(Closed) VENT! Going crazy / FMIL and her old chinese tradition of lucky hours!!!

posted 13 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Kind of sneaky, but I would go to the fortuneteller with my birthday and find out the lucky days.  If the days sound good to you, give the information to Future Mother-In-Law.  You get to be a good daughter and get what you want.  Maybe by then, she will have put aside the time issue.

Of course, if the days don’t work for you, I guess you’ll need to come up with a different plan.

Post # 4
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Wow!  That sounds like a really stressful situation to deal with; I want to pull my hair out for you!  I always say "wedding are about families"… but I guess I’m naive – it is easy to say that when you are from a culture that doesn’t have multiple ceremonies and lucky days and hours!  Try to take sollace that this will be a funny story in a few years?!  Good luck

Post # 6
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

My parents are making me pray to my ancestors on the designated lucky day before my wedding since I will be starting in the hotel and have no intention of running between two houses.  The are also making me go to the temple to request permission for my marriage…although we’re getting married regardless.  But I’m sure if you could agree on a mutual day with your Future Mother-In-Law for a tea ceremony where you guys would be somewhat dressed up for and go through the motions, it may work.  And from personal experience….don’t give her your Western Calendar birthday either as there is a way to calculate it backwards! 

Best of luck, I know what you’re going through!

Post # 7
44 posts
  • Wedding: June 2008

Hi Stressgirl — hang in there, I swear this will be a very funny story years later.  Your Future Mother-In-Law might be driving you crazy, but at least it’s done out of love, right? 😉

But anyways, I think you’d be totally ok in doing in tea ceremony the day before.  Actually, I think that’d be a lot better since you won’t be so stressed out the day-of.  A lot of my Korean & Chinese friends did their "traditional" activities the day before too, and it all worked out well.

Good luck!

Post # 8
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Mrs. Plum did that, she had a tea ceremony the day before her western wedding…and to think of it, I think another bee did the same.  As long as it is okay with everyone, have them on multiple days.  I would too, but fiance doesn’t want to have two ceremonies, so we’re only going to have the tea ceremony (he’s mexican).

Post # 9
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Hi Stressgirl,

 Take a deep breath! ****in**** *****out*****  better?   I think having the tea ceremony they day before/after (I’ve heard of both before!) is an excellent idea and will help reduce the stress. 🙂 Goodluck with the planning!!

Post # 10
35 posts

because of our long engagement, we had to wait over a yr to get our lucky day.  we knew we had to book a venue and cant wait for the date.  so we just randomly picked a date.  my lucky day is april…we’re doing city hall on that day n getting married in june…as long as the parents are okay with it because that satisfy the superstitions…legal marriage on the lucky day.

Post # 11
25 posts
  • Wedding: November 2007

i feel for you stressgirl… when i was planning my wedding, my mil had sooo many days that we could not get married and she also insisted that we had to get married after my husband’s birthday (which was about 10 months aways from when we had gotten engaged), but within a year. with only about a 2 month window, it was very difficult finding a church and a reception location available on the exact days that were considered to be "good days". anyhow, we did it, and although it was stressful at the time, i knew that i wanted to follow her wishes so she could not use it against me in the future =) now we’re facing "good years" to have babies… it never ends =(

Post # 12
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I hear ya!  I’m also in a similar boat.  We’re actually have 2 weddings – 1 in Michigan and  1 in Boston. The one in Michigan is just a Tea ceremony on the Saturday with just his family (since my family is not allowed at the ceremony – tradition) and then just an American buffet reception on Sunday.  We actually have to do our Tea ceremony between 1-3pm.   In Boston, we’re doing a wedding ceremony(gown and everything) and a Chinese banquet where we’ll do the tea ceremony for my family.  

I say go for the Tea Ceremony the day before! You’ll won’t have to run around change and do all that crazy stuff. It’ll be less stressful at least that’s what I’m hoping for. 

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