(Closed) [Vent] Frustrations of dating while black

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
glitterati :   I could flag that but I won’t. IVe given OP my honest and well meaning opinion, she can take it or leave it. And NOWHERE did I say to dumb herself down for a man, as some are implying.

I didn’t say men wouldn’t be attracted to her intellect, I said they wouldn’t be attracted by the professional qualifications her intellect had brought her. Not that they couldn’t respect or like her for her intelligence or ability to learn. People aren’t reading what I’m actually writing and are just misrepresenting what I’ve actually said.

Whether you think I’m right or wrong it’s obvious that this idea is very triggering to some bees here, however a quick google search will show you it’s far from an uncommon point of view.

Post # 33
Member
6161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
oranges007 :  how are your dating standards? Maybe they need to be higher? One of my girlfriends made sure to state in her profile that she wanted a man with a university degree, who lived on his own, no children (personal choice), and who was marriage minded. She got far fewer replies and it took longer to find her husband but it weeded the losers out. 

Post # 34
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

View original reply
Brideordie :  Yes…because everything on the internet is indicative of reality…

Post # 35
Member
10553 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Brideordie :  I can say in my experience my husband was initially attracted to me because I “had my shit together” as opposed to most of the girls that were pursuing him. You can have twenty girls that are beautiful and feminine and sweet but they have to have something that sets them apart. In my case, the women pursuing my husband were posting nudes on SnapChat in between their shift at Starbucks and going to the bar that night. I was working in scientific research and working on my career. He wanted marriage and a family and didn’t want to take anymore hood rats home to his grandmother after the last twenty. 

And of course my big tits helped.

OP, please start your dating profiles off with DEBT FREE!! OWN CAR OUTRIGHT!! 🤣

Post # 36
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lifeisbeeutiful :  lol there are no real “dating experts”, it’s not a science. However if many people make the same observation there’s probably a least a kernel of truth to it.

Post # 37
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
slomotion :  But doesn’t the fact you weren’t (to his knowledge) posting nudes and doing jack sack shots on the reg mean you actually won out on the feminine and sweet front? Lol.

Post # 38
Member
6161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
Brideordie :  If there are no real dating experts and it’s not a science,  who is writing these Google articles and making the YouTube videos you speak of?

Post # 39
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
oranges007 :  well you lthought having paid your car off was important enough to list when you were giving information about yourself to us so I don’t think it was totally unreasonable to make that leap.

Post # 40
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lifeisbeeutiful :  Whoever has the time and inclination to share their opinion I guess. But if enough men are saying The things I’ve written are how they feel (and they seem to be from what I’ve read) maybe we should listen, not pretend they don’t feel that way because we want to think differently. Srsly why is this getting pp so mad?

Post # 41
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

View original reply
Brideordie :  The men who are writing those pieces of crap are NOT the men any of us (should) want to be with… There is absolutely NO value in “listening” to them. Other than to laugh at because there is some true comedy gold out there.

If a dude feels emasculated by the fact that I listed having a masters degree and speaking 2 languages on my dating profile, GOOD. Fuck ‘im. 

Post # 42
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Brideordie :  

I think I get what you’re saying, Bee.  Meeting a dating prospect is a time to lead with your personality, not post a resume.

”Well educated” gets the job done and is more intriguing than listening 15 degrees, as does “have traveled to many exotic and fascinating places.”

Who wouldn’t want to know more?

The fine details reveal themselves over time.

It does suck that so many people still have such stupid ideas about race.  It does, unfortunately, make for a smaller dating pool. But, we could swap out the word race for *weight* and get a pretty similar outcome.  People have their inherent biases.

I am in no way minimizing the suffering experienced by POC or making a direct comparison to people who are overweight outside of this very narrow context.  Though I will expand it a little to include employment and even some academic admissions situations.

But, I’m pretty sure no one’s lawn was ever set on fire because they were overweight.

Post # 43
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
sassy411 :  Thankyou. Maybe I wasn’t expressing it that well but I really didn’t think what I was saying was that offensive or stupid, even if you don’t totally agree.

Post # 44
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re having this experience OP. It definitely sucks. I can’t relate in terms of race, but I’m a Muslim who wears a headscarf. A ton of Muslim guys do not want a woman who wears a head scarf. So it would really suck when I’d like the profile of a guy, and the response would be that they are looking for a non-Hijabi and they didn’t bother to look into anything else about me. It did work out in the long run and I found my now husband! But me wearing a scarf definitely limited my pool of suitors, which is annoying as hell and I was definitely frustrated at times. So I don’t really have advice, but can commiserate with you! Good luck 🙂 

Post # 45
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
chelbell23 :  Its the way it’s written in the profiles tho. For instance if a man wrote a profile that said – Im passionate about my work as a lawyer, I enjoy keeping fit and walking my dog, it would sound less pretentious and obnoxious than – Harvard Educated lawyer at a top firm, holder of 5 pbs in CrossFit and owner of a fully paid for canine, wouldn’t it lol? 

Some profiles really do come off as a resume and I think that’s really off putting, but especially to men.

The topic ‘[Vent] Frustrations of dating while black’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors