VENT. Dealing with the Catholic church can be SO frustrating

posted 2 years ago in Catholic
Post # 16
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

CakeSniffer :  Hehe, I really like your username. Also agree with your post but mostly just wanted to comment on the username. cool

Post # 20
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

samael :  If switching to another priest is not an option for you, then I’d follow cakesniffer’s advice and just take the priest at his word. Don’t ask for clarification or repeat any questions. Assume that what he tells you the first time is correct from here on out and plan accordingly. 

I find it really ironic that he prides himself on being “by the book,” yet changes his mind constantly on everything from what type of dress you can wear to whether your Fiance needs to come with you to an appointment. This must be a very ambivalent book he’s basing things off of.

Post # 21
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

samael :  I totally understand all your frustrations! It’s difficult, because the Catholic church does not conform to anyone, people are expected to conform to it… and I get that! As a Catholic, I understand that and if I don’t like it, I’m more than welcome to go somewhere else. So it’s not as easy as people telling you, “The Catholic church should be more accomodating”…. well, no. Not really.


HOWEVER, your situation is definitely an outlier, and I’m sorry you’re going through that stress! Our priest is extremely busy and kind of all over the place too (although we do have his phone number, and he respond to texts pretty well). We originally wanted my FI’s childhood priest, but he will be at the Vatican while we get married, so he couldn’t do it. Then we got our priest that we’ve been doing our classes with. We learned to really like him, and we got comfortable with him. Then, 6 months before the wedding, he tells us that he double-booked us, and that he actually has to perform his niece’s wedding that day. So we will have the parish’s other priest, who we don’t even really know. It’s frustrating. 


When is your wedding? I hope this stress is over for you soon, and you can receive the sacrament and move on with your happy marriage! 

Post # 24
1766 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m not Catholic, so I obviously know nothing about what is required to get married in a Catholic church. But I’ve been involved in several weddings that were in other religious houses of worship and everyone was given a very clear detailed list of the do’s and don’t’s for the wedding. Including the rules for the dress, modesty, the witnesses and their gender and religion, the order of service, the meetings and counseling required in advance. As well as the explicit information as to whom could perform the ceremony based on different requirements. The hours and dates of all the meetings and counseling. As well as the contract for the use of the religious house and the recommended “donation”.

I’m pretty astounded that this parish and this priest is that disorganized that they don’t have any of this laid out. Do they never do weddings or something? How little do they know the rules and requirements that you can’t lay them out clearly and concisely? It’s Catholicism it’s not a religion that has a lot of changes, and the canon is pretty stagnant over the last couple decades, that the priest should be very familiar with it.

I feel for you bee having to go through all this.

Post # 25
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

I have no advice, just . . . Wow. Very rude and unkind Catholics. Really should be trying to accommodate you at this point, you’ve both come a long way, even strictly speaking about your journey through their marriage criteria! I am so sorry you’re both going through this and sacrificing because of difficult human beings (which almost never feels worth the time to me).

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