(Closed) VENT: FI will not agree on anything. LONG

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Would his parents be amenable to throwing a similar party later in the year, for your wedding? You could have fireworks, and family and a ceremony in a nice, cheap location (their backyard) mayeb once he gets a job. Hopefully by this fall, so you can till do the outdoors thing.

Post # 5
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Of he gets a new job wouldn’t that likely ruin all plans for a honeymoon? I mean you can’t start a new job and then take time off right after. Maybe this might motivate him? I know how you both are feeling right now. My FH lost his job last year and is still looking and getting frustrated. I know how upset he is about this but he also understands that life still goes on and the wedding is part of it.

Post # 6
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

it kind of seems like he is making a bunch of excuses.  maybe try to talk to him and see if there’s some other issue he’s having?

Post # 8
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Iwould have to reapproach the conversation n the following way:

“honey, I love you, and I’m so happy you proposed because I think we are a great team. However finding a job in this market is very difficult and can take awhile, so, in the mean time, I would like to make sure you have health insurance because, god forbid something happens to your health, I’d like us to be covered. In order for that to happen, we need to be married. You have two choices: your parents 4th of July BBQ or we elope next weekend. It’s your call, but you have to choose one. If you don’t want to choose one of those, we need to have an honest discussion about expectations and a timeline because I’m afraid you are dragging your feet.”

Along with health insurance, I would bring up the the issue of what happens to the house if one of you die, medical decisions, etc. Men are practical and tend to respond to that stuff. Then, if that doesn’t work, I’d pull way back and follow Mr. Bee’s plan. 

Are you sure he wants to get married? Do you think he proposed without intentions of following through? Is there the possibility that he is using you for security? These are questions you need him to answer.

Post # 9
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’m currently unemployed, and marriage is “for better or for worse, richer or for poorer.” 

Most likely, this will not be the last time either of you are unemployed, unfortunately (spoken from one who’s been laid off four times in 20+ years.) I can see his point- it really bothers me that I’m not going to be “pulling my weight” at first, and he’ll be contributing more to the household expenses. But being unemployed isn’t terminal- it’s a temporary condition.

 

Post # 11
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

No advice, but here’s a ((hug)).

I just don’t get guys sometimes.  The ones who won’t propose because they can’t afford a ring.  The ones who won’t get married because they can’t afford a big wedding.  Or because they don’t have a job right now.  How is not having a job now and getting married any different than having already been married for 5 years and losing your job then?

@kerensa:  I don’t know if they could still do fireworks if their wedding isn’t on July 4.  Where I live, fireworks are illegal, but the police look the other way if you’re shooting them off on July 4 or New Year’s Eve (unless someone gets injured).  The rest of the time, there’d be some trouble.

The topic ‘VENT: FI will not agree on anything. LONG’ is closed to new replies.

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