(Closed) Vent- Groomsman pissed me off

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think this is a massive overreaction. This is your friend. Someone you consider close enough to be a groomsman. Why would you want to ruin a friendship over this?

 

You said you KNEW they were friends prior to this. So why exactly is he not allowed to invite his friend (one that also seems close to him) to his bachelor party. From what you posted it doesn’t sound like your ex was being hostile to your Fiance, telling massive sex stories about you, or publicly berating you so I don’t see the problem with them being at the same party. I doubt your Fiance is now going out with this guy every night for drinks or anything.

 

Sorry if this is harsh, but really this isn’t worth ruining a friendship over. You may be a close friend of his, but you aren’t his only friend and can’t really dictate who he hangs out with or who he invites to his bachelor party.

Post # 4
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

To be honest, I think you over-reacted.  I don’t understand why it would be a big deal if your ex is friends with your friend and was invited to his bach party along with your Fiance.  And I don’t understand why you think you should be given a heads up as to who is on his guest list for his bach party.

I wouldn’t have a problem if my husband went to a party that my ex-husband was attending.  I’m not a part of my ex’s life any more, so where he goes and who he’s friends with doesn’t have anything to do with me. If he is still friends with people I’m still friends with, that’s between him and the people he’s friends with. I can’t dictate who my friends are friends with.

 

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

you dont have the right to dictate who someone parties with BUT i would be pissed that my unsuspecting Fiance was introduced to a man that was my ex and didnt know he was my ex

i do think you reacted too quickly, you should have discussed this with your Fiance before you made any decisions

Post # 7
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

Absolutely agreed. Major over-reaction.

Fair enough, it wasn’t nice of him to lie to your Fiance about that guy being his brother when he was actually your ex. That was his error. But it isn’t a huge error. He shouldn’t have to give you or anyone a heads up if it’s party and everyone knows he is friends with your ex. And also, why is your ex and your Fiance meeting even a problem? One of them you are MARRYING, the other is history. There shouldn’t be any problems there really because at the end of the day your Fiance is the only one you’re going to spend your life with.

To lose a friend this way is really hurtful to him, as well as to yourself, and your friend’s Fiance is right, he is about to get married and he doesn’t need this stress. Hopefully you can take a step back and realise that whilst he hurt your feeling by telling a white lie to your Fiance, he actually didn’t do anything hugely terrible to your Fiance or to you and there is no reason to veto his wedding day. If I were you, I would apologise, explain BRIEFLY why you were upset about the lie but also explain that you see now you over-reacted and say you’d be honoured to still witness his special day but you understand if you have blown it now.

Post # 8
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

In answer to your question, nothing justifies him lying. It was a bad call. But it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. You could have just told him how uncomfortable it made you feel and never to do that again. He might not have thought it through. And, for his party, it may have seemed like the easiest and simplest way to guarantee his party would be stress-free with no drama breaking out between your ex and your Fiance. Granted, there may have been no drama and he may have made a stupid decision to lie but it was just stupid. Not the biggest deal ever. Not worthy of this reaction.

Post # 9
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

The way I see it, he was lying to prevent any awkwardness between your Fiance and your ex. You were friends withi this guy for 10+ years, and then you let them know via TEXT that you aren’t going to his wedding? That’s pretty rude In My Humble Opinion.

Post # 10
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@NeileeB: Uh who cares? He can be friends with whoever he wants. They probably didnt even talk about you…what are you so worked up about?

Post # 11
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

SOOOO, I’m confused about why you’re THAT ticked off. That he lied about who your ex was? That was childish as hell and I agree that it was wrong, but so was your reaction. Even if you told your fiance now what happened he likely wouldn’t be as worked up but for the fact that you are heated and now everyone else is, too. You already know your Groomsmen and your ex were friends, so why wouldn’t he be there and why wouldn’t you expect it?! If you and your Groomsmen are good friends, then you could’ve asked as easily as he could’ve disclosed.

I usually am the first to say that if something upsets you, then who am I to judge, but this is crazy. You just amped up what was a 4 to a complete and total 10 for no reason.

Post # 12
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Wow, a major over reaction. Call and apologize ASAP.

Post # 14
Member
14485 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry, I agree with PP.  If anyone is going to get that ticked off, it should be your Fiance who was the one that was duped at the bachelor party.  I don’t know why this was worth being shady or lying about or anything in the first place, but if your Fiance doesnt care about what happen, then whats the big deal?  Have you told your Fiance that was your ex? Does he even care?  If he does, he should be the one to talk to your friend anyways.  What happen is sort of more between them, than you and him.

That is just odd.  What was the big deal about telling your Fiance where you guys went when he wasnt there??  Why did you make it a point to even say that?  And good god, why in the world would he call your Fiance just to tell him before you could.  I just dont understand why you or him cared that much to be the first to tell your Fiance….

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

all of groomsman’s friend’s knew what was going on except for my fiance.

if OP was me this is where my anger would be coming from – i would hate for my Fiance to be made out to be the party joke but i would also have spoken to my Fiance about it before going off and cancelling friendships/invites

im usually not a “save the OP” poster but not knowing the history of her and her ex, it could be quite painful for her. she already posted she knew her Groomsmen and ex were friends and she had no problem with that, with hindsight she should have asked if the ex was going when her Fiance agreed to go but hindsight is a beautiful thing after the event

Post # 16
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Eloping, you make a good point… It’s super childish that he did that.  I get that and I can appreciate being upset about it, but that alone doesn’t justify being so snarky about not going to the wedding when a simple conversation would’ve likely sufficed under normal circumstances. HOWEVER…

OP, after hearing the second part about his calling to start drama with your Fiance it seems like your Groomsmen is being a douche. The extra details certainly make a major difference and it seems like he may be a sh** starter, which is not cool so close to your weddings.  I see your POV much clearer.

The topic ‘Vent- Groomsman pissed me off’ is closed to new replies.

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