Post # 1
FI’s siblings have been causing so much drama about our wedding celebration dinner. We’ve got a really nice dinner cruise planned, great food, open bar, wedding cake, photographer, music, etc. We’ve invited mostly family and a few friends with a total guest count of 45. We did not extend plus ones to either of our siblings except for FI’s little brother who is engaged and living with his SO. The rest of our siblings have either been single or in and out of relationships every other week. Well yesterday FI’s older brother informed us he would not be coming to our wedding celebration because his new (ex) girlfriend wasn’t invited. He also went on to say our marriage was stupid and he doesn’t support us. This coming from the guy who just got back together with a meth addict Girlfriend that he hid from the law with until she abandoned him in the middle of nowhere during a blizzard with no phone, money, or belongings. They had been broken up since December but just got back together last week.
Future Sister-In-Law has been nagging us about bringing a date as well. Two weeks ago she wanted to bring the father of her child. She kept going on about how they will be getting married and buying a house soon and how they will be together forever (she gets back together with this guy every other week). Fiance politely explained to her that no he could not come, our guest list was made and there is no more room for extra people on the dinner cruise. Now yesterday after she found out Future Brother-In-Law wasn’t coming, she again tried asking Fiance if she could bring her new Boyfriend or Best Friend (that she just started dating a few days ago) since there was an open space on the boat. Fiance explained to her that he wasn’t changing the rules for one person. She argued with Fiance for a good hour about how her new Boyfriend or Best Friend and Fiance used to be friends in college and he should be able to come since there was room but Fiance stood his ground. Future Sister-In-Law eventually gave in and said she understood.
To top off the drama, Future Sister-In-Law has decided to wear a white, low cut, strapless dress for our dinner cruise even though she’s fully aware I will be wearing a wedding dress. Future Mother-In-Law told her it was inappropriate (cut and color of the dress) and Future Sister-In-Law had a fit. Fiance even offered to give her money to go buy something else since she said she couldn’t afford to buy another dress, but she refused and said she was wearing the dress she bought. We finally just suggested she wear a colored cardigan or something over but she again refused. I know we can’t control what guests wear to our wedding reception, but seriously. Don’t wear white if you know the bride is wearing it.
I’m just annoyed with those two this week. None of our other siblings have asked about bringing dates or causing drama. Fiance and I agreed that his brother not coming will be for the best because he doesn’t get along with the rest of the family anyway and would probably start a fight during dinner. But Future Sister-In-Law I’m just at a loss with. I guess I’m just venting and wondering if anyone else has had to deal with similar issues with in-laws or siblings.
Post # 2
Lakeside003: Don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding. Period.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. I’m not at the stage where I have to deal with sibling issues yet, but honestly, if they were behaving so horribly, I would go as far as cancelling their invitation. Sounds like Future Sister-In-Law has no intention of being supportive or considerate of you, her brother, or your special day, so why should she have any right to be there? I’m a strong supporter of not alienating family by excluding them from special events, but at this point, it sounds like she’s trying really hard to get herself uninvited.
For reference, something similar happened when my Future Sister-In-Law was planning her wedding. She only extended +1s to her brothers, both of whom were/are in long-term relationships, and her aunt and two cousins freaked out that they couldn’t bring any of their SOs (with whom they had crazy, turbulent, and completely unstable and unhealthy relationships) and they did not attend for that reason.
Post # 3
Maybe one of your BMs can conveniently trip and spill some red wine on her dress prior to the ceremony…
Problem solved! 😉
Post # 4
Too bad Future Sister-In-Law isn’t the one refusing to come.
Post # 5
Ugh. How frustrating. Sounds like you are staying cool and classy though so props to you!
my FStSil (future step sister in law) decided to boycott our wedding because my fiancé and I didn’t invite her (on again off again, illegal immigrant, still married to someone else!) boyfriend’a FOUR kids (that I’ve never met, and whose mother has primary custody anyway) to a decidedly no-kids wedding. We allowed our siblings (including step siblings) to bring their biological children as well as members of the wedding party and a few cousins with babies traveling from out of state. Now FStSIL is whipping FSMIL (future step mother in law) and Future Father-In-Law into a holy frenzy about how she is being persecuted. Rules are rules though, we made them and we’re sticking by them! We reached out to FStSIL to smooth things over but she has not taken our calls.
Ah well, more cake for the people who are actually there to celebrate a wedding, and not make someone else’s day all about themselves!
Post # 6
I think you’re SO better off without ANY of them.
You had perfectly good reasons for NO +1s, and if the sibs are going to act like – well, like what they are, it doesn’t become your job to “please” them.
Sometimes part of your job as bride/new family member is learning to ignore and rise above.this is one of those times.
Post # 7
nowyouareaghost: lol you little devil you – I love it!!!!
OP, if you can’t guarantee one of your BM’s will follow through with his minor ‘clothing alteration’ on the night I would ask Fiance to try again with Future Sister-In-Law and explain how disrespectful it is to you and him. If she still wont budge I’d have him prepped to tell her that if she can’t be respectful and wear something different (purchased with funds from you both) well then you’d prefer it if she stayed home.
Post # 8
sleepydoc29: I am absolutely on your side, but it is not a “decidedly no-kids wedding” if siblings’ children, wedding party’s children and travelling guests’ children are coming . Just saying. because that what she he will say too.
I wouldn’t use the’ no-kids’ argument to her, but rather the reasonble ‘ no one I don’t know at my wedding’ one instead.
As for the dress issue , my god what a pain that is . I’m with the Red Wine Solution myself.