(Closed) VENT – Help :( I don’t want her as a bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
46403 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The two of you need to be united as a couple. This seems to be more her Mom’s issue than hers.

Post # 4
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Stick to your guns.  Tell her and Future Mother-In-Law, that while you “love her to death”, you do not want to ” put her through the stress of being a bridesmaid,” as well as the fact that you have chosen your bridal party already, so sorry.

Post # 5
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can she be a reader or something?

Post # 6
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Stand behind yourself… Thats what i had to do. if you dont have a connection with this girl, do you want to look back at your photos and see someone share in your moment who doesnt 110% support you? 

I do think that it is a big deal and obviously feelings are hurt so maybe you and your fi need to sit down, talk about how you feel, and maybe discuss it with the family. you could also try to give her another job to do.

Post # 7
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Stick to your guns.  Tell your Future Mother-In-Law that it’s too late, and when you two weren’t invited to her engagement party you took it as a sign that while you were accepted as family, she didn’t want a close relationship with you and you didn’t want to make it awkward by asking her to be in the wedding party when it seemed like she wouldn’t want to be.  Now that the dresses are ordered and everything has been set up, the setup cannot be changed, but you would love a closer relationship with Future Sister-In-Law if she would like to be closer and you would love her to be a reader or something.

The girl didn’t invite you to her engagement party; of course she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid, she just wants the attention.

If Future Mother-In-Law is worried about being judged, she can just say that Future Sister-In-Law is enjoying newlywed bliss and you and Fiance didn’t want to put any pressure on her to make her do any work at your wedding.

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mags2233:  Definitely uncalled for.  Don’t put her in your wedding party.  There are so many ways to be diplomatic, but get your Fiance on board with this decision and it’ll be so much easier.

Post # 10
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Make sure you and your Fi agree on a consistent message, and stick to it. Be firm. Something simple like, “the wedding party has been decided, and she’s not part of it.” Boom. Period. If you’re pressed for reasons, say that she doesn’t support the wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Stick to your guns. The day belongs to you and your Fiance, you shouldn’t have to do things that will make you unhappy and spoil your special moment. She’s an adult, I’m sure she can handle this. It’s not like you are picking one 5 year old sister to be a flower girl and leaving her twin out.

Post # 13
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If your Fiance & his family want her to be a part of the wedding party, she can stand up on HIS side. 

Post # 14
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mags2233:  It is obvious she does not like you. You do NOT have to put up with her childish behavior. Does your Future Mother-In-Law know you and her SON were not invited to the girl’s engagement party? Well she should. She needs to know that YOUR bridal party has been decided on and it is closed.

Please DO NOT GIVE IN to your Future Mother-In-Law. You need to sit down with your Fiance, explain and remind him the reasons and inform him that this girl will only bring uneeded stress to your planning and you do not need that.

Case is closed.

Post # 15
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Omg, why is your Fiance even considering this?  If he can’t support you in your FINAL decision, then you guys need to have a serious sit down talk together.  HE needs to tell his mother that it is simply too late to add another member to the bridal party (assuming you’re going for symmetry, you’d have to add another Groomsmen too).  I probably wouldn’t have him tell your FMIL that you guys don’t like his sister, because that would cause drama.  Just tell her that it is too late and you don’t want a big wedding party.

I’ve got one of my FI’s sisters in my bridal party, and not the other one.  Future Mother-In-Law knows how Fiance and I feel about his other sister, so I think she knows better than to even suggest I add that sister to the wedding party.  But, she was subtly trying to suggest ways to involve her in the wedding (being in charge of music, decorating, etc.).  Finally Fiance told his mom that we didn’t even want his sister at the wedding, period.

Post # 16
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree you should maybe get her to do a reading or if Fiance insists she can stand with him.

The topic ‘VENT – Help :( I don’t want her as a bridesmaid’ is closed to new replies.

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