(Closed) Vent ~ Bridesmaid gone wedding planner.

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
6573 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It sounds like the whole situation is a giant hot mess but you have to remember one thing: it is not your giant hot mess.  Instead of doing the planning for this bride, tell her  how to make her to-do list and how to separate what is important from what’s not.  Kissing menu? I don’t even know what one of those are, but chances are, you don’t need one (well SHE don’t need one). 3 pages of instructions for the groom’s father? whattttt?  New dress for the flower girl because huh whut?  It sounds like this girl is disorganized and has no attention span and has drank the kool-aid of needing a zillion youneek touches for her wedding, and it sounds like you let her suck you in with her. So stop it. Tell her to make her priorities and stop running around like a headless chicken. And after that, if there are a few tasks you are willing to help with, then by all means do so, but someone has to be the voice of reason in all of this and it might as well be you. 

Post # 4
Member
8454 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
lexyy17:  Why are you doing all of this? This goes beyond helpful and into enabling. Where is her future husband in all this? It’s bizarre. If you’re doing all this, it’s because you want to. It’s not normal for a couple to do NOTHING for their own wedding, and expect someone else to do it all, so it would have been perfectly understandable and expected for you to say “oh wow, I hope it works out!” when she told you about all these troubles that she has because neither of the people getting married did anything to try to make sure they could get married. If they don’t care about getting something done, then it doesn’t get done. Easy. That’s how the world works. Unless they have people in their life who get a kick out of swooping in to save the day — lucky them! But nobody HAS TO save the day, especially for something as non-essential as a party. If you choose to, I guess that’s nice of you. Must be tiring.

Post # 5
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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lexyy17:  All you had to do was tell your sister No. It’s not your problem, but you’re making it your problem. 

I’m glad you will be pulling back though. 

 

Post # 6
Hostess
4598 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

None of these things are actual bridesmaid duties. It sounds like your sister in law needed to hire a wedding planner, but instead of paying someone, she convinced you to do it for free. Wedding planners get paid well, for good reason.  I would run far, far away from all this drama, because it sounds like no matter how much you bend over backwards for her, she’s going to be pissed about how it turns out and you’ll get ZERO gratitute. Also, no way in hell I would go on their “honeymoon”. Just no.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by missinthecity.
Post # 7
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You are not her slave.

Here’s what I would do: write her a list of stuff that has to be done yet, then say “this isn’t my job and I don’t have time to do this.  I will see you at the wedding rehearsal” and leave.  It’s NOT your problem.  She is the one who procrastinated and now is turning into a bridezilla who treats her bridesmaids like crap (just watch one episode of Bridezillas on Netflix — this is EXACTLY what happens).  Show up for the rehearsal and the wedding, do your part, and if it’s a trainwreck, just smile and know that it was NOT your fault that she put this all off.  Grin and bear it, and then go home right after the reception.

Post # 8
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

How can she even invite people that fast? I give you a giant gold star for your patience. I would have told her off and bolted a long, hot mess, time ago.

Post # 9
Member
6573 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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lexyy17:  None of this stuff is needed to have a wedding. You have chosen to make this mess your mess. I would start putting my foot down if I were you.  This bride needs to get her sh** together and stop wasting time on stuff that does not matter (seriously, who cares what the flower girl wears — just buy a fluffy dress at any department store– and if the bridal party has uneven numbers, who cares) and you need to stop enabling her.  When she asks you to do XYZ or starts freaking out because of some random nonsense, just tell her Nope.

Post # 11
Member
3662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Nope, nope, nope. I’d hand her a notebook, sit her in front of a computer, give her a copy of Brides magazine or something, and walk away. 

Her procrastination does not become your problem. Her inability to plan should not take you away from YOUR family. Let her figure it out herself. And it wouldn’t hurt to suggest the groom pitch in at some point either.

Post # 12
Member
6232 posts
Bee Keeper

what they said – put your foot down.  Not only is it not your problem, but when they have nothing planned, they are prioritizing really idiotic things.  They don’t need a ring bearer, flower girls or an even number of bridesmaids when they haven’t even got an officiant!  They don’t even need a kissing menu, even if you did already have one mostly made up.  Get out, stay out and leave the instant the wedding is over as well.  I don’t forsee a good marriage coming out of this either, honestly.

Post # 13
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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lexyy17:  You are a ROCKSTAR! 

While I’m not sure why you’ve taken on such a crazy amount of stuff for someone else’s wedding,  you sure are doing a good job and proving you are one hell of a friend.

…seriously though, no DJ, officiant or bar service?   Those are some of the first things we booked after the venue!!!

Post # 14
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel

View original reply
lexyy17:  Yeah this isn’t really your problem, you could have walked away, etc… but I am assuming you do logically know that. I am the same kind of person- if someone needs help and I can help, I do. This probably gets taken advantage of all the time but I’ll join 
View original reply
smoocheepoo in saying you are amazing and probably made your sister in law’s wedding a thousand times better! At least that’s something you can be proud of 🙂 Now go home and rest!

Post # 15
Member
8015 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

These are not bridesmaid duties. It sounds as if she was in the middle of a complete sh*t storm and you became her saint/superhero/wedding savior. I hope she really, really appreciates all you’ve done and you now get to take a deep breath and just be there for her the day of her wedding–not as wedding planner but as bridesmaid/SIL/guest. In the meantime, sleep.

Can you convince her to hire a DOC? 

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