(Closed) vent about money/fiance-long, sorry :

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

It looks like the post was cut off….

Post # 4
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m not really sure what the issue is.  Are you saying that you think he should be saving more than $50 a month?  Is this a joint savings account?  I’m sure my husband feels the same way about me that you do about your boy.  I don’t make twice as much as my husband, but I definitely spend it, haha.  He’s a saver and I’m a spender, which is why we both have separate checking accounts.

What’s the issue you seem to be having?  Maybe if you could explain it a little better, we could offer some advice!

Post # 5
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do YOU have a plan for dealing with your personal debt? I would tackle that first honestly, before even thinking about getting into a home. If you are drowning in debt, which is sounds like you are (“I have no money leftover at the end of the month. None.”), adding more debt will not help you, in any way. Home need wiggle-room, no matter even if it’s brand new, things will go wrong with it, and will take money (many times on short notice!) to fix.

I understand your frustration a bit, but I honestly think you need to have wiggle room without your own budget (and some savings beyond whatever you save for a downpayment) before you really even think about buying a house. Too mush risk otherwise.

I don’t think there is anything wrong though with sitting down with your man, and discussing budgets. If you both have the same goals, and want to save for a specific goal, there is no reason why you can’t be open with eachother about your finances. Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I feel like you’re saying that because you have more debt than him, he should pay off your debt.

Yeah I wouldn’t just be paying off my husband’s debt just because I make more. How will you learn to be financially responsible if he just pays you off?

That being said, a measly $50 to your savings account isn’t much. He could be putting more towards that and I do agree with you on that one

Do you live together?

Also you totally need to pay off a lot of that erroneous debt before you buy a house.

Post # 8
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ok if your only beef is that he’s not contributing more to your joint savings account, I’d calmly try to talk to him about contributing more. You are paying all YOUR debt (key in my opinion) and he’s just banking his? He should put more towards it. $100/month isn’t a whole lot in savings, ya know?I was thinking you were heading somewhere else with this post.

Remind him he says he’ll do something but he never acts on it. What about setting up auto-deposit? i do that so i don’t forget. Cuz i totally would.

maybe he’s saving to buy you something sparkly.

PS i’m from StL too =]

Post # 9
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

What about doing the whole percent deal?  My husband and I do that because we make different amounts of money.  Maybe point out to him that $50 is x% of your paycheck, but it’s y% of his, and so while you’re both contributing the same dollar amount, you’re contributing more of your total paycheck than he is, and it would be nice if you both contributed something more equal, percentage wise.  Point out that even if he also contributes x% of his paycheck, he’ll still have more left over than you do, simply because he makes more.

For example, let’s say that you make $500 a month, and he makes $1000.  If you both contribute $50 to the savings, then you are contributing 10% of your paycheck, while he is only contributing 5% of his.  If he also contributed 10% instead, a.k.a. $100, you’d be able to save more quicker, and he’d still have $900 leftover, versus your $450 (a.k.a. still twice as much).

Good luck to you!

Post # 12
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

This is a huge, huge problem in my opinion. Money and communication are two very important and essential aspects to a marriage. If you can’t talk about money matters(or anything for that matter) there will be trouble. I don’t know what advice I can give, but I can say this…the fact that he is not saving more money or telling you where it is spent is less of a problem in my mind than the fact that he jokes or blows you off about it. If you two can’t have a serious talk in which you feel heard, respected…I don’t see how this will work.

I know you want to buy a house, but right now the more and most important thing (in my opinion) is your lack of communication and money troubles. The house should wait.

Post # 13
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sounds like you both could benefit from talking to a financial planner, together.  Money issues can destroy good relationships, and they’ll always be around.  If his eyes glaze over, and he never follows through on what you do manage to talk about, your finances aren’t going to get any better, and it’s going to put more of a strain on you both.  Get an expert third party involved to get you both on the same page and on the right track towards your goals.

Post # 14
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I guess I’m confused as to why you think he should take responsibility for your debt?  Even if he offers, why would you want him to do that?  I think you’re upset because he has mentioned it before and hasn’t followed through with it and you are just waiting for him to take care of it.  The issue is you accepted the credit card(s) and charged them, no one forced you.  Your other bills, well, they are what they are.  I know where you are coming from feeling buried in debt.  When I first met my Fiance two years ago I had credit card debt, car payment and about $4,000 in student loans—he had only a car payment, rent, phone and car insurance—that was it!  But not once did I think he should help me, ever.  I cut back, WAY back, and paid off everything in a year and a half.  It sucked but I did it.  Now all we have for debt is a mortgage, cell phones, car insurance and utilities–nothing more. 

While I don’t know how much you make a month I do know what it’s like to feel like there is nothing left at the end of the month.  Have you really sat down and drawn up a budget and listed everything you buy?  Most people are amazed when they realize they eat out just that much, buy that many coffees, etc.  Do you buy clothes, magazines, get mani/pedis, go tanning, have a gym membership, etc?  If so, maybe they need to go for awhile until you can get back on your feet.  Paying off debt can be done—check out Suze Orman online for great tips on paying off debt.

Due to your financial situation, why not continue to pay what you can and do that for a bit and maybe later on you can buy a home?  I think when people have their S.O.’s or let them pay off their debt like that it can cause problems later on.

Post # 16
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You definitely don’t have to be a “wasteful” spender to end up with debt (and it doesn’t sound like you are a wasteful spender from your posts), and it’s sad what your dad did – but now is the time to be really proactive about it, whatever the causes of the debt were are in the past.

What worked for me (to pay off credit card debt, loans, etc.) was to get a second part time job, and the income from that job went directly to the credit cards. Started with the smallest balance, and went from there (I think it’s called the “snowball method”. There are certainly other methods as well. Have you checked out the forums at myfico.com? They can have some great advice on rebuilding your credit – and on cutting down your debt.

It sounds like you are uneasy just having your FH pay your debt (I would be too), but want something done about it – maybe if you were to get a second part-time job (even for like 10 hours a week), FH would see that you really need help getting the debt paid down, and that it won’t just magically happen on its own. It took about 6 months of working that second job to make a real dent in the debt, and get me at a place where I could breathe, and have more than $50 left at the end of the month. Good luck, I know how stressful money and debt issues can be.

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