Post # 1
Okay… so my Fiance has family from another country that are coming for the wedding. The country is approx 3 hours away. FMIL offered up OUR HOUSE to them to stay the day before the wedding and our wedding night. My Fiance said ok, WITHOUT asking me first. This was months ago, and I told my Fiance that I did not like this and we have no extra beds, blankets, towels, etc. He said he’d tell them to bring their own; I said I hope they get a hotel.
So today he tells me that ALL guests that are in that country are coming to the wedding. A total of 14 of them. Which is great! I do like them! I ask where they’re staying and if they’re staying here. He says he thinks they’re staying here but is not sure. I flipped out. Am a being a super bitch not wanting them to stay at our home? I have a full time job and am only able to take off a little time to get married, I’d like to relax (as much as possible) the couple days before the wedding and after. He’s MAD at me and says that he’ll just tell his mom that his “future wife” does not want them here and he’s getting very defensive. I do understand that it’s his family but I just don’t get it…
My mother thinks I should not back down and so does my close friend… but is there even a compromise in this matter? We don’t have money for them to stay in a hotel?? BUT REALLY?! WHO would impose themselves on the bride and groom the day before they get married? My family is coming from 9 hours away and haven’t assumed they’re staying with us. I’m just super sad and stressed out. I don’t want to be the bad guy, but I don’t understand why this would be okay? What should I do?
Post # 3
bump- any advice for me here?
Post # 4
Just stay with your mom. It’s best that you do stay away from eachother a day before the wedding anyway. Just do that. And if his mom is so kean on his family too, she can definitelly help her little boy take care of them.
This is not your responsibility. As a bride it is understandable that you have tons to do and they should know that, I am surprised that his family close by is not jumping into this offering their homes instead, but to each it’s own.
Post # 5
@daisycakes: 3 hours away? We’ve driven home after a wedding that was 3 hours away. Your Fiance messed up by agreeing without checking with you first. It wasn’t his offer to make. It is then his job to say that your home is not available.
Post # 6
I don’t think they should stay there. Especially if your time off is limited. You will have tons of errands to run and then after you will want to relaxe, not play tour guide/hostess. I am suprised as a previous poster said that other family memebers (FMIL) hasn’t offered her home to them.
Worst comes to worst, I would get a hotel room and stay there myself.
Post # 7
@mrsbroccoli: i assumed a 3 hour flight?
i would hate it too. but i cant see a way to get out of it without drama with your fi and his entire family. is there anywhere you can escape to for quiet time?
can you avoid them to an extent? make a few spa appts? or are you expected to have family time/show them around
Post # 8
Fiance should have talked to you first. That being said, if you don’t want to get into it with him, he can take care of the family staying there, like PP have said, stay in a hotel you relax the day before your wedding!
Post # 9
Thanks guys… I was starting to feel like the crazy one! oh no, 3 hour DRIVE.
I’ve spoken with him again and supposedly they’re staying here to sleep only and it will for sure be less than 14- some will stay at his mom’s (I think all should stay there, but whatever). Either way it’s still stressfull but I’m going to stay at my moms if need be and he said he’ll take care of everything. They also don’t speak English so that’s also an added stressor. I haven’t had too many bride stress moments yet, but geez I can’t wait to relax after this wedding!
Oh yeah and he said he didn’t think he needed to talk to me first because it’s “family” he said he would’ve if it were friends and he wouldn’t care if my family stayed… ugh. Men, don’t get it sometimes.
Post # 10
DH and I live together and his brother from Out of Town asked if his family could stay with us. I was against it (for all of the reasons you mentioned) and DH swore they’d be no trouble. I ended up staying in a hotel.
Post # 11
Oh good lord, Fiance is crazy for having said yes without talking to you, but like you said, men just don’t get it!! Haha.. Even if they are only staying there to sleep, there’s still the added pressure of getting/keeping your house ready for up to FOURTEEN extra people to sleep there!!! I like the plan to stay at your mom’s and leave him to deal with his fam…
Post # 12
omg I’m sorry!!!! And good luck!
Post # 13
Stay at your mum’s the night before at the wedding & then shell out for a hotel on your wedding night & if you can afford it, the night after. Fiance can ‘deal’ with them 🙂
Post # 14
@daisycakes: Is this a cultural issue perhaps? I have an ongoing issue with my Fiance, where he will just let some friend or relative stay with us without clearing with me first. But it’s just how they do it where he is from. Damned irritating, and you should be spared the last few days before your wedding.
Post # 15
Nope, not happening! Stand your ground in a firm but nice way.
Post # 16
I think men don’t “get it” because most of them are babied by their mothers. For them, if mom comes they might get extra food made for them, that’s all. For a woman it’s different.. in many places we’re still kind of expected to “play hostess” in the way that 50’s housewives did, especially if it’s not your family but his. It’s trickier nowadays that we have jobs and are less likely to own things like guest towels, but we still either feel like we should (or are made to feel that we should) take over anticipating every need of the guest. Men are clueless about this, it was never their problem.
I’m having this same issue just on a regular basis when Fiance tells his fam they can stay here for days…he’s all like, so what it’s family – no big deal… and then on his way off to work casually asks me if I have any clean sheets and towels to lay out, and when the maid service can come, and I know that he has no idea if there’s anything in the fridge… Frustrating!
If I were you’d I’d look out for myself and stay with your mom or at a hotel.