TO – bellapiece: You said,
I’ve been so confused on this… has etiquette not caught up to modern sensibilities ?
YES it has… this is why you now see Weddings where there are Vegetarian Options for Guests, vs the days when there would be NO CHOICES, just the one meal served to everyone.
I’m so worried that we’re going to come off as insensitive hosts… but we’ve been vegetarians for almost a decade! Unlike most of our loved ones’ weddings where we couldn’t eat due to meat and / or animal stock, they will still be able to eat at our reception. But our Parents are really adamant that this is completely unallowed as far as Wedding Etiquette goes.
Could certainly happen, afterall TWO WRONGS don’t make a right. I am sorry that your relatives we’re sensitive to YOUR NEEDS… as THEIR GUESTS. I am sure you didn’t enjoy being left out by them. Really quite RUDE in this day and age.
This is what I’m afraid of! I mean we’re having a small wedding so our non-veggie friends and family have known us as vegetarians since we were kiddos. But my biggest fear is that by serving no meat they might think we’re judging them and I would hate that. I think they have the right to eat whatever they want but it is our money buying the product on our wedding night… do you think we’re going to come off as judgemental etiquette wise?
This is where your idea goes off the rails. You clearly are imposing YOUR views on your Guests (the whole “our money” argument here, looks more political than anything else). Being a GOOD HOST means one is sensitive to the needs of one’s guests, period. By only offering Vegetarian Dishes for those that you clearly know are meat eaters, and prefer things that way… is inconsiderate. May be an old fashioned idea in your current social circle, but it is what it is.
On the otherhand (my Etiquette Snob hat off now)… I totally see your POV… and agree that it seems wierd to be a hypocrite with what it is you life values, and how you live your life-day-to-day… just to put it all aside for one day, your Wedding Day.
And the truth is NO ONE is going to starve if there is a good variety of foods to choose from at your Wedding Reception (unlike the situation where your relatives didn’t offer ANY alternatives at all).
And of course, you could probably fool a lot of Guests into not noticing the absense of meat if you were to offer a decent Pasta Dish as your main course (ie Vegetarian Lasagna rocks IMO).
Although no meal offering is really ideal, when you host a large event, there will always be “the few” who aren’t satisfied (I certainly know some real meat & potato folks who won’t eat pasta at all)… but it could probably be a “get by” solution for the majority of folks.
IF however the Etiquette issue is still “looming”… if your vision is to do “Stations”… the other alternative is to have a few dishes that can be prepared with or without meats added in… such as a Stir-Fry or Pasta etc
Hope this helps,