(Closed) Vent about FMIL and budget

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think you have that many options here, TBH… without kidnapping their accountant, you really don’t know enough about their finances to really know how they make their decisions.Maybe they lost share income in the recession? Maybe they’re trying to clear old debts from years ago? No way of knowing.

I’d scale the rehearsal dinner back to what you can afford, and just be polite in thanking her for whatever they do give you. The rehearsal dinner is one meal, and you obv intend to marry their son, meaning you’ll be tied to these people, pretty much, the rest of your life.

A few hundred or even a few thousand dollars is not worth jeopardising that relationship for.

Also , you may drive that “they’re supposed to pay for” nonsense out of your head. They seem to be the most variable, flexible and easily thrown out wedding customs in the book!

Post # 4
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@aunt pol: very well said!

Post # 5
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@aunt pol: I agree with this!

Also, how do you really know they spend that much on the other wedding?  Was Future Sister-In-Law bragging about it?  A lot of people like to inflate costs to make themselves look better, especially when it comes to weddings I have found.

Also, when was theirs?  Did FI’s family lose a lot of money in the market? 

I think the biggest issue here is that you feel slighted and that you aren’t being treated equally to Future Sister-In-Law and I totally understand that.  I think that this point, the only thing you can do is perhaps talk to Fiance to see if there is a reason for the smaller amount (if it actually is a smaller amount) and also mention that your feelings are a bit hurt that they spent a significant amount more on the other rehearsal dinner because you feel like they are placing her above you.  I’m really sorry you have to deal with this and I hope it works out!  HUGS!

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