggest supporter and barely eats any animal products himself. He is always happy to eat vegan food, plus he’s lactose intolerant & allergic to seafood anyway. Occasionally at a restaurant he’ll order a dish with meat in.

He has gone for months at a time without eating any animal products, but he doesn’t want to not have the option if he so desires. He also finds it easier at his family functions to not eat vegan. At my family functions, he almost always eats vegan as many members of my family are reducitarian, vegetarian, and my cousin is vegan, so there’s plenty of choice.

We have agreed on having a vegan household and raising our future kid/s vegan. Once our kid/s are old enough to decide for themselves, they are free to do as they wish outside our home, but the vegan household will still stand.

I will not deny that I find it difficult on the occasions that he does choose to eat meat, but I do not criticize him for it because I respect him and know that he is doing his best (and a lot better than most people). 

Post # 51
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

DoubleD : 

Social outings are usually fine, unless its with my sister who refuses to go anywhere that doesn’t serve almost exclusively meat. If I’m with anyone else, it’s pretty easy to find somewhere. Most chain restaurants in the UK have vegan options or a vegan menu now. Most of my friends and family are happy to try vegan places or do activities that don’t revolve around food.

Whenever I’m at my parents’ they make a roast every sunday, and my mum makes all of the sides vegan, so I just have something like a nut roast or seitan instead of the meat.

On the rare occasion I am going somewhere that doesn’t provide any decent options, I’ll pack something to bring with me. Carrying a snack or two in your bag is always a good idea just in case you’re out and about and can’t find anything quickly, but need to eat because you’re too hungry.

When cooking for non-vegans, I make things such as Pizza (with homemade dough), Lasagna, Shepherd’s Pie, Curries, Chilli, Ramen, Fajitas, Dim Sum, Cake, Cookies, etc. Basically anything that most people enjoy but in a vegan version. If I don’t know that the people I’m cooking for like meat substitutes then I usually don’t use them. My family (except my sister, who has serious gastrointestinal issues because of her meat-heavy diet. Even her doctor told her to stop!) love veggie burgers, meat-free mince etc. though.

Post # 52
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

ilikebees :  I think if my family was more open to being vegan they could do this but Darling Husband and I are still learning how to prepare it ourself so I don’t have expectations of them to do it. If they want to in the future that would be nice. I do have 1 friend that used to be vegetarian and he ate tofu and some other vegan foods and he said he’d be willing to make tofu if he is inviting us to any of his social gatherings. I thought was really nice of him. 

Post # 53
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

bridetobe2018 :  My husband was actually a vegetarian for many years before I even went vegan (I went vegan shortly before we started dating). After we dated for several months he went vegan after learning about the dairy and egg industries. On very rare occasions (a handful of times a year) he will knowingly have cheese in certain situations, whereas I am more strict with my diet and never would. 

I have two vegan friends who are married to non-vegans and they make it work. They actually prepare separate meals with meat for their husbands a lot of the time and even though they would prefer not to, they are okay with doing it because their husbands are actually very supportive of them being vegan. Personally I don’t know how they do it, I could never cook meat and would be upset with having to do that for my SO. But that’s me – for them it doesn’t cause conflict and they are both in happy relationships. I do know that both husbands will go through periods of time where they will eat vegan (and have no issue with going to vegan restaurants, we have a lot in our area) but ultimately they always go back to eating meat.

Post # 54
Member
19 posts
Newbee

A bit different because me and my partner don’t live together yet but I’m a vegetarian working towards becoming vegan and he isn’t either of those. Usually though he only comes over at night so I cook a vegetarian dinner that we both share. I don’t see him a whole lot during the day due to work and study so he usually fixes himself breakfast and lunch and that’s where he gets his meat fix from. 

Post # 55
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

DoubleD :  My friends, coworkers and family are all super courteous and ensure the restraunts we visit or order food from have vegan options. If I am going to someone’s home I usually bring my own dish, although last weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada and our family friends were SO thoughtful and prepared a number of vegan dishes for myself and someone else who has food allergies. When I have guests over we always have a meat option and a vegan option. I won’t cook meat unleas it’s frozen and all I have to do is stick it in the oven, and my fiance totally understands that. His dad is a pick eater and even HE loved my vegan bolognese, so people who aren’t vegan can certainly enjoy the foods we love! 🙂

Post # 56
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

3 years in and my SO is now a mostly vegan vegetarian! I got lucky with this one since we’ve had a vegan household since we moved in together, even if he thought I was “crazy.” And now he’s a proud vegetarian and gets excited over new vegan restaurants. 

But it wasn’t always like this! We would debate about it a lot. Including The Pizza Incident of 2015 where he cut a cheese pizza on my wooden cutting board and I flipped out. But we found peace at wherever he was in his eating habits. I am stoked that we are pretty much done having to debate this with each other and can now share a tofurky and double team his annoying cousin at holiday dinners. 

Post # 57
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

DoubleD :  I always bring something to share with everyone that is hardy enough to fill me up on its own. Like a grain salad or casserole of some kind. 

My best friend’s wedding was very not vegan friendly (her caterer forgot my meal and everything else I could eat was basically salads) so I made sure not to drink too much, carried Cliff bars in my purse and stopped by Taco Bell for a bean burrito on the way home. 

I make zero exceptions with eating animal products so I will pre-eat and come prepared or go hungry. When hosting I just make vegan food for everyone and anyone who comes to our house expects this and never leaves hungry!

Post # 58
Member
6402 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I would have difficulty going vegan (avoiding things like honey always seemed silly to me), but I was veg for about 20 years, including during my pregnancies. Darling Husband married me knowing I was veg, while he was a devoted carnivore. During that time, I generally had to eat before we went to family gatherings, as his family assumed veg meant no red meat, so they thought chicken or fish was fine. Dh was fine with cooking his own meat, although during the time I was pregnant, I couldn’t even bear the smell of meat cooking, so he had to be very careful!

Because of a medical issue, I went back to being an omnivore (long, long story, but it involved dangerous levels of anemia and iron supplements weren’t working). The issue is now resolved, but I haven’t gone back. I was always veg for health reasons, and now that we obtain meat from local farms where we know how it was raised and how it was slaughtered, I feel much better about things. Meat is a LOT more expensive this way, but it is the only way I feel it is acceptable. 

Post # 59
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

DoubleD :  This really depends on your own social network and where you live. There are many cities in my country much less vegan-friendly than the city I live in, which is hugely vegan-friendly, and I will admit when I’m in those places it’s hard. But in my own city it’s easy – everywhere I go has vegan options, and a good percentage of my friends are vegetarian or vegan, and all are nice about it even if they do eat meat. In my social group nobody would complain if they came over and we fed them a (filling, tasty) vegan meal, and likewise, nobody would ever think about not providing a vegan option if they were hosting us. When I was growing up in one of those less vegan-friendly cities though, I was a vegetarian, and at that time even being “just” a vegetarian was weird. I would take veggie burgers or sausages to BBQs and the hosts would cook them for me (although lots of my friends were nice and would buy them so I didn’t have to bring anything.) Almost everywhere you go should usually have sides that are ok to eat. This is all SO much easier if you’re a vegetarian than a vegan, so if you’re starting out, I’d begin by just cutting out meat. It’s so much harder to go straight from eating everything to being a vegan, but the transition to vegetarianism isn’t so bad. French fries, mashed potatoes, veggies, grilled cheese, chocolate, mac and cheese, pumpkin pie….all of it’s vegetarian friendly. Even if you go somewhere and nobody’s thought to prepare anything for you, chances are pretty good someone can whip up a grilled cheese for you, or if you’re not comfortable with that, you can eat bread rolls, potatoes, salad, dessert, etc. The main thing is to not let anyone else’s negativity get to you and to let it all roll off you like water off a duck’s back. Not much to eat at this BBQ? No worries, I’ll eat what sides I can and fill up later at home. Someone says something snarky? No worries, I know why I’m doing it and they can think what they like. Etc. It’s easier than you think once you get used to it. When you start out and don’t know what places have what on their menus and what grocery shops have what and none of your friends know and you have to get them used to the idea, it’s hard, but it only gets a lot easier from there until it’s second nature.

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