Post # 1
I’m kind of annoyed. One of my best friends is having a baby shower this weekend for her second child. Her daughter is only 2 1/2. I’m not sure if people do this in other parts of the country but where we live it is considered incredibly tacky. It’s pretty evident that this shower is just a gift grab. She even went as far as to register though she did so under her maiden name for some reason (still trying to figure that one out).
Her mother is throwing her the shower at their church, there are no invitations and from what I gather there won’t really be any food either for a 6 pm shower! I was the only one of our group of friends who she told and apparently I was supposed to relay the message to the rest of our group. News to me! So needless to say, I will be the only one of our friends there with her psycho/dysfunctional/abusive/trashy family. I’m kind of annoyed by the whole thing though, since she’s one of my best friends I have to go to support her. I wouldnt have an issue going if there was a considerable amount of time between kids but theres not.
I dont really know where this post is going but I just had to vent!
What are your thoughts on multiple baby showers?
Post # 3
I don’t think multiple showers are tacky! I guess it must be regional.
Post # 4
@UpstateCait: Ya, that’s really not kosher to me either. That definitely sounds like a gift grab, that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And why are you in charge of inviting other people?! That’s the host’s job! I would conveniently be “busy” that day if I were you. The only only only way that I could think this would even be remotely reasonable was if the child was of the opposite sex of the first one. Then you couldn’t really make due with the clothes you already have. But even at that, my friends have been really great with saving and boxing up clothes by size & gender, and then sharing amongst themselves! Most of my friends have too much because of that system! Have you asked your friend about why she’s having another shower? I’d be interested to hear her reasoning (if it was other than, “I want new stuff”).
Post # 5
@OttawaBride2011: Have you been to a shower for a second child? I’ve never heard of it here in the GTA. I know girls who have had 2+ showers for the first baby (one friends/one family/work/etc), but I don’t know anyone who’s had one for the second (or any subsequent) child. Just curious to know since we’re relatively close together!
Post # 6
@bakerella: Lol. Well I don’t have any friends with babies yet, just my sister and she only has one. But in my head, when I think about it, I don’t think it would bother me. Maybe I would feel different if it actually happens to me…
Post # 7
@UpstateCait: It really depends. I had a baby shower for my first daughter. Her father and I are not together. She is 4 right now. My SO and I want two more of our own and I’m sure his family is going to want to throw the baby shower and enjoy having their first grand child. I’m not going to turn it down because I’ve already been there done that.
Every situation is different. I think if they are super close in age, then a baby shower is pointless and gift grabby. If you have a six year old by the time you have a new baby, then I feel like it’s okay. In my situation I feel like it’s perfectly fine and I will flip off the etiquette police if they try to arrest me. ^_^
Post # 8
The multiple shower thing wouldn’t be a big deal for me (I personally think they are totally fine), but I do think the rest of the shower sounds a bit….interesting.
Post # 9
I agree baby showers for 2nd baby are not looked upon kindly where I come from. Maybe if the baby is a different gender, for fun and to get a few gender specific things. But definitely not for the same sex as the first and so close together.
Post # 10
@bakerella: Thats exactly it. She “wants new stuff”. She is having a boy and her other kid is a girl but ALL of the baby things that we’re purchased for her daughter were gender neutral so they really do have everything that they need. They just WANT new things. This is the way my friend does things. We didn’t even get an invitation to her wedding (and I was a bridesmaid). I threw her bridal shower of which I got ZERO help for and never got a thank you card. We also never got a thank you card for our $250 wedding gift. I’ve made it a point to only get her diapers and a toy for this kid. I refuse to go all out like I normally do.
Post # 11
I’m split on this one. I recently threw a 2nd shower for a friend, whom I met after she had her 1st child… we’re in the same play group. SO, the playgroup had a shower. None of us were at her first shower. In this case, we just really wanted to throw her one… we would have bought her gifts anyway and wanted to get together.
Most “2nd baby showers” that I’ve heard of or been invited to listed that gifts were optional and not expected. Everyone brought one, but again, we all would have gotten the mom gifts anyway.
Post # 12
I don’t see the problem with having a 2nd shower…what if it’s a different gender? But I do have a problem with having a shower and not providing snacks/food! That’s not cool..
Post # 13
Multiple babies showers don’t really bother me. I think every child deserves a celebration. I threw two showers for the same friend and enjoyed planning and hosting both of them. For the second shower, she didn’t register and I made it clear on an insert in the invitation that no gifts were needed but if they wanted to bring something, they could bring diapers in various sizes and bottle liners.
Having said that….I am not really cool with people throwing THEMSELVES a baby shower…that DOES seem gift grabby. However, if someone offers to throw one FOR you…why not?
Post # 14
Hm. Good points from all the PPs. I hadn’t thought about the child from a previous relationship vs child from new relationship type scenario…. That would be really exciting for the family, very true.
I don’t think I would go to a second shower formally, but I have no problem buying a congrats gift for mom and the new baby when someone does have a second child. We always give a little outfit or whateve, it’s not like the second child is less special. I just always think of showers as an opportunity for the parents to get some help with the big ticket items like a car seat, high chair, stroller, monitor set, etc.
I guess I could just say that for myself, I wouldn’t want a shower for my second child (not that I even have a first yet! LOL!). Different strokes for different strokes, and I agree, situation dependant.
*As a side note, thanks to the other posters who offered varying opinions/ experiences! I never thought of the things you mentioned. Along the lines of another thread, you guys made me reconsider my viewpoint! Cool!
Post # 15
I am always happy to attend showers for others, even if it is for their second or third child.. I appreciate all that my friends, family and bridesmaids have done for me throughout my engagement, and just want to reflect that back to others.. Seriously, I find myself giving nicer presents to others because people have been so generous with me! True, the details of this shower sound a bit odd, but if you are truly friends with this girl, you will support her, regardless of her neurotic/trashy family. She probably needs you there for support! In the south for a second baby, sometimes there is a “sip and see” where friends and family are invited to come and meet the baby after he or she is born and enjoy some light appetizers and punch or champagne…Instead of having another baby shower for instance.. Hope you’ve gotten some clarity and gotten the frustration out! 🙂
Post # 16
It’s definitely not kosher in my family/circle of friends to have more than one shower unless there are special circumstances like some listed above (different husband, kids years apart, etc.). I guess I just don’t see the need if you’ve already had one (you’d have everything you need!). It is customary to buy the new baby some outfits, onsies, blankets, or something small when it’s born, but to have a second shower and to register is definitely considered gift-grabbing.