Post # 1
I’m curious….How much does your husband/fiance/boyfriend contribute around the house with either cooking or cleaning?
I do all of the cooking, grocery shopping, laundry (by choice though, I don’t want him drying all of my stuff), and the vast majority of the cleaning. He used to do all of the dishes after dinner, which was fine with me. I’d rather make the mess than clean it. 🙂 But now, that’s a joint task. He’ll sweep the floor from time to time & will straighten up, but the boy has never picked up a toilet brush.
I’m tired when I get home & would LOVE the chance to have more free time for working out, etc. Any past discussions on the topic either lead to either A.) the understanding that he’ll pitch in a bit more, which lasts for about a week, or B.) the impression that I’m not seeing what he does do, and that he believes he’s pulling his weight and shouldn’t be faulted for wanting to relax in front of the TV. I don’t want to be a nag!
I’d love to know how it works in everyone else’s households.
Post # 3
um. I’m one of the blessed lucky, amazingly lucky people whose Fiance does everything you described for yourself. He’s in charge of grocery shopping, cooking all the meals, and the vast majority of the cleaning. The only thing I claim is the laundry.
But I don’t think I’m normal. I think I must’ve been some sort of saint in a past life and now I get Fiance in this one.
Post # 4
My Fiance doesn’t cook or clean much. If I’m doing a major clean up around the house on a weekend, I’ll ask him to help; but as for everyday straightening up he doesn’t do much. He’s cooked a couple times, but that ended up with him putting 1 TABLESPOON of red pepper flake in the recipe instead of a teaspoon….haha…so that was the end of that!
Post # 5
OMG hes a clone of my FH. drives me NUTS. its like he doesnt see the clutter. hes clutterblind.
i have severe OCD so i CANNOT just let things go, but he doesnt help matters either. little things like he drops his belt on the floor next to the hook it belongs to. or he will hang his dirty clothes on the closet door instead of walking the extra 2 feet to put them in a hamper. he never makes the bed, has NEVER cleaned the bathroom, and quite frankly probably has no idea we even own a vacuum.
i blame his mother for this. she coddled him when he was little, and now he is spoiled.
i blame myself too because i reward his bad behavior.
sometimes im just SO TIRED and i dont want to clean but i have to, because i cant relax in a dirty house. *sigh*
once i get my CC paid for i might spring for a maid. but then again i wont since i would have to clean up before they came. lol
Post # 6
I can definitely sympathize; I do the majority of the cooking/dish washing, and pretty much all the cleaning. It does get me angry sometimes, especially because he’ll “offer” to help, but he offers with such a tone of dread in his voice that I always just say, “No, just go sit down”.
One thing that does make me feel better is when he says that he appreciates what I do. Maybe that would make you feel better, if your Fiance was vocal about the fact that he appreciates the fact that you do the majority of stuff around the house. Of course, that doesn’t solve the problem that you DO do the majority of stuff. Are there any chores that can be delegated to him on a weekly basis? Maybe grocery shopping, if you give him a list and he can go on the weekends, so he can’t complain about being tired from work? And that way if he doesn’t go, there won’t be food in the house and he’ll notice that, and maybe that will motivate him to go!
But it’s definitely something you two should talk about, before you start getting resentful of him. Good luck!
Post # 7
@spaganya: my Fiance was TOTALLY coddled by his mom as well. He never lifted a finger at home, never had chores, etc. Now he’s used to being taken care of!
Post # 8
we do the food shopping and laundry together
i cook, he does dishes
as far as cleaning goes, he organizes and i do the dusting, wiping, etc.
it’s not a bad arrangement lol
Post # 9
I am extremely fortunate to have a fiance who believe around the house chores can be a partnership. He actually handles most of our cooking since he gets home from work before me & works from home at least 2 days a week.
I think some of that kind of stuff roots from how he was raised. If he was raised in a household with traditional gender roles (ie: woman handling cooking & cleaning, etc. & man works & disciplines), then maybe he didn’t see that he should share in these tasks with you. Also, the same might be true if his parents never expected him to do stuff like that around the house.
I have no idea how to help you out though! Sorry! My typical advice is to communicate, but it sounds like you’re doing it!
Post # 10
We divide it up. I probably end up doing more, but part of that is because I am extremely anal about cleaning!
I am a chef, but he actually does almost all of the cooking and dishes. It is the last thing I want to do when I get home from work. i do most of the cleaning-he does it sometimes and does his laundry, and cleans his bathroom. He does most of the outdoors and maintenance stuff. It mostly works out, except I wish I didn’t have to remind him to do stuff sometimes.
Post # 11
My Fiance does all the cooking (he like it and is better at it than I am) and a lot of the cleaning, and all of the grocery shopping.
But, he is also part time, where as I’m at work every day from 8-6.
Post # 12
My Fiance is a clean freak! He bought “me” a Dyson vaccum cleaner & won’t even let me use it. I do all the laundry, cooking & doing dishes (he doesn’t do the dishes right), and we do the cleaning & grocery shopping together. I would love for him to cook, but he doesn’t know how & really has no desire to learn how to cook. That is ok because I love to cook & he will watch Food Network with me. So I am cool with that!
Post # 13
I can very much relate! His mother coddled both him and his sister so that they never did any housework. His sister’s husband literally had to teach her how to do laundry because she never had. My guy has a lot of issues too. Its so different because I was so the Cinderella with the evil stepmother that made me clean after the entire family. I’m talking I cleaned the bathrooms, washed the dishes nightly, swept and mopped floors, dusted, did my laundry, and so on while hardly anyone else lifted a finger. So I do so much more than him in our apt. BUT we are starting to get better. He is always responsible for the trash and I empty the dishwasher (approx. same frequency). Also I scrub the tub and he does toilet , each once a week. We do our own laundry. All the other chores we have not worked out yet, but we will get there.
I think specifying chores has really worked for us because each person knows what they need to do and the other holds them accountable. Whereas without that division its sort of hard for one partner to realize how unequal the work is.
Post # 14
I really lucked out with my fiance, in that he LOVES to cook. He also grocery shops, and makes sure to make me dinner when he visits and knows I’m having a bad day. I’m not sure about cleaning, since we’ve never lived together, but he does help out with my yard work (he has no yard, my place has a fairly big one) and he’s always willing to help when I ask (I’m just not sure how much he spontaneously cleans- but I’m not much of a neat freak, either). I’m so glad he likes to cook, because I really hate it!
Post # 14
My Fiance used to be like that and so I finally sat down with him and talked about fairness and reliability. We both highly value feeling like equal partners, so he quickly saw that it wasn’t a fair way to live, or how we wanted to start our married life.
Our solution: For one month, he cleans the kitchen, living room, and vaccums. During that month I clean the bathroom, bedroom, and dust. After one month we switch. The only rule is that all cleaning occurs at least once during the week.
On top of that, we have a chart on our fridge where we have to clean for at least 5 minutes a day for maintenance and we have to initial it. If someone forgets to clean one day, or just forgets to sign their initials, they have to pay the other $1. It’s worked very well.
Post # 15
ok, get ready to be envious. LOL
My soon to be FI was a professional chef. He does ALL of the cooking.
He also does about 80% of the cleaning, all of the grocery shopping, and almost all the laundry (he works a lot less hours than I do).
I’m completely and totally spoiled!!!