(Closed) VENT: Dissapointed in entire engagement experience thus far

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3010 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am sincerely sorry to hear that your engagement experience hasn’t been a positive one.  I am not full of advice at the moment (just woke up not too long ago), but I do hope your experience and outcome turns out for the better.  Sending you good vibes!

Post # 4
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry these events are playing out up to the expectations that you’d hoped.  Sometimes you just need to take life as it comes. 

I leave out some details of my proposal story like just how drunk I was or that i was topless since i was getting ready for bed at the time.  It wasnt anything grande or spectacular but it was sweet and I was surprised when he did it even though I already knew he had the ring.

We all learn along the way that you cannot possibly please everyone.  So what if he didnt ask your parents permission?  I’m sorry it didnt happen the way your parents wanted it to, but it’s up to you to not let it bother you.  You can’t let others take away the special-ness of this time.  My Fiance didnt tell his parents until after I had the ring.  He knew they wouldnt be able to contain their excitement and would spill the beans.  Maybe your Fiance worried your mom might spill it to someone before he had the chance to ask you?

If you have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who can’t make it to an engagement party because she needs to spend time with her boyfriend, then she probably shouldnt be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Now if said boyfriend had extreme circumstances, I maybe would feel different.  However, from what you’ve shared, i’d be upset too.

I think you should have your wedding but take it easy.  This is real life, not a fairy tale so everything’s not always perfect.  **hugs**

Post # 5
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sorry to hear things weren’t as perfect as you had hoped.  My now husband basically told me that day that he was going to propose…..so much for the last little element of surprise.  Although I knew he was going to do it, it was still very sweet and very ‘us’.

There were a few other things along the way where many tear were shed by various people for a variety of reasons.  I wish I could change that but I can’t.

If you do choose the JOP wedding, just make sure you won’t regret it and won’t hold it against anyone that you went ahead and did it.  After the fact you don’t want to be holding any bad feelings towards the people who haven’t made it perfect for you up to this point.

Post # 6
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Don’t let things like your Fiance not getting down on one knee and a fight with your mom ruin the experience because even the perfect wedding (and wedding planning) does not equal a perfect marriage. Spend your energy on your relationship and have the wedding you want but don’t let peoples actions take that away.

Post # 7
1747 posts
Bumble bee

@AlmostMrsDoc:You are a grown woman so your parents being upset for him not “asking” if he can marry you sounds ridiclous. They need to get over it, you are not a child.

The issue with your Bridesmaid or Best Man not showing up is disappointing but I am not sure why you are so upset about it. Things happen, it does not mean she does not love you. Maybe she is dealing with things in her own life.

There is no such thing as perfection in any aspect of life, including weddings. You seem to be having an emotional breakdown and it may have to do more with having the support of your family than anything else. Explore where these feelings of anxiety are coming from and resolve it. Move forward with what makes you happy.

Best Wishes,


Post # 8
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m sorry you are going through this. Don’t feel alone or wrong though, plenty of people have felt the same way. Ever since we got engaged there have been plenty of little issues over people and things that never came up before wedding planning started. I think most of the stress and anxiety in wedding planning can be traced back to two things (at least in my case) which aren’t necessarily BAD things…

1. Trying to plan an amazing event that will make your guests happy. Whether someone is having 5 people or 500 people, they want every person to have a great time and be happy they came.

2. Taking your wedding day extremely seriously. This is obviously a huge event in your life and you want it to be as perfect as possible.

Those things create a lot of stress…especially if you tend to be a bit of a perfectionist like me 🙂

I know its hard…but try to stay focused on the positive — no matter what happens now, you get to marry someone you love soon and that is such a blessing. If the engagement is truly tainted for you, that’s ok. Just keep focusing on the big day getting here and saying your vows….after all, THAT is the anniversary you will celebrate for years and years, not your engagement!

Hang in there sweetie. Best wishes to you.

Post # 9
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My two cents:

You have invisioned things in your life to go a certain way, and when they don’t, you get upset. But life is not a fairytale or a soap opera. And being disappointed every time you don’t get what you’ve pictured- that is going to lead to a lifetime of unhappiness for you because life just isn’t like that.

I’m not sure if you are just very young, or if you need therapy. But if you are disappointed every time your Fiance acts in a way that you didn’t expect, andyou get this upset over it, I’m not sure how you are going to handle marriage…or life, for that matter. I would say if you are that upset over others’ reactions, maybe your maturity level is not where it needs to be. It’s ok to be a little disappointed that your engagement was not perfect, but you are carrying on in a way that is not very adult.

Post # 10
424 posts
Helper bee

Wow ok, well hello, i actually can relate to how you feel .. i wont get into WHY i can relate. but i know, sometimes it feels like in your life and around your wedding there is noone who wants to just go with what you want to make you happy.

My advice is, maybe you could sit down and talk to your fiance.. now not in the way that you have been, but really sit him down, and use your calm rational voice, and really try to get him to understand that you need support.

I find that my fiance really responds when i actually admit that maybe my ‘needs’ are irrational, but i really am feeling ‘this’ or ‘that’ and he can put himself in my shoes.

This completely elimenates fighting between us. And i have someone to help me laugh off the tough situations with my family.

Good luck. you’re not crazy.

The topic ‘VENT: Dissapointed in entire engagement experience thus far’ is closed to new replies.

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