Post # 47
Whoa, settle down. Shes planning a wedding without any help from your brother, she has 3 weeks to go. She’s obviously crazy busy and gets sidetracked. My brother and I have been trying to catch up with a phone chat for the past week, he calls when I can’t talk, or I like today, said I’ll call you back and ended up falling asleep. Shit happens. Calm down and give her a break.
Parking and photos will be sorted out. It’s not a life and death situation.
Post # 48
@violet25: You say that your Future Sister-In-Law is “blatantly ignoring” your mum’s messages, but you said earlier she sent an email saying she would be in touch? There could be a lot of perfectly innocent explanations for this
- She genuinely forgot to call your mum when she said she would
- She feels uncomfortable on the phone (I do, so I’ll put off calling anyone as long as I possibly can!)
- She hasn’t hashed out all the details yet (my brother and Future Sister-In-Law didn’t finalise the seating plan until three days before the wedding, and I didn’t know a timeline for the day until about 6pm the night before – and I was a bridesmaid!)
- She doesn’t think these are important details. I mean, seriously, getting upset about parking and picture times three weeks before the wedding??
- You mentioned your brother has a less-than-ideal relationship with your family. Is it possible he’s been pressuring her to distance herself from your family because he doesn’t want you/your mum involved in his wedding?? My brother did something similar with my Future Sister-In-Law, because he wasn’t all that close to my mum for a while there
I understand you’re upset about this, you have every right to feel annoyed at the situation, but your mother has told you that you don’t need to be involved and, honestly, how vital is it that you find out these things now? Chances are she’ll sort it on her own and, if she doesn’t, it’s not like it will reflect badly on you.
Post # 49
Could she still be upset about the prenup issue? Some people hold grudges against stuff like that which could explain her behavior.
Post # 50
Just some clarification for everyone:
Future Sister-In-Law is planning the wedding with her entire family–mother, aunts, uncles, cousins, and not to mention a wedding planner and 4 bridesmaids who are helping her every step of the way. My brother just is not into wedding planning, so the only thing he planned was the honeymoon. And he is perfectly happy with Future Sister-In-Law taking the lead on the rest of the planning–if she asks him for help then he does chip in, but she has found it easier (based on what she told me) to just do things herself, along with her close family and friends. So trust me, she has an abundance of help in that area.
As for my brothe no longer being close to us, that is only because he has NEVER been a great communicator and now that he has moved to another city, we barely even hear from him. So, it’s mostly a matter of physical distance and the fact that my brother just is not the type of person to chat on the phone. He is pretty responsive by email, so I think that is our best best in terms of getting information–both from him and Future Sister-In-Law.
And the only reason my mother has been involved is because Future Sister-In-Law would call her up, ask to come over to discuss X about the wedding and other details. She would constantly ask my mom for info, etc. So it’s not like my mom was pursuing her. And my mom is the one who told Future Sister-In-Law that it’s her wedding so she shouldn’t worry about my mom’s opinion on things like venue, flowers, colors, etc. So you see, she gave her plenty of room. But my mom did tell her specifically that she did have some questions she needed answered because guests have been wondering, and Future Sister-In-Law repeatedly said she would tell her–but she has just dropped off the face of the Earth.
I don’t think it’s asking to much for Future Sister-In-Law to be more considerate of my mom by returning her phone call–which by the way she has yet to do and it has been over two weeks.
Post # 51
@violet25: Ok, I agree that your mum doesn’t sound like she’s dictating the details 🙂 I also agree Future Sister-In-Law would do better to stay in proper contact with your mum and answer her questions. However, you have to give her the benefit of the doubt. I got a cheque from FI’s aunt 3 days ago. At first I wanted to say thank you with a proper thank you card. I went out to get one the next day…couldn’t find a decent one so thought I’d try the card shop the next day…closed….it took me till today to text her a thank you with the promise a card will follow….see what I mean? Good intentions can go way awry when you have a lot going on. Give her a chance to get her head screwed on, then call her up and ask her exactly when she thinks she’s going to be able to get in touch with your mum.
Post # 52
It sounds like you’re not going to be able to control the outcome, regadless, so I would just let it go at this time for your own sanity. Seriously.
Post # 53
@eloping: I would say THIS!!!!!!
If my FIL’s were calling me for details details details 3 weeks before my wedding I would start ignoring them too….AND regardelss if my Fiance is “not close to” his family anymore HE would be the one dealing with it
Post # 54
OP I totally agree with you…her behavior is rude. PERIOD. I don’t care what questions your mother has…if your mother wants to know what side of the plate her salad will be on she has a right to know…WHY? Because the minute your brother and Future Sister-In-Law agreed that your parents would foot the entire bill for their wedding is the minute they obligated themselves to doing whatever your parents request of them (within limitations of course), but the LEAST of which is to return a damn phone call.
Post # 55
I dont actually see that info abotu pictures and seating are really needed before the wedding – dont most people (even family) just turn up, look and the seating chart and go over for pics when the photographer calls them?
as for parking – is theren ot a venue website you can look at? or google it? I do think its a bit rude not to reply, but is it possible that she doesn’t have the answer yet? i know in the past ive been known to delay calling back someone as i simply dont have the answer to the question right that minute