(Closed) Vegetarian Faux Pas? Please Help!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is having an all vegetarian reception an etiquette faux pas?

    Yes- Your reception is for your guests-respect their tastes

    Yes- Only if you don't provide one meat option for your guests who dont share your beliefs

    No- It is only one meal;also it is free they shouldn't complain

    No-If you are morally against animal consumption then don't pay for it on your wedding day

  • Post # 107
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    There’s no good option here.  If you do decide to go vegetarian for the whole reception, you need to make people not miss meat.  That means heavy pastas, preferably some type of lasagna or stuffed shells situation, with meat-free sauces, LOTS of veggies, a huge salad with tons of stuff in it, etc.  This is not the time to go with meat substitutes- people are going to be annoyed if they expect a steak or piece of chicken and bite into a huge mushroom, or worse, some weird veggie patty.  People are going to grumble- that’s just what you’re going to have to accept if you go meat-free.  Period. 

    Post # 108
    Member
    3682 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    There is a huge difference between not providing a vegetarian option on not providing meat.  Not having a veggie option when people don’t eat meat means there is nothing available for that guest to eat.  On the other hand, nobody has a moral objection to eating vegetables and eats nothing but meat.  

    As an omnivore, I’m happy to find veggie dishes that are tasty.  As long as you’re not serving only bland steamed vegetables, I think it’ll be fine.

    Post # 109
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Serve extra alcohol so that they quit complaining :). Totally your call. It’s your wedding! And unless they are morally against eating vegetables, I don’t think it’s the same scenario as someone who is a vegetarian/vegan only being offered meat based meals.

    Post # 110
    Member
    640 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My Fiance and I are veggies too and are against it for similar reasons to you. We are paying for about a third of the wedding and my parents are paying for the rest. I knew they would freak out on us if we wanted a whole veggie meal and because they were paying for more of the wedding, it would have been hard to argue without going the bridezilla route. Also, I am trying to pick my battles. Although, I think that my guests would understand if we did they may feel uncomfortable with a all veggie meal because they are not used to it and for some they may feel like we are forcing our beliefs on them.

    But if you are paying for it all yourselves and don’t want to contribute to the mistreatment of animals. Don’t do it.

    Post # 111
    Member
    2334 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Make the vegetarian food so delicious and hearty that carnivores won’t even miss the meat!

    Post # 112
    Member
    195 posts
    Blushing bee

    I can see both sides of the argument.. I am vegetarian but I would have meat options at my wedding to be accomediating as I have always been to weddings where there is a veggie option for vegetarians.  I would be upset if people big on meat said ONLY MEAT OPTIONS DEAL WITH IT when I dont eat meat.  I know it is a little different but just my 2 cents.

    Post # 113
    Member
    7768 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    As long as you are serving good, substantial and delicious food, go for it!  It is your day and you should do what you believe in.  I think it is okay.

    My menu would be Girlfriend, organic, local, low glycemic.  I think food is very important and we should put in our bodies things we believe in.  It is not like you are serving them one tiny dry piece of potato. 

    Post # 114
    Member
    2424 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    DH and I wouldn’t mind eating vegetarian food at a wedding, because while we aren’t vegetarians, we eat and cook plenty of veggie meals on our own.

    My parents however, I would bet a ton of money wouldn’t eat anything at a vegetarian wedding except probably pasta or lasagna with red sauce. My parents are HUGE carnivores, as in they don’t think it’s a meal without meat. And as I think is typical of many people who place a lot of importance on meat, they are not the most open minded when it comes to food. My parents won’t eat any “ethnic” food unless it’s Italian, and even then they pick and choose waht they like (i.e. won’t eat white sauce or pesto). They eat veggies as a side dish, but would never touch a veggie entree like eggplant or portobello mushrooms. I think this is pretty typical of the “steak and potatoes” American.

    So, I think if you are catering to a very Southern crowd, I have a hunch you will run into the same problem, and have a lot of people grumbling that there is nothing they will eat. Especially in the older generation. And I agree with a PP saying that we provide veggie options at a carnivores wedding, so I think it’s good manners to follow suit.

    I also feel like it’s kind of forcing your beliefs and morals on others. Observing a ceremony of a different religion is one thing, but asking them to take communion with that faith is another. That is what I feel like forcing your non-vegetarian guests to eat vegetarian is analogous to. That’s just my opinion though, and I know it’s not intended this way. And as I said, as a young adventurous eater, I would be thrilled by the opportunity to try different veggie dishes at your wedding, but my picky meat-obsessed parents wouldn’t.

    Post # 115
    Member
    9024 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @bellapiece:  As a vegetarian you expect to have some veggie options when you attend other peoples weddings so you should return the favor.

    Post # 116
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @bellapiece:  

    Hah. “Etiquette faux pas.” Some people will pull out anything to try and get their way.

    No, it’s not. No more than Italian people serving pasta dishes or Jewish people serving Kosher food or Japanese people serving sushi. 

    Post # 117
    Member
    4654 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @ChemistryBride:  They won’t eat pesto!!?!? Haha. I mean no offense. I just love pesto so much that whenever I hear that its like “ok… you’re reeeaaaallly missing out though… more for me I guess…”

    Post # 118
    Member
    645 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    As a vegan I am constantly presented with situations where I do not eat because at weddings or other events people don’t have an option for me. I am not angry about it nor do I pitch a fit because it is my choosing. People who choose to eat meat cannot get angry if they aren’t served meat and if they do they need to calm down! I would not expect to see crab and pork at a Jewish wedding and it would not be offensive to me to see a veggie only wedding.

    It’s not like people will be eating grass here, crazy as it sounds Vegetarian food can be filling and delicious.

    Post # 119
    Member
    131 posts
    Blushing bee

    I am a total carnavore and was recently invited to a vegan wedding where only vegetarian options were offered.  I kinda “lucked out” that it happened to be the same day as our reception and we didn’t have the option to go as we had already made deposits and told our families the date.

    In my opinion you should have what you want at your special day and if your friends and family don’t like it then it is their problem.  Personally though, I would go hungry versus eating a vegan dish, which probably isn’t what you are looking for either because it is misery indusing, and likely won’t lead to people having a great time and staying for the whole event.

    Post # 120
    Member
    4654 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @Miss Gamer:  So… you don’t like chips and salsa/hummus? Or mushrooms? Or spaghetti with tomato sauce? Gnocci? Fruit gelato?  If normal food options like that (which happened to be vegan) were presented to you at a vegan wedding, you’d rather starve than even eat a little and you’d be unable to have a good time? Maybe I misunderstood? It just seems a bit dramatic, is all.

    Post # 121
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I LOVE meat. But I’d never impose my meat-love onto another person’s wedding!  I had a kosher wedding and because we served meat it meant there was no dairy allowed–the cake was made with substitutes, the bread came with margarine instead of butter, etc etc…if someone called me ‘inconsiderate’ for those choices I’d have been royally pissed. 

    Honestly, I’ve been to weddings where I didn’t like the food choices, or there was a limited selection for me (i.e., a wedding with only 1 entree and it was pork which I don’t eat, so I only ate the side dishes)…it’s not the best meal of your life, but it’s not something that is going to kill me or ruin my day.  You’re not forcing them to eat something they don’t like or have a moral objection to, it’s just their less preferred option and it can still be delicious and satisfying.  Maybe include the info on your wedding website so they can have a big, meaty lunch if they feel strongly about meat.

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