(Closed) VENT: HELP! FMIL family staying at my house before the wedding? Who does that??!

posted 9 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do?
    Stand my ground, Not let them stay at the house : (28 votes)
    53 %
    Let them stay with FI and let him take care of it, While I stay at my mom's : (22 votes)
    42 %
    Other, EXPLAIN! : (3 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 4
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Just stay with your mom. It’s best that you do stay away from eachother a day before the wedding anyway. Just do that. And if his mom is so kean on his family too, she can definitelly help her little boy take care of them.

    This is not your responsibility. As a bride it is understandable that you have tons to do and they should know that, I am surprised that his family close by is not jumping into this offering their homes instead, but to each it’s own.

    Post # 5
    1484 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @daisycakes:  3 hours away? We’ve driven home after a wedding that was 3 hours away.  Your Fiance messed up by agreeing without checking with you first.  It wasn’t his offer to make.  It is then his job to say that your home is not available.

    Post # 6
    2670 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I don’t think they should stay there. Especially if your time off is limited. You will have tons of errands to run and then after you will want to relaxe, not play tour guide/hostess. I am suprised as a previous poster said that other family memebers (FMIL) hasn’t offered her home to them.

    Worst comes to worst, I would get a hotel room and stay there myself.

    Post # 7
    2121 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @mrsbroccoli:  i assumed a 3 hour flight?

    i would hate it too. but i cant see a way to get out of it without drama with your fi and his entire family. is there anywhere you can escape to for quiet time?

    can you avoid them to an extent? make a few spa appts? or are you expected to have family time/show them around

    Post # 8
    481 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Fiance should have talked to you first.  That being said, if you don’t want to get into it with him, he can take care of the family staying there, like PP have said, stay in a hotel you relax the day before your wedding!

    Post # 10
    91 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    DH and I live together and his brother from Out of Town asked if his family could stay with us. I was against it (for all of the reasons you mentioned) and DH swore they’d be no trouble. I ended up staying in a hotel.

    Post # 11
    1477 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Oh good lord, Fiance is crazy for having said yes without talking to you, but like you said, men just don’t get it!! Haha.. Even if they are only staying there to sleep, there’s still the added pressure of getting/keeping your house ready for up to FOURTEEN extra people to sleep there!!! I like the plan to stay at your mom’s and leave him to deal with his fam…

    Post # 12
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    omg I’m sorry!!!! And good luck!

    Post # 13
    1581 posts
    Bumble bee

    Stay at your mum’s the night before at the wedding & then shell out for a hotel on your wedding night & if you can afford it, the night after. Fiance can ‘deal’ with them 🙂

    Post # 14
    298 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @daisycakes:  Is this a cultural issue perhaps? I have an ongoing issue with my Fiance, where he will just let some friend or relative stay with us without clearing with me first. But it’s just how they do it where he is from. Damned irritating, and you should be spared the last few days before your wedding.

    Post # 15
    1223 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Nope, not happening! Stand your ground in a firm but nice way.

    Post # 16
    211 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think men don’t “get it” because most of them are babied by their mothers. For them, if mom comes they might get extra food made for them, that’s all. For a woman it’s different.. in many places we’re still kind of expected to “play hostess” in the way that 50’s housewives did, especially if it’s not your family but his. It’s trickier nowadays that we have jobs and are less likely to own things like guest towels, but we still either feel like we should (or are made to feel that we should) take over anticipating every need of the guest. Men are clueless about this, it was never their problem. 

    I’m having this same issue just on a regular basis when Fiance tells his fam they can stay here for days…he’s all like, so what it’s family – no big deal… and then on his way off to work casually asks me if I have any clean sheets and towels to lay out, and when the maid service can come, and I know that he has no idea if there’s anything in the fridge… Frustrating!

    If I were you’d I’d look out for myself and stay with your mom or at a hotel. 

    The topic ‘VENT: HELP! FMIL family staying at my house before the wedding? Who does that??!’ is closed to new replies.

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