(Closed) VENT: Help! How do I tell FMIL not to make my wedding cake?

posted 9 years ago in Food
Post # 18
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Groom’s cake!  Tell her you know she knows her son better than anyone and you want to make an awesome surprise for him.  You don’t want to burden her with two cakes so you’ve gone ahead and ordered the wedding cake, but go crazy with the groom’s cake and make it super special for him. 

If it turns out horrid you can serve it at the rehersal dinner so not everyone sees it (that’s tradional, anyway). 

Post # 19
288 posts
Helper bee

I know you want the cake you want but why not have her make a smaller buttercream cake and then get some sheet cakes for the guests.

Post # 20
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Everdeen:  +1. 

View original reply
@elliemay20:  Tell her buttercream is fine, and if it’s becoming too much of a burden you’re happy to order one from a bakery/grocery store. I agree with PP, let her make the groom’s cake! But keeping her happy is much more important than a cake I think, it sounds like she’s really important to Fiance and I think your relationship with her is also important. I’ve been to a wedding where the cake fell down, and honestly, it was funny! No one got mad at the bride or anything, it just made for a good story! 

Post # 21
47 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

I disagree with everyone telling you to suck it up and let her do it with butter cream or even the original fondant idea.  You don’t need to have a cake that makes you unhappy.  She may get her feelings hurt, but if she really wanted to do this for you she should have/would have put more effort into it.  PP said that no one would start practicing a year ahead of time for your wedding, but if someone really wanted to do something that they had no experience with (I get that she’s made cakes, but fondant is a whole different ball game) then they would make sure they were on top of things and be ready to present something that was acceptable.  I can sew very well, but I wouldn’t offer to make the bridesmaids dresses without practicing and ensuring I was on top of my game well before the deadline.  I would just tell her that you are feeling very stressed right now and do not want to transfer that stress to her in the next few weeks or especially the day of the wedding.  Grocery stores should be able to make you what you want on short notice, so look into Publix, Sam’s, Whole Foods, etc.  It’s a shame that your fiancé is not in agreement with you; he should understand how stressful this is on top of everything else going on in your life.  You being upset over a ruined wedding cake would likely cause more of a rift between you and your Future Mother-In-Law than you telling her politely that it’s not the best plan at this point.

I like the idea of having her make a rehearsal dinner cake.  That way you don’t have to be worried about disliking the 1000 pictures of you and your fiancé cutting the cake.  Trust me, if she makes it and it’s a disaster, you will always think about it when you see those pictures and it will bring up the hard feelings.  You don’t want to resent her and I’m sure she doesn’t want that either!  Honesty is the hardest, but always the best policy.

Post # 22
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

As someone who makes cakes it is quite difficult to pull of a fondant cake to look 100% flawless. Even for a seasoned professional. With that said, if she is still insisting on making the cake with fondant, I would urge her to just do buttercream. The fondant work is probably why the cakes are becoming a cumbly mess. I’m not sure if you know if she did or if you can find out but there needs to be a layer of thin buttercream on the cakes before fondant is added to keep the cakes together and to make the fondant stick to the cake.

Also, if you are stressed about the stands and plates for the cake there are lots of retail stroes that carry them and you wouldn’t have to order them.


Micheals Craft Store

Hobby Lobby

JoAnn Fabrics


Just to name a few. Good luck with everything.

Post # 23
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Personally I wouldn’t want my Mother-In-Law to do the cake even if she was amazing at it because she will be busy setting up the cake the day of and needing to worry about it when she should be enjoying the day her son gets married.

We had almost the same problem with my Mother-In-Law but with pictures. She is a pretty good photographer but if she is busy taking pictures all day she isn’t talking with family and having a good time. We told her she couldn’t take an excessive amout of pictures since that is why we hired a photographer.

I like the idea that others pointed out of her doing a groom’s cake. That shouldn’t be overwhelming nor will it be the center of attention. Also that way your Future Mother-In-Law can actually enjoy the day before and the day of the wedding and not be stressing out about a cake.

Post # 24
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Perhaps you could ask her to make the groomscake and go elsewhere fo ryour cake. She could do that in buttercream because its what she knows how to do and still be included in the cake making process but you will still get your cake. Boom. everybody is happy, you have the cake you want and it wont fall apart and Future Mother-In-Law can make a cake for you.

Post # 25
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

+1 that fondant tastes disgusting, but buttercream is delicious

+1 to the buttercream groom’s cake.

Also, Michael’s has premade fondant and instructions on how to make fondant cakes.  Maybe spend a day with her and the two of you can practice making a cake together?

Post # 27
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@elliemay20:  You can still have her make her buttercream cake for the groom’s cake and order yourself whatever you want from a professional baker. 

The topic ‘VENT: Help! How do I tell FMIL not to make my wedding cake?’ is closed to new replies.

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