(Closed) Vent: He isn't interested in me anymore. Feeling helpless.

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
Member
11434 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I could be way off here, but I am lost as to why you think your “skills” are off and why he prefers his own hand to finish. This in addition to his preference for manual stimulation over sex and his request that you watch porn really has me wondering. What kind of porn does he watch?

because no matter how much of a “prude” you were or how inexperienced you are, with a heterosexual young man it usually doesn’t require more than the woman being there. You just show up and he finishes. 

It seems like he could be blaming you for cover. I’m just not necessarily buying that you are so awful at hand jobs and he can’t penetrate you. 

 

Post # 32
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

There’s a lot of good advice on this thread. He needs to step away from the porn and you guys need to talk about this. You need to explore what feels good to each of you and he should absolutely not learn sex from porn. Maybe you would feel more comfortable looking at a book together? 

 

Post # 33
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

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Tinatiny1:  I have to be honest…I also wondered this. 

Post # 34
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

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anonvrt:  Yes, it is true that it can take a few tries to achieve full penetration when you are a virgin. Fingering should help with that. start with one finger, then two, by the time you can take four fingers, penetration should not be a problem, physically and psychologically.

to clarify, I’m not advocating porn. But unless one can be spontaneously sexually aroused, many girls turn to smut (written, visual etc) to get them going when flying solo. which I feel you need to do to understand your own body and what you like sexually. Personally i can’t get turned on staring at the wall, so porn can help. But whatever does it for you!

also there really isnt much to learn about the male body that you can’t pick up along the way. Guys will usually let you know what feels good to them or how they like to be stroked/ blown/ etc. don’t pressurise yourself by thinking this problem is because you don’t know much about the male body. That’s what a partner is for. Conversely you need to know what gets YOU off, and tell him what to do. If he’s inexperienced too, don’t expect him to know what you like or how to touch you if you don’t show him.

i also highly recommend a vibrator to experiment with. 

Post # 35
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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anonvrt:  If you can’t talk about it verbally. Write it down. You NEED to communicate about this. About the fact that you want to try again. He may believe you don’t want it at all! 

Post # 36
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee

Just jump him… Seriously. When he is in bed get on too of him, and he will get the point. humans aren’t mind readers. After years of no sexual relationship he has probably stopped looking out for signs. Either tell him you are ready, or just do it. 

Post # 37
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

How does he think people learned “skills” before the internet?  

Post # 38
Member
458 posts
Helper bee

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anonvrt:  Not only was porn a horrible choice of a “learning tool”, he could likely be hooked on the porn now. It’s easier to beat off to some porn in private than to make an effort to improve your own intimacy skills, and that sounds like what he’s doing. If he’s getting off to porn every day, he has no reason to seek out a REAL woman. 

Just one of the countless reasons why porn is usually bad for relationships.

Post # 39
Member
458 posts
Helper bee

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Tinatiny1:  ITA. Porn can even cause sexual performance issues. If he’s squeezing himself too hard during masturbation, that can cause problems when it comes to climaxing with you.

Post # 40
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

Sorry to say but I think your lack of skills is probably the turn off. It’s most likely frustrating him. You both don’t need counseling or anything like that. You need to learn to be more open and not be squeemish about sex. I’m not saying go out there and be whorish, but if you ask any man, thry are hugely turned on by a skilled woman. Don’t give up on trying to get to full penetration. you are technically still a virgin and have barely scraped the surface of sexual exploration and full enjoyment without it. and continue to communicate. It’s very helpful to have someone that you can share your likes and dislikes with. 

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