(Closed) Vent: Friend is Holding Out on Info!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmmm, my thought is that maybe she’s not a big fan of her job and she’s not comfortable helping friends out in her line of work? Sort of a cop out answer, but I kind of know how she feels.

I work for a large cable company who will remain nameless. I’m afraid to tell people that, b/c the minute I do, I get bombarded with how crappy my company is and how we’re worthless and how they’re switching to the “other guys” instead of us. Great…sorry you’re unhappy, but I work in HR…I can’t help you with your cable.

So maybe it’s the same thing here? Maybe people are asking her questions and seeing if they can get a deal from her, and she just doesn’t want to deal with that stuff anymore? She just might feel pressure to offer something at a price she’s not comfortable with, or, she’s not as confident in herself to give you the best advice. It might be a combination of those things…

Post # 4
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would also offer her at least a small fee for her help, and see if that loosens her lips.  Maybe she DOESN’T want you getting engaged before her, or maybe she feels like a lot of doctor’s must feel when their friends constantly ask them for free advice.  Or both.

Good luck…you should see about having some of the gems added to your ring.  It would be really unique and special.  Just a thought! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with Miss Apricot about the doctors part.  I’m a lawyer and you have no idea how often people I know expect me to just drop everything and spend hours and hours helping them with their legal problems for free.  It’s quiet irritating.  You friend might be in the same position.  

If I were you I’d see if I could just trade those gems in at the Jewelry store where you intend to buy your ring.  This might not work at big mall stores but definitely at smaller privately owned stores and your local jewelry district.  Just make sure you know the true value of the gems so you don’t get taken advantage of.

Post # 6
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

Personally, if i were your friend, I would feel really shady and sketchy about selling souverneirs from a MISSIONS trip (I’m guessing religious affiliation?) for profit.

Post # 7
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Why not pay a jeweler to put your new gemstones in a setting to use as your ring, instead of bartering them off. I agree with the previous poster that thinks it’s a little sketch selling these things.

Post # 9
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I didn’t mean to imply she shouldn’t help you, I just meant she may be uncomfortable helping you for free, but it can also be hard to bring up payment with friends.  I would try talking to her and see if you can at least get her to open up about WHY she doesn’t want to help you, and again, I would offer her at least a small fee for her help and advice.  It’s would be only fair to give her a small amount of the money you make if she does the legwork to net you guys a tidy little profit.  If she won’t help you, will the place you had them appraised be able to help you, or at least point you in the right direction of where you could take them?

Post # 10
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

P.S. Meowkers, my neighbor’s dog barks all the time and roams the neighborhood pooping in people’s yards…what can I legally do to fix this situation?  (KIDDING, of course!!!! Wink)

Post # 11
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I highly doubt that if this is one your best friends, she’s withholding information to keep you from getting engaged.  She may just be uncomfortable using her job for a friend.  I have a friend who works for Tiffany, for instance, and she is very strict with her friends about getting them discounts/info, because if she were to help out too much she would lose her job.

She may be willing to point you to someone who can help out though—- perhaps try phrasing it that way?

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think what people are getting at with the “missions trip” thing is you’re supposed to be going on missions in order to help people, but then you buy gemstones from a known blood market (Africa), therefore you are somehow making the purchase of said stones morally wrong.  I don’t agree with that at all, but that’s what I think they’re saying.  Whatever.

Maybe your friend is uncomfortable being part of a business transaction?  I’m not one to mix business and friendship either.  I never lend money or advice for business type stuff, I just feel that if anything goes wrong it may sour the relationship.

Since you’ve had the gems appraised, you know the value, you could try selling them online (there are several online gemstone e-bay type sites, which of course I don’t have the links to at work, UGH).  Try googling for loose gemstones to find them.  OR you could go to a local jeweler to sell them, or trade them like someone else suggested.  Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Miss Apricot: HAHAHA  i seriously get asked those type of questions at least every other day.  Right now I’m helping my friend’s mom with a claim she’s presenting to a store she was “injured” in.  For free only because she’s such a good friend.  Her claim is worth MAYBE $250 at most.  I’ve already spent about 2 hours talking to her, meeting with her and going over her documents.  I’ll spend maybe another 2 hours on it……..I normally charge approximately $300 an hour.   yeeaaaah.  I’m not bitter or irritated at all, (insert sarcastic voice here).

Post # 14
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

Is this friend a jeweler herself, or does she work for someone or does she “know someone who knows someone”? I’m just trying to get a guage of what kind of information and access she has to offer.

Regardless of the status of the stones as real/conflict-free (althought I’m not sure if you meant that you have certification that they are conflict-free or only that they’re real), she may not want to get involved for reasons and relationships of her own–business and personal. Should she have to do something that may be detrimental to her relationships or career?

Almost everyone has been in a position where their boss/friend/family member in a business didn’t want them bringing in cases for them to review. Almost everyone has been asked to “vouch” for someone and it somehow bit them in the rear. Sometimes it really is best for a person to take on a policy of not getting involved and that may be what your friend has done.

I’m sure there is more to this, but with the info you’ve provided this is what came to mind.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

one word.the internet. do some general research to point u guys in the right step. once u have gathered the info bring it to ur friend again. if not try to find sombody else who will help. best of luck

Post # 16
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Not every gem market in Africa is “blood.”  Some areas have been improved.

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