(Closed) Vendor's Husband Died/ What Should I Do?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Book a backup just in case but don’t say a word…until two weeks before

Post # 4
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Nona99:  i agree, that’s exactly what i was thinking.

Post # 5
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Death trumps wedding, it sucks, but it’s the rule

Post # 6
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Here’s what I think I would do – I don’t think booking a backup without saying anything is realistic because you usually need deposits or have contracts. You could end up out several hundred dollars potentially if you have duplicate contracts.

1. Find someone else available that date that I’m happy with.

2. Write a hand-written note to my vendor, assuming I have their address, with condolences. In that note, let them know I have found someone that can do the wedding on that date, if they would prefer.

3. In the note, include address, email, and phone and ask them to let me know via whatever method is easiest for them if I should book the backup or if they would still like to do the wedding.

4. If I don’t hear back in a week, I would then call or facebook. Always prefacing with condolences. The key is to be heartfelt and understanding, and give the person as many outs as possible.

You never know, she may need the work for the $$ or want the work for the distraction. I wouldn’t immediately cut her out, I’d just try to approach the subject in as compassionate of a way as possible. I think handwritten note is the nicest way and I’d make it 90% condolences, 10% following up on contract.

 

Post # 7
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would ask rather than booking someone else and forcing one of them to loose out on money.

“We are so sorry for your loss.  We understand if you will not be feeling up to working on clients so soon.  Please let us know your plans and know that our thoughts are with you during this difficult time.”

Post # 8
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I would have a backup just in case… then ask 1-2 weeks before if she is still available, offering condolences, of course.

Post # 12
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

This happened to me with my photog – although it was in March, and the wedding was late June – with the twist that both she and her husband were close family friends.

I was heartbroken over his death, which was extremely sudden and unexpected, but I also didn’t know whether she would want to still photograph the wedding. Turns out she very much wanted to. It probably would have been different if the wedding had been less than a month after his death, but since it was well past all the memorials, I think it was good for her to be around other people, doing her work, etc. It’s easy to feel isolated after the death of a spouse, particularly after the funeral is over and everyone else is kind of moving on with their lives.

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