(Closed) Vent- about being a "girl friend" in serious situations

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

ALL THE TIME. Holy crap all the time. I completely 100% understand.

I’m having a very very minor surgery next month and it’s going to bug the living crap out of me that he’s just my “boyfriend” when really, after 6 years and living together for 3, he’s way more than that. WAY more.

I couldn’t even go into the nurse practitioners office at the CVS (Minute Clinic or whatever it’s called) with him because we’re not engaged or married. Thank you HIPAA, for the concerns, but he asked me to come in with him.

Post # 4
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@SparkleBee11:  I would make it clear at the doctors appointment that you’re the one who will be taking care of him, so you have specific questions, etc. Even if you were married they may be looking at the mom more if they weren’t aware of the full situation, and if she’s the one asking all the questions.

Post # 5
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

…yeah, the medical privacy acts have made it impossible for doctors to divulge any information to a non-related party without like fifty million forms…it’s stupid

Post # 6
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I really wish there were more official relationship levels for things like this. 

Post # 7
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That sucks. My SO had a very major surgery last year and we used words like spouse, partner and we had no issues. I even slept beside his bed on the chair at night as he was in recovery room and they were ok with it. 

Post # 8
Member
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’ve had 5 surgeries in the course of our relationship. After one of them, he showed up at the hospital to come visit me. He asked at the nurse’s desk which room I was in (information they were definitely allowed to give out) and the nurse wouldn’t tell him. She made some comment about how she wouldn’t feel comfortable giving a “young fling” information about one of her patients, and asked him if my mom (who was with me) approved of him visiting and knew he was coming. He was SO mad. (Rightfully so.) Eventually, my mom answered her phone and came down and led him back to the room. The nurse had no right to withhold my room information, much less make her own nasty opionated comments to SO.

It’s rough, the lack of legal permission paired with being young. Good luck to your SO and I hope he has a fast, easy recovery! Hugs.

Post # 9
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I totally know what you mean. It is almost embarrassing in many situations because you are so close to being married etc but the term gf makes me feel like we are high school lovers, but actually we are adults!

Post # 11
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee

I was about to suggest the word “partner”.

I know a couple who doesn’t believe in marriage, they get along fine by using that word. 

Post # 12
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This does suck!! It doesn’t get better when you’re older. We were dating in our 30s and still getting the “Oh, suuuuure” eye from people. If you aren’t engaged or married no one takes you seriously. Like when we were buying a house…or purchasing huge appliances…that judgement is everywhere if there isn’t a ring.

Post # 13
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I completely understand! A couple of months ago, my SO’s grandmother passed away. I had just started my job a month earlier, and felt bad about asking for time off to attend the funeral ceremony. I felt that by saying my “boyfriend’s” grandmother, they were less likely to think our relationship was that serious. We’ve been together 6 yrs in October, we are much more than bf/gf.

Also I think it’s worse when you’re in your 30s as opposed to in your 20s. No one thinks twice if you say “my boyfriend” in your 20s, but once you hit your 30s, people wonder why the guy is just your boyfriend instead of being your husband (or at least fiancee!), especially if you’ve been dating for quite a while.

Post # 15
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Two word: Domestic Partnership

Post # 16
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

Le sigh. I hear you. I am still a “girlfriend” 8.5 years into it, living together for the past 7.5 years. I am partly to blame for not being engaged however, since I didn’t want to rush it. When we save up money to have my ring made and then wait another two months for it to be done, then we can get engaged soon after.

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