Post # 1
My SO and I have been togther 5.5 years, living together 3.5 yrs. He is saving (literally saving money in a box in our apartment). I know the proposal is just a few months away.. BUT we are on the younger side. 24 & 25 and often don’t get taken seriously because of our age.
WARNING: Total Waiting Bee vent:
My SO is having two major surgeries next month. It bothers me that I am not considered family or almost family by the hospial & doctors. Having the title of “girl friend” is really getting me down.
His mom comes to all of the Dr. appointments out of concern- they acknowledge her more in the appointments than they do me. I would not mind- if he was still living at home with her. But the truth is- I am the one who will be taking care of him during his 2 month recovery so I really do need to be included in the conversations.
Nothing hurts more than being introduced as his girl friend- when I feel like we are so much more 🙁 anyone else ever feel like that?
Post # 3
ALL THE TIME. Holy crap all the time. I completely 100% understand.
I’m having a very very minor surgery next month and it’s going to bug the living crap out of me that he’s just my “boyfriend” when really, after 6 years and living together for 3, he’s way more than that. WAY more.
I couldn’t even go into the nurse practitioners office at the CVS (Minute Clinic or whatever it’s called) with him because we’re not engaged or married. Thank you HIPAA, for the concerns, but he asked me to come in with him.
Post # 4
@SparkleBee11: I would make it clear at the doctors appointment that you’re the one who will be taking care of him, so you have specific questions, etc. Even if you were married they may be looking at the mom more if they weren’t aware of the full situation, and if she’s the one asking all the questions.
Post # 5
…yeah, the medical privacy acts have made it impossible for doctors to divulge any information to a non-related party without like fifty million forms…it’s stupid
Post # 6
I really wish there were more official relationship levels for things like this.
Post # 7
That sucks. My SO had a very major surgery last year and we used words like spouse, partner and we had no issues. I even slept beside his bed on the chair at night as he was in recovery room and they were ok with it.
Post # 8
I’ve had 5 surgeries in the course of our relationship. After one of them, he showed up at the hospital to come visit me. He asked at the nurse’s desk which room I was in (information they were definitely allowed to give out) and the nurse wouldn’t tell him. She made some comment about how she wouldn’t feel comfortable giving a “young fling” information about one of her patients, and asked him if my mom (who was with me) approved of him visiting and knew he was coming. He was SO mad. (Rightfully so.) Eventually, my mom answered her phone and came down and led him back to the room. The nurse had no right to withhold my room information, much less make her own nasty opionated comments to SO.
It’s rough, the lack of legal permission paired with being young. Good luck to your SO and I hope he has a fast, easy recovery! Hugs.
Post # 9
I totally know what you mean. It is almost embarrassing in many situations because you are so close to being married etc but the term gf makes me feel like we are high school lovers, but actually we are adults!
Post # 10
@ Neetch – I have made it clear. I think it is just more socially comfortable for them to refer to his mom and not me because she is older. She has been awesome about trying to balance this obvious awkwardness. She even stated that to the Dr. “This is his gf, but she is much more than that” :-)- 1st time she ever referred to me like that. Which was nice.
@ lulume- I think I am going to start using the word spouse or partner. I know my SO would be so anxious staying alone over night. I would gladly sleep on the floor, a chair, anything- if they let me 🙂
Post # 11
I was about to suggest the word “partner”.
I know a couple who doesn’t believe in marriage, they get along fine by using that word.
Post # 12
This does suck!! It doesn’t get better when you’re older. We were dating in our 30s and still getting the “Oh, suuuuure” eye from people. If you aren’t engaged or married no one takes you seriously. Like when we were buying a house…or purchasing huge appliances…that judgement is everywhere if there isn’t a ring.
Post # 13
I completely understand! A couple of months ago, my SO’s grandmother passed away. I had just started my job a month earlier, and felt bad about asking for time off to attend the funeral ceremony. I felt that by saying my “boyfriend’s” grandmother, they were less likely to think our relationship was that serious. We’ve been together 6 yrs in October, we are much more than bf/gf.
Also I think it’s worse when you’re in your 30s as opposed to in your 20s. No one thinks twice if you say “my boyfriend” in your 20s, but once you hit your 30s, people wonder why the guy is just your boyfriend instead of being your husband (or at least fiancee!), especially if you’ve been dating for quite a while.
Post # 14
Thanks- EVERYONE. It really helps knowing Im not alone or crazy! 🙂
@ mississippiqueen- we got that a lot when we started looking for apartments. We still get that when we go shopping for furniture,
@ stargazer- I had a similar experience with funerals and even weddings. My SO’s mom had just gotten married- and her new husband’s mom passed away a few months after the wedding. My SO could not attend because he was ill. My parents and I went out of respect. Needless to say it was an awkward mess. My SO and I barely even knew her new husband. They were engaged and married in just a little over a year after meeting. At the time I had lived with her son for 3 years (dating for 5) which was much longer than she had even known her husband who I had met a total of 5 times (including their wedding).
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
Two word: Domestic Partnership
Post # 16
Le sigh. I hear you. I am still a “girlfriend” 8.5 years into it, living together for the past 7.5 years. I am partly to blame for not being engaged however, since I didn’t want to rush it. When we save up money to have my ring made and then wait another two months for it to be done, then we can get engaged soon after.