Post # 1
I just saw a comment from someone on Facebook on how they don’t see the point in a long engagement, and wondered if it was because you had to decide if you really wanted to marry each other. I’m just fuming at the moment.
My fiance and I knew we wanted to marry each other before we were engaged, and then sealed the deal when he proposed and I accepted. A long engagement is not about deciding if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone – it’s about starting it on the right foot.
We are an independent couple who live together and have a lot of bills that we are responsible for. We are paying for the wedding on our own. Is it better to go into debt over your wedding? To me I think it’s better to pay for the wedding in cash (that you have spent the time saving). We are saving for a wedding and a house at the same time – hoping to buy a house a few months after we are married. Could we do that if we were in debt due to a wedding that we couldn’t afford at the time but that we rushed into to avoid a long engagement?
Some people are lucky and have savings already or have parents who have offered and are willing to pay for most of the wedding. Not all of us are that lucky.
To anyone who makes a snotty comments about long engagements…just know that there are a lot of factors to take into consideration and it can be very offensive to someone when you just assume that they have doubts in their relationship. How ignorant!
Post # 3
*high five* totally agree!
Post # 4
People just need to keep their noses in their own business – how ridiculous! That’s like saying the same thing about couples that date for several years. I completely 100% agree with you btw! Ours is a year and a half and we get “why so long?” Ugh.
Post # 5
You are doing the right thing by waiting a bit longer and paying in cash! People sometimes just don’t understand what a bad cycle it is to start your lives together with not only debt, but then interest charges as well! No thank you!
PS- facebook is so annoying like that! 🙂
Post # 6
Wow…you know what they say about people that “assume” anything. That is just a stupid comment to make. (was this comment made by a friend of yours?) It would be just as bad as someone saying “Why are you having such a short engagement, afraid he will end up changing his mind?”
We had a 2 year engagement…reason being that we wanted to pay for the entire wedding in cash and needed that amount of time to save up enough. Period.
Post # 7
I totally agree! We are in the same boat!
Post # 8
Our engagement was close to two years, and we just needed extra time to make sure we could pay for the wedding in full ourselves and to plan the whole thing, since we were on a tight budget and couldn’t afford help like DOC, etc… It’s okay to have a long engagement! It doesn’t make you any less likely to be committed to one another.
Post # 9
It was posted in response to a wedding vendors question “What is your ideal engagement length?” I bit my tongue and didn’t call her out, but I have a feeling it will get ugly soon and the question will be yanked down.
Our engagement will be 2 years 4 months long. I know it’s about the marriage and not the wedding, but to me it is important to say our vows to each other in front of our family and close friends and have the wedding I’ve always dreamed of – since I’m only doing it once. We probably could have pulled it off at 2 years, but I really had my heart set on November at that point so I figured, why not wait a few months longer? I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him, so a few extra months in the scheme of things really won’t matter.
Post # 10
I do agree that there are a lot of factors in having a long engagement and I think that there are some good reasons for doing so. Saving up money, waiting for a particular date, waiting for graduation or something. It’s better to wait then to end up in debt.
I do however know people that get engaged and never set a date or try to do any planning or anything. That I don’t understand. I know somebody that has been engaged for 3 years with no date set and no plans at all. A long engagement in that case I don’t think makes sense. I feel like they just got engaged to be engaged.
Post # 11
We were engaged in April of 09 and didn’t get married until December of 10. We paid for everything ourselves in cash–and let me tell ya, that money did not appear on its own 😉 Admittedly, a lot of that time was going back and forth of exactly WHAT we were going to do for the wedding, because we didn’t start actively saving until probably Jan/Feb of 10…but we also were not in a hurry & were definitely not “evaluating” if we wanted to be together. Isn’t that decision made when you get engaged??????
Post # 12
You poor thing, I guess it goes along with people saying to me every other day before we got engaged….you’ve been together 3 years, wow? So, are you going to get married, why hasn’t he proposed? don’t you want a family…blah blah blah…
We got engaged after 3 years together, and now we are having a very short engagement, 6 months…I wouldn’t suggest to anyone, I feel like a chicken running around with her head cut off, an elopement sounds better and better every day…. to all those people who feel the need to voice their opinions about your relationship, just turn it around on them, Soooo you and Uncle Tom have been married for years, huh….does it bother you he has that HUGE playboy collection in the game room? It’s weird how he’s so nice to Aunt Sally, he really has a special place in his heart for her
Post # 13
I hear you girl!! By the time we get married, we will have been engaged for one month shy of two years. I have heard all of the same things, but I am just like you and we are paying for our own wedding! To top it off, my fiance’s brother and his sister both got engaged after us, and are both getting married before us!!
And the comments haven’t stopped–from the rudeness about long engagements, to the attitude about my outdoor ceremony–I almost want to elope right now and get out of dodge 🙂
Post # 14
I def agree!! Our long engagement isn’t bc we’re not sure if we’re ready to get married, its for financial reasons. We are also very independent, Fiance has a son & we have a daughter together. A lot of responsibilities, so we’re saving slowly we’re paying everything in cash.
Post # 15
I have heard some snide comments about long engagements as well. People have asked me why even bother waiting. They obviously don’t understand that we want to take our time for several reasons:
- We’re paying for the money
- We don’t want to be stressed and fight over the wedding
- We want time to plan
- My Maid/Matron of Honor and I plan to do a lot of DIY projects
It’s none of their business as to why we want to wait. I am currently staying with J and his parents (we’re working on getting our apartment soon) and she even said that if we wanted to, we could get married in the courthouse and keep it hush-hush then do the big wedding for in October 2012. This has crossed my mind, but I like the excitement of waiting for the big day as well. So, we shall see how things works out.
Pay no attention to the nay-sayers and debbie downers. The economy right now is no help or in any shape to get 100% better by the time we do plan to get married. Focus on you, your plans, and what lies ahead. As my mother told me yesterday, you’re going to be so glad you waited awhile to get married because it’s nothing but stress. It’s worth taking your time and making it absolutely perfect.
Post # 16
Engaged at 6.5 years together.
Now at 7+ years together.
Thinking about the wedding in 10 years (2013).
We want to save up and buy a house and have the wedding there instead.
No one should have to justify wedding plans or relationship status to anyone else!