Post # 1
This weekend was my sisters bachelorette party. Prior to it, my Future Brother-In-Law texted my sisters college roommate and asked her to make sure everyone cooperates and does what my sister wants to do and to not let the needy sister (me, also the MOH) get her way and ruin the weekend. I was completely floored to hear my Future Brother-In-Law talk about me this way. My sister and I have been super close all of our lives, she is my best friend and I would move the world for her. I would never intentionally ruin something for her even if it was something i didnt want to do. The fact that he felt the need to text that makes me feel like he had reason to believe that i would. Obviously, I wasn’t meant to find out he sent the text (or maybe I was). The college roommate and I are fairly close so I don’t know why he would think she is more obligated to him then me.
SO now what do I do…… I am so hurt that my thought process has jumped to wondering if my sister really thinks that I have held her back, make her do stuff she doesn’t want to and ruin things for her and talks about me to him so much that he felt the need to defend her like this or if he is just taking the simple facts like we can’t go to a Thai food because I dont like it and drawing an inflated conclusion about me due to my pickiness and majorly overstepping the boundaries. I would be mortified if my husband bad mouthed my sister like that to one of our mutual friends. I have to have dinner with them for her birthday and I am dreading it, I am not good at hiding my emotions and I do not even want to see his face right now. What would you do? Should I talk to Future Brother-In-Law or talk to my sister or is this one of those things you never say? I cant talk to any family about it, because Im afraid it will cause them to have poor feelings about thier future son-in-law (I don’t want anyone to pick sides) and my husband already has an odd view of my Future Brother-In-Law, this would be the breaking point for him.
Things are a bit tense and shaky due to some bridal shower fiasco/sabotaging caused deliberatly by his parents because they were upset there were not two showers. My sister only wanted one with all the family. Up until the shower we thought everything was cool between our families but the crazy came out and their true colors were not pretty. They made it pretty awkward and Im not sure my family will ever really be accepting of them without at least an apology. They are just not the kind of people we thought they were, and we choose to not be around them except for the sake of my sister.
PS: my sister ended her Maid/Matron of Honor speech at my recent wedding with “and you will always be my icky picky sister” (from a book we had growing up). So she is well aware of all my quirks.
Post # 2
Surely your sister’s college roommate knew that no good would come of her sharing this message with you?
Post # 3
It’s absolutely okay to be who you are. Let the Future Brother-In-Law know where you two stand…hash it out…and move on.
At the end of the day, if you’re happy with yourself that’s all that matters.
What people think of us is not our business……
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
I’d talk to your sister. Will give her an opportunity to air out anything she needs to air out, or tell her Fiance to bud out… you can always talk to him if you feel comfortable with that. But I would go to your sister because if there is anything legit to his concern (coming from her) you girls need to talk about it!
Post # 5
I would talk to your sister after her bachelorette party. Be as easy going as possible throughout the bach party etc but maybe offer to take her to breakfast or lunch the next day just you two and talk to her..
See what she says.. you never know.. it could just be him… or you could be needy and your sister didn’t know how to tell her. Open up a line of sommunication and let her know she can come to you with any issues she may be having. Or if she gets defensive and says she never said that just apologize for speaking out of turn and say you will talk to Future Brother-In-Law about it then as you do not want this small issue to come between anyone.
Post # 6
…I think that you ought to do some soul-searching first, because as julies1949:
points out, there’s no real reason why your sister’s roommate would show that message to you…unless, perhaps, she thought that there was some truth to it that she thought you might need to hear. I mean, she could be a drama queen; Future Brother-In-Law could be an asswipe who also likes to incite drama, but this just seems weird that he would say this out of nowhere, for absolutely no reason.
But without getting too much more into that, forget the Future Brother-In-Law, forget the roommate; the only person that you should be handling this with, AT ALL, is your sister. And since she’s the bride, please don’t bother her with the background and the texts and whatnot. Just have a talk with her and ask her straight out if SHE feels that you’ve been too demanding and picky and if you’ve been stepping on her toes as Maid/Matron of Honor. That’s the real relationship that I think matters here, if anything.
And otherwise, just avoid Future Brother-In-Law. I get that it stings and you’re angry, but it’s not worth stirring this up.
Post # 7
You said they couldnt go to a Thai place because you don’t like Thai. Was that an example or something that really happened? It could be little things like this that are making your Future Brother-In-Law feel this way and maybe you don’t realize your pickiness is making it to where your sister can’t do what she really wants.
I’m an extremely picky picky eater but when one of my bridesmaids wanted to go to a vegan restaurant for her birthday I made it work. If she really wanted Thai just make it work.
Post # 8
I think some self-reflection is in order! He obviously didn’t mean for you to hear it. If he really disliked you, I think you would have noticed it by now. It sounds like maybe you are picky! Or people view you as picky since you call yourself “quirky”. And maybe it bothers some people more than they let on. Just because she’s aware of all your “quirks” doesn’t mean it doesn’t get annoying sometimes. I would hate for people to always avoid going to places or food just because of me. And it sounds like he was more concerned about your sister having a good time which is sweet.
Post # 9
I have to agree with the other Bees. I think it’s strange that your Future Brother-In-Law would send a message out to make sure that his wife feels comfortable and it even stranger that the roommate would disclose that information. Those actions generally do not happen unless someone feels that they have personally been wronged. Also, I doubt that there is a conspiracy where the groom and a bridesmaid have a personal vendetta against you unless they are both overtly drama kings/queens.
Also, I want to ask something, and it is going to come across as rude. Did the Thai incident happen? As in your sister wanted to go to a Thai restaurant for her bachelorette party and you stated that it could not be done because you don’t like the food, or is that a hypothetical situation? Because that can be contrived as stepping on one’s toes and in my opinion if my sister wanted to have Thai food for her bachelorette party and she loved that food, I would suck it up and do it.
Post # 10
I am sure you Future Brother-In-Law didn’t mean for you to know about this nor would he intentionally hurt you… he is only looking out for his future wife and hoping she has the best day! He was only trying to be a good fiance. Your friend honestly, in my opion, shouldn’t have told you and was only looking to cause drama. However, knowing what you know I would ask your sister if she finds you overbearing at times. I wouldn’ tell her that her fiance texted your friend, bc then you will just be causing more drama. Everyone has done somthing like this with good intentions. For example, my fiance’s stepdad can somtimes be a sloppy drunk… so we have talked to his mom to make sure she supervises his drinking during our reception. We love him and he is a wonderful man, but I am sure if she told him about this he would be hurt. And we just felt more comfortable talking with her about it than going to him. I hope I am making sense lol I really don’t think he has anything against you, just wants his bride to have an amazing day.
Post # 11
If this happened to me I would jump to two conclusions. 1. I am needy, and 2. my sister, Future Brother-In-Law, and the college roommate all agree.
But don’t feel too bad about it, fact is we’re none of us perfect. I’m sure everyone I know could come up with some annoying personality trait I have, and I’m pretty fabulous 😉 If you and your sister have a great relationship then this particular personality trait obviously doesn’t bother her too much. I’d take stock and see if I could be a little less demanding but really, don’t get too worked up that you’re not the only person in the world without a flaw.
Post # 12
And I would definitely not jump to any action. By making a big thing of it you only play into the whole neediness thing. Certainly try to help your sister enjoy her birthday dinner and get through that. The truth is, what people say about us often has more to do with them than us.
Post # 13
Do you mean that your sister “couldn’t” pick a Thai restaurant at her own bach party weekend because you don’t like thai food? That might be an example of what your Future Brother-In-Law is upset about? Doesn’t mean he hates you and thinks you’re a bad sister/friend but that you might try to get your way for some things that should be the bride’s way? (like eating Thai food if she wants at her bach weekend?)
Post # 14
I think the best way for you to respond to this is to try and be as accommodating and gracious as possible to your sister and your Future Brother-In-Law, so that your Future Brother-In-Law is proven wrong, and never bring this up. He didn’t send this to you, you only saw it because a sh*t-stirring friend showed it to you. If you confront him, you’ll just prove that you’re a drama llama.
Post # 15
I actually think it was a pretty dickish and unnecessary text message for your future brother-in-law to send. It was rude. However, what he said wasn’t terrible. Just dramatic. If I were you I’d be the bigger person. I probably would let him know that I’d seen the text if I were you, but I wouldn’t sulk over it or get upset. Remember the Friends episode when Rachel and Monica tell Phoebe she’s flaky? Phoebe agrees with them and it completely shuts the girls up. Basically, don’t let it get to you. It was one throw away comment and doesn’t mean you’re not a wonderful person, whether you’re needy or not. Take it with a pinch of salt!