Post # 1
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
My fiance and I got engaged on February 25 of this year! We had planned on having a year long engagement to save money for our wedding and so that all of friends and family who were traveling had a break for awhile before having to come back to Ca. Well my grandmother who raised me, is dying. We moved our wedding date from May of next year to May of this year. I am taking care of my grandmother, I live with her. I am the one tending her house, making her meals, cleaning her…well you get the point. And ontop of it I am planning a full wedding for 80 guests in May!!! My fiance has no opions about what he wants done other than he wants a keg and to get married infront of the fire place at our venue. How ever my grandmother has an opnion on everything and things that every one else should be able to do what ever they want to make them comfortable (my other family memebers my aunt, my cousin, their kids ect) which is trumping all over the idea that I had in mind for my wedding. I wanted elegant and simple, and its turning into he wants she wants wedding because I don’t have the heart to tell my grandma no that isn’t the way I want things done because this is so important to her. Did I mention she is helping us pay for the wedding due to the fact we werent able to save for the year like we planned? So I am beyond stressed out booking venues, dealing with insurance people, shopping for everything that every one wants or thinks they want at my wedding…I went wedding dress shopping with my maid of honor and bridesmaid the other day and instead of the process being midley frustrating and fun it turned out to be the day from hell for me and I left covered in hives hyperventalating (although I found the dress) due to my grandma micomanaging from home because she was unable to come along with us!! AHHHHH!!! So today for the first time in our whole relationship I actually screamed at my fiance over something stupid like soda at the wedding because I have finally hit a brick wall and my witts end….any way…just needed to vent!! I’m sure every one is having frustrating moments of their own!! I keep telling myself at the end of the I get to marry the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and have my grandmother who means the world to me there…and thats all that mattesr the other detials are just for a big party…haha sometiemes it works and sometimes it dosnt…End rant promise!!
Post # 3
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
totally just read all my typos…sorry all…I type to fast for my own good and don’t pay attention when I get on a rant!
Post # 4
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
@Whitanella: No worries about the typos :-). I personally think you should stick to your guns on the things that are most important to you and compromise when you can. I think it is wonderful you moved the wedding up for your grandmother. I would do the same thing! Hope everything works out well for you.
Post # 5
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
Aww I’m sorry. Thankfully your grandma will be there. It’s probably so important for her to manage things because it’s like her last bonding experience with you… like PP said, stick to your guns on the big things- dress, bouquet, venue; and compromise on everything else.
Post # 6
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
I’m sorry, it sounds like you are making A LOT of compromises for the sake of your grandma’s happiness. Which is probably exactly what I would do, because ultimately the most important thing is that she be able to be there to celebrate with you. However, it is your wedding, just try to keep that in mind, and maybe gently remind her that your happiness is important too. Good luck!
Post # 7
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
It sounds like for your own sanity, you should look into respite care, at least for a few hours a week. Seriously- do it for yourself AND for your grandma.
Post # 8
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Wow this is eerily similar to my “almost-situation.” My grandparents aren’t ill, but they are old and don’t look well, so I was thinking of changing my date (and forgot that that affects a whole sh*t ton of other people, including Fiance and my mom) and ended up keeping my date. I think what you’re doing is wonderful but I imagine it’s incredibly hard — I was stressed just thinking of doing it.
I agree with PPs – it’s still your wedding. It’s going to be your and your FI’s memories ofr years to come. Your pictures. I’m not saying ignore her (of course not!) but just keep YOUR vision in mind. Everyone else really needs to back off. While I’m sure they think they’re being “helpful” it sounds like they’re just making this quick planning even worse.
I wish you luck and hope it all turns out well!
Post # 9
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
Thank you ladys for the encouraging words of reassurance!! Its so frustrating and mind boggling but I know it will be worth it and I’ll always remeber all the positives and the negatives will just mealt away!! And MrsJesse, hospice is supposed to be contacting us to come in for a few hours a week but I was informed of this a few weeks ago by my aunt who took her to the appointment I was unable to make it too. So if I don’t hear anything soon I will be finding a number to contact!! thank you all for the suggestions
Post # 10
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
@AmeliaBedelia: I’m sorry to hear your grandparents and it really truly does affect every one else who is apart or even just attending! The day before our wedding we have a baptism we have to go to and a 3 year olds birthday party before we can do our rehersal dinner and start setting up our venue!! I finally snapped yesterday and had a crying histerical melt down infront if Fiance and my grandma yesterday explaining exactly how I felt…and the pictures are a BIG part of what I’m worried about. I’m a photographer who shoots wedding, along with helped set up a few friends weddings so I realise how much work goes into it and what as a photographer at the end of the day I am looking for…even as a bride what my eye will automaticly be drawn to. They both understand and I think the break down helped alot. Now we are all trying to take some time off of wedding stuff…big details but Fiance wants to go suite shopping today and we are going over to his parents today to fill them in on everything!! Keeping my fingers crossed!! I hope your wedding goes wonderful and your grandparents love it 🙂