(Closed) Vent: Frustrated with FI over honeymoon/planning.

posted 8 years ago in Honeymoons
Post # 3
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, and I totally understand your frustration.  That being said, I gave up on my Fiance helping with the planning at. all.  And here’s why–guys have a very different idea of when things need to happen than we do.  Very VERY different.  I’m betting that to him, he hadn’t let you down at all, he just hadn’t done it yet.  And in HIS mind….that was okay, because, hey!  The wedding hasn’t happened yet!  So he’s still got time!  You know?  So, for example: my Fiance has offered to make the centerpieces.  Awesome!  And, he’s off next week, so I suggested that he do them then.  Perfect!  Except.  No.  He says he doesn’t want to do them next week, because it’s too early, there’s soooo much time between now and the wedding, and he’ll just do them during the two weeks he’s off before the wedding.  This, of course, makes me super nervous, because I want them done WELL before then, but we just have two totally different ideas of a reasonable timeline.  And if I had ever asked him to do something like call a vendor, he definitely would have done it eventually, but certainly not as promptly as I wanted him too.  He just wouldn’t have seen the rush.  So perhaps that’s what happening with your FI?  Maybe he has every intention of doing what you’re asking him to do, he just isn’t doing it on the timeline you’d prefer?  I don’t know….just a thought.  And if that’s the case, then you can just talk to him and make it really really clear that these tasks have a due date!  

Post # 4
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

mrsmd you explained it very clearly.

My FH is exactly the same, and its frustrating as hell. I just tell him straight. If you dont book it now we will miss out and I will be pissed. That usually does it. πŸ™‚ hed rather me be a happy bride to be than an annoyed one. Also I tell him whats going on at the start of the month and our checklist. He now asks at the start of the week what Ive got going on and we work it out. Buts its only been after 3 months of hell with him and I being frustrated with each other because we werent communicating effectively. Sitting down and discussing our frustrations helped alot!

Post # 5
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This sounds very much like me and Fiance.  In fact, I flat out got in a fight with him about it about three weeks ago.  It turns out when he finally started talking to me about it that he didn’t want to go on a beach vacation–he didn’t want to spend so much $$$ on what he considered a generic experience.  Basically, he just hadn’t told me that he didn’t really like my ideas and that was why he was dragging his feet.  A couple of weeks ago we sat down and brainstormed together about what type of honeymoon he wanted to go on and after some negotiation we settled on something completely different.  Maybe your Fiance is similar to mine? Maybe have a conversation about what he wants to get out of your honeymoon.  Is it also possible that he is more reluctant about the budget than you initially thought?

As for other stuff, I just don’t really expect Fiance to get interested.  He has a busy job, he supports me when I have conflicts with out parents or vendors and he is active in our marriage prep at church.  I think so long as he’s supporting you and you enjoy the planning, it’s ok if guys aren’t as involved.  If you are stressed and don’t want to do certain things for the wedding, you should sit down and talk about why you need him to chip in.

Post # 6
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It literally took years for my husband to learn how to book a trip.  And then only after a few world class fights- but he does okay now.  If it’s an important trip, I supervise… even now, because it’s me who will be PO’d and it will ruin the trip.  I don’t know if you are staying in the US or wanted to go to the Caribbean… but if you’re looking for unbooked, use Expedia and block something off.  Key West is affordable and romantic.  Mustang Island off Corpus is secluded and pristinc.  Destin… wow, beautiful.  Bet cha they still have something good.  Montserrat is super secluded (volcano still erupting) but you can get a whole house there for 1K (excluding air fare) and a beach to yourself on the North side of the island. 

Post # 7
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

To be frank, I would not let this fly. Not at all. I’m getting married, not giving birth. I don’t put up with that BS. It sets a precedent every time you let a guy get away with being a lazy, inconsiderate ass. And that’s what he is doing. It isn’t about the wedding, it is about growing the heck up.

Post # 9
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@ Rocktsrgn

Well, that’s good! Sorry I went on a little rant. Can you tell this a pet-peave? Wink

If it is isolated, I think a simple conversation is fine. Just let him know that some of the things you love about him are that he is responsible and caring and considerate, so this feels out of character to you. Sometimes we drag our feet on certain tasks when we normally wouldn’t, maybe this is just his area.

Again, sorry about the rant. Embarassed

Post # 10
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

make a calendar of what needs to get done each week and who will do it.  review it every Sunday so that each of you know exactly what you have to do that week.  That’s the only way you’ll be able to get any help with the planning from here on out.

You can’t really fix what he did wrong in the past, but you can help him learn how to help you out now for the future!

Post # 12
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

Here’s a very ‘advicey’ response from an outsider view. If it helps-great, if not ignore it. πŸ™‚

Seek to clarify his hesitation (you’re learning each other) in doing the job he agreed to.

Reassure your partnership and wanting to resolve this and forgive with your feelings of frustration.

Give him options to take action steps…i.e: let me do this part now, you can choose x,y,z  for the honeymoon or….get specifically this part done by Monday.

Sorry, because you are the most frustrated …you are the one to take the initiative (and do the brainwork) to get this resolved even if he’s the cause of it!

This is the training ground…it’s only the beginning!!!

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