(Closed) Vent: guest won't talk to me but keep inviting people

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If it were me, I would put my foot down and not let him invite anyone. Guests don’t get to invite who they want, especially to a wedding and especially if they are not footing the extra bill.

If he gets annoyed and decides not to come, that might be a silver lining! 

Post # 3
410 posts
Helper bee


I’m not even sure I’ve got this straight, you invited him and his wife and his parents, so 4.

Then he said his wife wasn’t coming, but 5 other people were coming instead, bringing you to 8.

And now he’s asking for another 5? So 13 instead of the original 4.

Sorry if I’m being repetitive, I just cannot even wrap my head around this and need to make sure I’ve got this straight.

You said you were from an Asian culture, is it common for people to add guests (maybe not this much, but at all).

I can’t even believe this guy and that’s without even dealing with the fact he refuses to respond to you directly.

Post # 4
10410 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Guests don’t get their own guestlist. Put your foot down and tell him he can only bring the people YOU invited. If he doesn’t come, honestly it sounds like a blessing!

Post # 5
285 posts
Helper bee

Super rude!  Are you having a Chinese wedding banquet?  That’s like a whole table!  If he is not telling you who is coming I would make the assumption it’s a bunch of freeloaders wanting free food–that might not be the case but he should tell you who is coming.  Maybe ask your parents if it’s normal as they are probably used to your family.  Don’t think my Asian family would do this but who knows.  Also, I am surprised you are saying ok to the 8 but I guess I get it because the 8 people might be family … or freeloaders!

Post # 8
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Maybe your culture is different but this guy has some brass ones to assume he could invite so many more people. He would get a firm “no way Jose” from me

Post # 10
380 posts
Helper bee

I’d say no, and that’s it. Have DH and/or parents behind me (metaforically) to support me.

I did a Mexican traditional wedding, and for my IL’s this meant inviting EVERYONE. They were also planning on having a family get-together with all extended relatives. My Mother-In-Law actually did this for my bridal shower, and it turned out horrible. I knew less than 5% of the people there, and most where her extended relatives whom did nothing but talk between them during all the event (only one of them approached me).

For my wedding, Father-In-Law was pushing that we allowed them to invite around 20+ people. We had already given them 10 invitations to use at their discretion, but they wanted more. They wanted to invite relatives they hadn’t seen in years! I said no, not because of money or venue capacity (we are already at its maximun), but because I refused to get married surrounded by people I hardly knew -and pay for people who clearly didn’t care about me. I think I did right (despite the fact that DH had to constantly deal with telling Father-In-Law he couldn’t invite his relatives) because they few extended-family that came from my IL’s side where very rude:

– They REFUSED to sit where I had accomodated them. Even went to the venue manager and demand the tables moved (they did moved them because I was distracted).

– Consumed even more than what we had organized for (luckily, we had a half-cash bar)

– Didn’t get us any presents or cards.

– Didn’t even approached us to congratulate us (one of them did approach DH, but completely ignored me).

– Got completely wasted and started screaming/shouting.

– Overall, just took our wedding as a reunion party :/

So, yeah, just say NO, sorry. 

Post # 11
1852 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

He would be getting a swift ‘go fuck yourself’ from me. 

You seem like a much nicer person than I am so in your case I’d be telling him that you absolutely can’t accomodate more guests and if he has an issue with it he can communicate with you directly.

Emails to your mutual cousin doesn’t count and will go unanswered. 

Post # 13
285 posts
Helper bee

Knowing that they are family I would probably just call the venue and run it by them.  (Not sure if I would actually want to go there unless it is near.)  Definitely don’t squish more people per table though.  If they say it won’t fit you have an easy out in putting your foot down.  If they say yes they can fit then you still have to decide.  Keep in mind that that if they are this rude, yes they will likely try to sit where they want to sit and if they are being cheap enough to use your wedding as an excuse for a family reunion, you probably won’t get enough wedding money from them to offset their dinner.  Tough spot.  Asian guilt and family obligation can be a rough thing.

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