(Closed) VENT: FI wants a groom’s woman??

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Could you suggest that she do a reading? That would keep her out of the bridal party pictures but would involve her in the wedding. How would your Fiance feel about that?

Post # 4
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ouch, thats a tough one. If I were you, I would put my foot down. I wouldn’t want her in my wedding either. Can you maybe suggest another role for her? Like valet or bathroom attendant? lol

Post # 5
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee

Or maybe a speech since she’s known him so long at the rehersal dinner? That way most of your guests don’t have to even take extra notice of her the day of?

Post # 6
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@missapis: Good vent! I think you have a really excellent point: It makes you uncomfie to have her up there b/c they had a thing. That makes perfect sense. He probably hasn’t made that connection yet, so it’s up to you to spell it out for him in a nice way.

I can really relate though, but from the flip side. I really wanted one of my best friends to stand up with me, and my Fiance said “No!” because we had had a relationship in the past. It never even occured to me. I was all “oh, she’s such a good friend blah blah blah” without even getting that Fiance didn’t like it.

Just be very calm and explain that it makes you uncomfortable b/c they were involved. Even if he says “oh, but it was YEARS ago” stand firm. It makes you uncomfortable. Suggest an alternative, like Jenniferk6 did – have her do a reading. That way he gets to have her involved, and you don’t have to see her up there with the rest of the bridal party.

Post # 7
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Koala Bear: yikes, you have good sentiment, but i know if it were me, i would not trust someone like that to make a speech. i think i would cringe at every reference or inside joke she mentions between her and FI!  lol, and i am not the OP and i feel this way!  

@missapis: i would also be firm about this.  you just need to find a way to explain your feelings to your Fiance without coming off as controlling or making him defensive. tough one though, i know.

 

Post # 8
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry but I think that the wedding party should be people that support the BOTH of you in your relationship. If you don’t feel like she does, then you should have the right to say you don’t want her in the wedding party. I would give the same advice to your Fiance. Give her a reading to say at the ceremony or have her be in charge of the guest book or something. Ugh that would really annoy the heck out of me.

Post # 9
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Bottom line is that people who do not support your relationship and marriage should NOT be in the wedding party, and her actions show that she is not supportive. If it were me, I’d tell my Fiance I don’t want her in the party because of this. (I would probably go so far as to say I don’t even want her at the wedding, but that may be pushing it in your case.)

Also, I would have Fiance ask his mother to stop with the comments about how this other girl should have had your FI’s babies. That is completely rude and inappropriate.

Post # 10
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mg1363:Ha, exactly what I mean, too!

Post # 11
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Bubu82: You are so spot on about the babies! How insulting!

Post # 13
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

This is gross. She is gross. His wanting her in the wedding party is gross. His mom is gross. Make her be an usher. That way she’ll have to stand in the back.

Post # 15
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why is “talk” in quotes? Are you afraid that they’re doing something other than talking?

The topic ‘VENT: FI wants a groom’s woman??’ is closed to new replies.

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