Post # 1
Sorry, I know this probably isn’t the best place for this vent and that I should just go to dailystregth, but that place is so sad. I just can’t get sucked into threads about a brand new Angel Mom and how devistated she is. It’s just hard for me to read those. And I always read those. Plus, they have pictures of Angel Babies all over it. I hate those too as we chose to remember Moose as the baby alive inside me and not as an Angel Baby.
Okay, so now for my vent: Today another friend announced her pregnancy on Facebook. Yay for her. I can’t say that I’m happy for her, but I’m not mad or hatefilled toward her. I’m something toward her, but this isn’t my vent. It just leads to it.
Anyway, I just want to know that I can go home to my husband and whine and complain and cry because we should have Moose, but I can’t. He just says things like “we’ll have another one,” and “you’ll be a Mom.” He doesn’t get it from my side. Moose was my partner in crime for 34 weeks and 2 days. We went everywhere together, I sang awfully while Moose played air guitar. It was the best time of my life and I couldn’t wait to carry on the fun times with Moose outside of the womb.
I’m just tired of having to pretend I’m excited about the eighth friend who is pregnant since I lost Moose. And I would like some sympathy, but no one understands that, although Moose was my buldged belly and some grainy photos to them, Moose was a living, breathing character of a person I’d waited my whole life to meet (I never dreamed about weddings; I dreamed about being a mother.) Not to mention, I’m not telling anyone (except my husband) I’m pregnant until I hold a living, breathing, healthy baby in my arms. Well, I’ll tell the Bee.
Post # 3
@TheFutureMcBride: Oh I’m so sorry, I just teared up reading your post! 🙁 I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you to hear about all of your friends pregnancies. Is there some kind of support group you can join? It seems like somehting you should talk about with others who understand.
Post # 4
Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how tough it would be to suffer that loss.
And I’m sure nobody expects you to feign excitement for them and totally understand why you can’t.
My ex’s wife lost her baby when she she was about 8.5 months pregnant. I guess the umbilical cord wrapped itself around her neck and she didn’t make it.
She was devastated. She was friends with another girl who was pregnant at the same time. They went through everything together. And their friendship suffered greatly after the baby’s death. How could it not? One girl had a perfectly healthy baby. The other had an unexpected death.
Don’t beat yourself up. Explain to your husband that you don’t want to hear "we’ll have another one", that you need him to allow you to mourn the loss of your baby.
Are you seeing a therapist or going to any support groups? If not, you should. I think it would help.
Post # 5
I am so sorry about your loss. I think sometimes it can be hard for partners to understand how you are feeling or to express it properly. I think you should sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel and let him that sometimes you just want to whine and be cared for. It can be really hard to act strong all the time, we all need that time to not have our guard up.
I hope things get better for you and that you can find the support you need!
Post # 6
Yeah a support group would be nice, but there’s one 45 minutes from home which meets once a month. I went once a couple months ago and one other person showed up. It only lasts an hour which really isn’t long enough for anything. All this makes me mad too because there’s four support groups 10 minutes from my house off the top of my head for new moms which meet far more (at least once a week) than the one for Angel Moms.
And yes, we went to a therapist after we lost Moose and were told we’re doing better than any couple he’d ever seen in his 20+ years, so he really couldn’t do anything for us.
Honestly, it’s just like losing someone who is really close to you. The pain never truly goes completely away. There’s always something which can make you smile at a memory or cry over the loss. The tears just happen less as time goes on. The only difference is I have to go into our next pregnancy knowing the exact same thing can happen again because there was no reason for Moose’s death.
Post # 7
Hugs! I have never experienced a loss like yours. But, I do know what it is like to live with a husband who wants to fix things (i.e. say things he thinks will make me feel better) instead of knowing when to just listen, sympathize with my pain and affirm his love for me. Hang in there!
Post # 8
Being an angel mom myself, I completely understand. No one will ever completly understand the relationship you had with Moose. You were the only one who knew him. I wish I could reach out and hug you as there are no words of comfort that will help. For now I will send you hugs and good thoughts and prayers. If you ever need to talk you are more than welcome to PM me.
Post # 9
Poor FutureMcBride. I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry you are sad and heartbroken. I am so sorry you don’t have anyone you feel like you can talk to about it. It’s OK to be sad. It’s ok to not be able to be happy for someone right now. I know the hive isn’t there to give you a hug when you need it, but we are here for you. I’m sure your husband doesn’t mean to diminish your feelings, and that he is dealing with his loss differently and trying to put it behind him.
Post # 10
@TheFutureMcBride: The only difference is I have to go into our next pregnancy knowing the exact same thing can happen again because there was no reason for Moose’s death.
If it’s at all of any comfort to you…the person I posted about above (the wife of an ex) just recently gave birth to a healthy baby girl.
From what I understand, she kind of hibernated during the last few months of the pregnancy and they didn’t tell anyone other than their immediate families that she was pregnant until the baby was born.
I hope that your pain gets a little duller each day. Hang in there…
Post # 11
- Wedding: December 2010 - University of Toronto Faculty Club
I am so sorry you went through that. How completely and totally devastating. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been. I don’t have any great advice, but wanted to let you know that you’re in my thoughts.
Post # 12
@tksjewelry: I’m sorry about your loss too. It’s something that I wish no one understood.
Post # 13
Hugs and prayers to you FutureMrsMcBride.
Post # 14
@TheFutureMcBride: I’m am so sorry for you and you have all of my sympathy. What you went through has been something that has weighed so much on my mind lately. I wish I could send you all the warm happy hugs in the world. I am not a mom, so I can’t say that I understand what you are feeling and offer you any kind of solice….but I just want you to know that I am truly sorry.
Post # 15
So sorry for your loss words cannot explain 🙁
I’m sorry you went thru that and i think if you talk to your husband about not liking the saying ” we will have another one” he will understand.. 🙁
Post # 16
Of course Moose was real to you! I’m so sorry that the others in your life have trouble understanding that. And I’m sure your husband doesn’t mean to be insensitive about it—I’m sure he really just wants to lift your spirits. Bless you!