(Closed) VENT – I am SO exhausted by this person

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@Cornflakegirl: I WISH I got that response. I think you are being too hard on her. She replied to you and asked you questions which to me means she’s interested. I think your judgements of her intentions are uncalled for. Hopefully you both can come to an agreement on this.

Post # 5
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@Cornflakegirl: That’s a whole lot more information into the matter. From your post alone, it seems like a cut and dry situation. With such a speckled past, perhaps you shouldn’t have had be her in wedding?

Post # 6
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Reading her response, it doesn’t actually mention anything about being in the wedding.  It seems that she is acting like she is interested in attending the wedding as a guest.  How much time passed between the email you sent to her and her response back?  Are we talking a few weeks, or several months?  I ask, because perhaps she purposely left it late to passively decline being IN the wedding, but still would like to attend.  It does sound like she is trying to be interested in your wedding plans, and perhaps she’s going about it in the wrong way.  :S

 

Post # 7
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have to say that I agree with your annoyance with her. You are under 2 months from your date and someone who is supposed to be a good friend hasn’t cared enough to make arrangements or ask whats happening??

I’d be annoyed too. I think that if you don’t feel like helping her figure it out then don’t. You have plenty on your plate this close to the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Can’t you just ignore her email, as she did yours? Or just tell her you’re sorry, but you do not have time to find her accomodations, and if she would like to come, she has to figure it out herself.

Post # 10
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

During your video chats and conversations, did you not tell her the date or discuss anything about your wedding? I know you said that she seemed disinterested, but I wonder what information you gave her during those times. Did you ask if she checked her email?

I’m kind of bad with email (other than my school address) and all of my friends know to call or text me to get my attention.

I’m not saying she’s right, but I can see how having 156 new emails from junky websites and yours being smack dab in the middle could get overlooked.

Post # 11
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have to differ a little from your opinions on the bride’s responsibility to her guests. ๐Ÿ™‚ I think your friend’s questions were entirely reasonable, and whatever baggage you may have with her, that is information that you should be willing and able to provide when you’re host of an event where you invite guests to spend thousands of dollars of their own money and travel thousands of miles. (NY to CA–you want her to pay round trip airfare, lodging, local transport, food, etc. Probably for several days, since she’d want to arrive the day before and leave the day after, at a bare minimum.)

So yes, as host, it’s your job (or one you should assign to someone in your wedding party) to look into reserving a block of hotel rooms for your guests at a group rate, helping attendees coordinate ride shares or couch shares if they can’t afford the hotel on top of travel for Your Special Day, giving them instructions on transportation options to and from the airport to your locations, and organizing activites for your out of town guests, who have taken the time and spent the money to come and celebrate with you.

I don’t mean it to sound like it’s just you, I’ve seen this kind of irritation with long distance guests from lots of brides, and I don’t understand. Mr. E. travels a lot for work and even those conferences are thoughtful enough to organize group rates for hotels, come up with lists of recommended local restaurants, provide transportation directions to and from airports, including maps that show the location of the event and the various hotels. I don’t think it’s unreasonable that the hosts of a wedding would do the same for their friends and family, the people they love and care about.

Post # 12
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I read through your other post and this one, and to be honest, I’m surprised you are still friends with W! I completely understand your annoyance and would write back some quick, generic answers if you can. You might be able to say,

“Hey! I’m super busy with planning, but wanted to get back to you to let you know that I had a block of rooms at XXX hotel, and most family will be flying in on XXX airline. Most people are making their own travel arrangements, so I apologize for not knowing more about their lodging. Hope to see you there!” 

A short timeline of the wedding day events will indicate that she isn’t really considered to be in the bridal party any longer and that you’ll only expect her as a guest. And after the wedding, I don’t think you really need to go out of your way to make sure her feelings aren’t hurt. She sounds overly needy and negative whenever she contacts you, and you don’t need that…especially right now!

Post # 14
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Cornflakegirl: I think that there are alot of things going on here. 1. I dont know if there is a type of “formal” way to be asked to be a bridesmaid and I think blasting you out about not asking her the way she wanted and wanting a more intimate setting is a little crazy. 2. Did she every agree to being in the wedding? 3. I dont think that its fair ro ask her to put her up at someone house that she does not know. Now blocking off rooms, thats one thing but me forcing somone (a stranger no less) to have another stranger in my house is not an option.

It might be best to say something to her about it and move on because the anger is not good for you right now.

 

Post # 16
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I didn’t even formally ask 4 of my BMs, i asked the other 2 while we were at work. lol. I didn’t know people did big ‘will you be my bridesmaid?’ gestures until after I  joined WB. <3

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