- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Hey ladies…I’m new to weddingbee and happy to be here! The stresses of getting married in two months prompted me to join and share stories and support!
I share this story because I honestly want to know if my expectations are reasonable. Is my anger valid or am I being over-sensitive?
Basically, one of FH’s closest friends (let’s call him Frank, not his real name!) will miss our ceremony (and potentially our entire wedding). FH is the stoic type and did not share too many details of how it went when Frank told him, but he told me he was upset and did not want to talk about it (that means he is really really upset!!). We’re not having a formal bridal party,but we are having a Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man. For FH he almost chose Frank as his Bridesmaid or Best Man…I’m glad he went with the other friend as he’s been great, but this shows you how close he feels to Frank. It just bothers me so much because I know how much FH wanted him there, not just for the ceremony, but even before to take pictures together and such. I understand things come up, but what I’m upset about is that we sent a STD 9 months ago, and I don’t think his excuse is good enough to miss his close friend getting married, especially with how long he’s known about the precise date and location of our wedding! Long story short, Frank is engaged as well, and his fiance is an entrepreneur who has a work event the day of our wedding (yes our wedding is on a weekend!), and he usually helps her at these events. I know that our wedding is during a very busy time of year for her industry, but I still feel like she must have had some control over the exact day that her event is (I could be wrong and hope I am). I’m friendly with her, she’s a cool person, and she did reach out to tell me she had the event the day of our wedding and was upset she’d be missing the ceremony. I told her I understood, but that I know my FH really wanted Frank there. She replied that she’d send him up early to our wedding. Her saying that made me confident it would all work out (even though I was still disappointed about her conflicting work event), but as it turns out, her event starts at exactly the same time as our wedding, AND is an hour drive away. So she won’t just be missing the ceremony, she’ll probably miss the majority of the night. When FH talked to Frank, Frank basically said he planned to make it to our wedding about two hours after it started (at the earliest).
Am I overreacting by thinking and feeling like this is messed up? It’s sweet how Frank always helps his SO at her events, but I really feel like this one time could be an exception – I’m sure there’s plenty he could do to help her in the weeks and days leading up to the event (and they could find another hand to help at the event itself) that he doesn’t need to miss one of his closest friend’s weddings! It bothers me too, because they are getting married a month after us, and FH is one of Frank’s groomsmen. So I feel like they should be more understanding of us expecting Frank to be there. It makes me regret not having a formal bridal party, because then Frank would be a groomsman and maybe him and his fiance would be more cooperative about making sure he’s up there for the ceremony. We did not want to make our close friends bridesmaids and groomsmen because we didn’t want them to have to buy dresses and tux’s…we didn’t want to inconvenience anyone! Now that philosophy is biting us in the ass! My FH is such a loyal and generous person, I feel like he deserves the same back from the people he cares about. I want to be a laid back and understanding bride, but I just feel like super close friends should try as hard as possible to be there for us on our wedding day.
<br />What do you think, am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? I should add that Frank and his SO are both really nice, lovely people and I’m sure they feel bad…it’s just disappointing as I feel like my FH would do whatever he could to make it work if the roles were reversed.
- This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by rusticchic212.