Post # 1
I have a really good friend of 10+ years that I asked to be a groomsman in my October wedding. Just so happens that this groomsman is getting married this month. Well, I guess he felt he should work on building a friendship with my fiance, so he invited him to his bachelor party. My fiance went and was even the Dirty Delete for the night. The next day I asked my honey if he got to meet groomsman’s brother and he said he met both of them, then described one exactly right, but described the other one completely wrong. I had a feeling who this other “brother” was, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. The next day I asked groomsman who this “brother” of his was and he played dumb for a little while, so I came right out and asked if it was my ex. He said yes. Needless to say, I was pissed that my friend of so many years would think its ok to invite my ex and fiance to the same event without a head’s up or something and try to be so sneaky about it. I knew groomsman was friend’s with my ex, but COME ON!!!
THEN groomsman’s fiancee sent me a text about their wedding being around the corner, he doesn’t need this stress, and he shouldn’t have to deal with this drama because he was just trying to be a good friend. He caused the friggin’ drama by being shady!….good friend me @ss! I replied to her “I hope your wedding turns out perfect. Please remove fiance and I from your guest list. We will not be attending.”
Post # 3
I think this is a massive overreaction. This is your friend. Someone you consider close enough to be a groomsman. Why would you want to ruin a friendship over this?
You said you KNEW they were friends prior to this. So why exactly is he not allowed to invite his friend (one that also seems close to him) to his bachelor party. From what you posted it doesn’t sound like your ex was being hostile to your Fiance, telling massive sex stories about you, or publicly berating you so I don’t see the problem with them being at the same party. I doubt your Fiance is now going out with this guy every night for drinks or anything.
Sorry if this is harsh, but really this isn’t worth ruining a friendship over. You may be a close friend of his, but you aren’t his only friend and can’t really dictate who he hangs out with or who he invites to his bachelor party.
Post # 4
To be honest, I think you over-reacted. I don’t understand why it would be a big deal if your ex is friends with your friend and was invited to his bach party along with your Fiance. And I don’t understand why you think you should be given a heads up as to who is on his guest list for his bach party.
I wouldn’t have a problem if my husband went to a party that my ex-husband was attending. I’m not a part of my ex’s life any more, so where he goes and who he’s friends with doesn’t have anything to do with me. If he is still friends with people I’m still friends with, that’s between him and the people he’s friends with. I can’t dictate who my friends are friends with.
Post # 5
you dont have the right to dictate who someone parties with BUT i would be pissed that my unsuspecting Fiance was introduced to a man that was my ex and didnt know he was my ex
i do think you reacted too quickly, you should have discussed this with your Fiance before you made any decisions
Post # 6
what justifies him lying to my fiance about it? all of groomsman’s friend’s knew what was going on except for my fiance. groomsman’s action put me in the position of having to decide if i tell my fiance what i figured out or keep it from him so he doesn’t feel awkward at his own wedding. i chose my fiance. of course this is not the 1st time groosman has done something shady to me before.
Post # 7
Absolutely agreed. Major over-reaction.
Fair enough, it wasn’t nice of him to lie to your Fiance about that guy being his brother when he was actually your ex. That was his error. But it isn’t a huge error. He shouldn’t have to give you or anyone a heads up if it’s party and everyone knows he is friends with your ex. And also, why is your ex and your Fiance meeting even a problem? One of them you are MARRYING, the other is history. There shouldn’t be any problems there really because at the end of the day your Fiance is the only one you’re going to spend your life with.
To lose a friend this way is really hurtful to him, as well as to yourself, and your friend’s Fiance is right, he is about to get married and he doesn’t need this stress. Hopefully you can take a step back and realise that whilst he hurt your feeling by telling a white lie to your Fiance, he actually didn’t do anything hugely terrible to your Fiance or to you and there is no reason to veto his wedding day. If I were you, I would apologise, explain BRIEFLY why you were upset about the lie but also explain that you see now you over-reacted and say you’d be honoured to still witness his special day but you understand if you have blown it now.
Post # 8
In answer to your question, nothing justifies him lying. It was a bad call. But it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. You could have just told him how uncomfortable it made you feel and never to do that again. He might not have thought it through. And, for his party, it may have seemed like the easiest and simplest way to guarantee his party would be stress-free with no drama breaking out between your ex and your Fiance. Granted, there may have been no drama and he may have made a stupid decision to lie but it was just stupid. Not the biggest deal ever. Not worthy of this reaction.
Post # 9
The way I see it, he was lying to prevent any awkwardness between your Fiance and your ex. You were friends withi this guy for 10+ years, and then you let them know via TEXT that you aren’t going to his wedding? That’s pretty rude In My Humble Opinion.
Post # 10
@NeileeB: Uh who cares? He can be friends with whoever he wants. They probably didnt even talk about you…what are you so worked up about?
Post # 11
SOOOO, I’m confused about why you’re THAT ticked off. That he lied about who your ex was? That was childish as hell and I agree that it was wrong, but so was your reaction. Even if you told your fiance now what happened he likely wouldn’t be as worked up but for the fact that you are heated and now everyone else is, too. You already know your Groomsmen and your ex were friends, so why wouldn’t he be there and why wouldn’t you expect it?! If you and your Groomsmen are good friends, then you could’ve asked as easily as he could’ve disclosed.
I usually am the first to say that if something upsets you, then who am I to judge, but this is crazy. You just amped up what was a 4 to a complete and total 10 for no reason.
Post # 12
Wow, a major over reaction. Call and apologize ASAP.
Post # 13
so much for simply venting. guess i will tell the whole story. the day before my fiance went out with groosman, i went out with groosman and friends for drinks and dinner. my fiance was out of town, so he didn’t know what happened on night #1 of the bachelor party. i specifically asked groosman to let me be the one to tell my fiance where we went, what we did. my fiance came back in town at 7:30 am the next day, groomsman called fiance at 8:30 am and told him everything then said “i don’t know why she’s keeping things from you.” i wasn’t even up and showered by then! had no clue that groosman had called fiance. when i spoke to groosmen he said “i slipped up. i know you asked me to let you tell your fiance what we did, but he called me asking where we went.” i asked fiance about it and he got very irritated then showed me that he did not call groomsman, but that groomsman called him. groosman caused plenty of drama that one weekend.
Post # 14
Sorry, I agree with PP. If anyone is going to get that ticked off, it should be your Fiance who was the one that was duped at the bachelor party. I don’t know why this was worth being shady or lying about or anything in the first place, but if your Fiance doesnt care about what happen, then whats the big deal? Have you told your Fiance that was your ex? Does he even care? If he does, he should be the one to talk to your friend anyways. What happen is sort of more between them, than you and him.
That is just odd. What was the big deal about telling your Fiance where you guys went when he wasnt there?? Why did you make it a point to even say that? And good god, why in the world would he call your Fiance just to tell him before you could. I just dont understand why you or him cared that much to be the first to tell your Fiance….
Post # 15
all of groomsman’s friend’s knew what was going on except for my fiance.
if OP was me this is where my anger would be coming from – i would hate for my Fiance to be made out to be the party joke but i would also have spoken to my Fiance about it before going off and cancelling friendships/invites
im usually not a “save the OP” poster but not knowing the history of her and her ex, it could be quite painful for her. she already posted she knew her Groomsmen and ex were friends and she had no problem with that, with hindsight she should have asked if the ex was going when her Fiance agreed to go but hindsight is a beautiful thing after the event
Post # 16
Eloping, you make a good point… It’s super childish that he did that. I get that and I can appreciate being upset about it, but that alone doesn’t justify being so snarky about not going to the wedding when a simple conversation would’ve likely sufficed under normal circumstances. HOWEVER…
OP, after hearing the second part about his calling to start drama with your Fiance it seems like your Groomsmen is being a douche. The extra details certainly make a major difference and it seems like he may be a sh** starter, which is not cool so close to your weddings. I see your POV much clearer.