(Closed) VENT: Help! How do I tell FMIL not to make my wedding cake?

posted 9 years ago in Food
Post # 3
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Honesty, I think that your best course of action is to suck it up and ask her to do her speciality buttercream cake. 

That way you’ll have a nice cake that doesn’t fall apart, less stress and a happy Future Mother-In-Law + family. I know it’s not exactly what you want but I think that in the long run it will make everyone happier.

Post # 4
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with PP, it’s a little late in the program to get out without massive fall-out.But maybe her specialty would get a better result?

The only other thing – maybe have a sheet cake out the back that can be served so that if your MIL’s cake doesn’t pan out, there’s a back up?

Post # 5
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@elliemay20:  Could you maybe ask her to make a groom cake instead?  Tell her that you really appreciate her efforts, but you are really worried about how things are going to turn out, BUT you have a great idea for a groom cake and would love it if she could do it for your Fiance and yourself.

EDIT:  Or maybe get her to make the cake, but ask a professional to decorate instead?  Tell her that the style you want is complicated and you don’t want her to have so much stress on her shoulders when you want her to be enjoying this time before the wedding with everyone.

Post # 6
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

@Cariad:  I agree, ask her to make a buttercream groom’s cake, tell her Fiance really wants flavor X and could she please do that? Find somewhere NOW to make a regular tiered cake.

Post # 7
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree with PPs. Tell her you’ve found a deal you can’t pass up on your wedding cake but you’d love for her to make a special groom’s cake, if you tell her it’s a surprise for her son and you want her input in designing something meaningful to him she may be thrilled with the change.

If that doesn’t work I’d buy one of those 3 level cake stands so she can just make 3 separate cakes and not worry about stacking them.  If she’s never done fondant I’d stick with a very simple buttercream and just  ask your florist to decorate it with flowers. 


Post # 8
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Definitely ask her to make a buttercream grooms cake. Takes some of the pressure off her (& less stress for you) and she can still be involved.

Post # 9
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yeah, go for the buttercream and then let go of the cake. Like literally stop worrying about it, stop going to cake specialty stores, stop thinking about it. She said she’d make the cake, she wants to make the cake, you ASKED her to make the cake — let her make the cake. All the components you mentioned can be ordered very quickly. Don’t worry about it. 

Post # 10
1875 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would do one of two things:

1. Ask her to make a groom’s cake instead.  You can tell her that you want it in buttercream.  That way the rational is that you don’t want to ask her to do 2 cakes since it’s a lot, but because she is so good with buttercream you’d rather her do the groom’s cake.  Plus it would probably mean more to your Fiance, her son, if his mom made his cake.  Then you can have a professional baker just take care of the wedding cake with fondant since they know how to work with it.  I’m sure she knows the trail cake didn’t turn out very well and might be relieved to be able to do something else.

2. Suck it up and let her do the cake but with buttercream since that’s what she knows how to work with.

Post # 11
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Since you already said she could make the cake, I think you have to stick with it. There’s no way to gracefully bow out this late in the game. In the long run, is it better that you have a perfect cake or that you have a good relationship wtih your MIL? 

Post # 12
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@elliemay20:  I would just ask her to make whatever cake she can. If she is not a professional baker I dont think you can ask her to make a cake she is not familiar with. It might not be exactly what you want but its the tought that counts, your Future Mother-In-Law has offered to make this for you and her son, there is no way you can not accept it. 

Post # 13
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Good, tasty fondant cakes are extremely difficult to make at home unless you’ve been trained in using fondant.  The only fondant cake I ever thought tasted good was made by a woman who did nothing but fondant cakes for 10+years…and the cake was quoted at $1500.  Fondant looks awesome, but even some professional fondant cakes taste like crap. And homemade fondant — aka, usually fondant bought at a craft store, is typically heavy, and unedible.  And you’d be better off having a beautiful, tasty buttercream cake.

If you are dead set on having the fondant cake, I would tell your Future Mother-In-Law that you have your heart set on a fondant cake, but know that fondant is something that needs to be done by the professionals, and that you appreciate her effort.   I think her doing a grooms cake is a fantastic idea.

I’ve been making cakes for 5 years, and I’m doing a buttercream cake for my sister’s wedding in August 2013. I’ve been taking classes since she got engaged in May 2012 in order to hone my skills and make sure that I 100% have it down.  If I don’t feel comfortable enough by next May, I will tell her to order one.  If your Future Mother-In-Law was set on making you your dream cake, she should have been in fondant classes a year ago.

Post # 14
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with the PPs. Ask her to do the groom’s buttercream cake and then figure out what to do other wise. Look at it this way- she is TELLING you that she is not familiar with that cake and cannot make it. Now, she could have tried to make it and failed miserably and then you would have been devastated. So the fact that she is telling you upfront deserves a lot of respect. 

The thing is- you already told her she could make the cake, so let her. Just let her make the cake, I’m sure she will do something absolutely BEAUTIFUL!  

Post # 15
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with PP — ask her to do a buttercream groom’s cake instead.  Or maybe she can make some cupcakes and you can reach out to a bakery to make a (small) fondant cake to accompany them that you and your Fiance can cut?

Post # 16
2419 posts
Buzzing bee

Remember that your wedding is much more important to you than it is to anybody else. Realistically, nobody is going to run out and buy cake stands, start practicing their cake baking, etc., a year in advance for someone else’s wedding. (Besides, people often change their minds and their plans several times before arrangements are settled – there’s a good argument that the smart thing to do is to wait until fairly close to the wedding when things are pretty well set, before investing the money and time in the cake stand et al.)

Be patient with your Future Mother-In-Law and realize that this is ultimately way less important than your overall relationship. Besides, fondant is nasty-tasting and buttercream is delicious … on this one, even if you “lose,” you actually win.

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